The Day After

My alarm startled me at 6:45 this morning. I agreed to set it so I could get Lily up to go Black Friday shopping with her girlfriends. I felt I'd prefer the job of waking her to taking her so I did so willingly and then I crawled back into my flannel and down nest and continued to sleep off last night's feast. The cats had other plans. Peanut started his caterwauling on the floor beside me and Tigger started climbing all over me. I gave up and got up. Peanut wanted kibble. Tigger wanted to play. They ask so little and give so much. I fed and entertained before curling up with my book underneath my Ugg throw only to nap after a few chapters. This is the perfect lazy day in my book.

Now I'm here with my second cuppa and a piece of my step-mom's cranberry bread. It's one of my seasonal favorites. She always sends me home with my own loaf. Who am I kidding? We came home with much more than a loaf of bread. We have a huge shopping bag full of delicious leftovers. My dad made two turkeys for eight people: one fried and one roasted. They were both juicy, but the fried was the family favorite. We had all the traditional sides and they were all wonderful. Never mind that Teddy's plate was devoid of color: he's a meat and potatoes guy on Thanksgiving and on holidays I don't worry about balanced meals or eating the rainbow.

Despite the fact that when I woke yesterday it didn't feel like Thanksgiving to me, I did have a grateful heart. I can't pinpoint what is it this year that has me out of sorts with the season. It's as though I'm quietly resisting my favorite time of year. It was a perfectly gray and broody day as late November should be. I watched the parade while I made my contributions to the meal feeling a little sorry for myself that I'm missing my mom and so many others, but then Mike and I bundled up for a sobering walk. It's a tradition that almost wasn't but I'm glad it was. I needed the fresh air and the endorphins and the normalcy. It was my first walk in a month and it felt good. Right.

On the drive to my Dad's, I reflected on my intentions for the day. Holidays are tricky. I think they tend to bring out the best and the worst in people. I decided it was best to focus on who is here rather than who's not whether it's by choice or circumstance. It's best to count blessings not misfortunes. Tribulations not trials. And that's just what we did. We went around the table giving thanks, we laughed a lot playing a silly game and we ate too much. It really was a perfect celebration.

As we were packing up to leave, my Dad lamented that we didn't get our annual family picture on the deck. I thought about it several times throughout the day and I wished we had, but not having pictorial evidence doesn't erase the memories we made. I captured them in my heart. It's the reason that my heart can be a little sad yet still grateful.

And I did manage to get a few pictures.

Three Stories

I firmly believe that people come into our lives for a reason. It may be cliche, but yes, as a lesson or a blessing. Sometimes...oftentimes...both. I don't believe in coincidence. I do believe in causal connections. Let me tell you a story.

My friend's mom put me in touch with my new boss. I was offered the job on my mom's birthday. I took it as the sign I needed to leave my previous toxic employer. I never went back except to tender my resignation and deliver keys. When I showed up for my first day on my new job two weeks later, Sue first asked me about whether my daughter knew her great niece because we lived in the same city. I told her that yes they know one another and that I also know her niece. That's when the real connection became apparent. Sue's sister, Geri, was a very good friend of my mom's. In fact Sue had met my mom. Sue and I had a connection. Geri and Sue no longer had a connection, but that night they texted one another and Sue had some hope that maybe that would change. She's a good one, Geri told Sue about me. Sue is training me. I'll be replacing her. We have both agreed that we'll remain friends even after I am ready to go it alone. Sue has been like an angel in my life. She is making this transition smooth and showing me patience and encouragement and kindness. I told my husband during my first week of knowing and working with Sue that she is one of the best people I have ever met.

Let me tell you another story.

Sue and Linda don't get along. I'll be working for and with Linda. Linda is always loud and often gruff and very particular. She's also smart and successful and she can even be sweet. She calls me honey. I think we will get on just fine together even though working for her is not always easy. See she very much reminds me of my late cousin Carol. The similarities are striking. All of the things that bother Sue, one of the best people I know, about Linda remind me of my cousin Carol, one of the best people I knew. I made a big mistake the other day and she said, Don't worry honey...everything is going to work out. 

One last story.

My friend Rosebud put me in touch with her friend Jen a couple years ago and then again many months ago. Jen needed a writer. The first time we never connected. In March we started talking and did a little work together. We found that we have very much in common. One thing we share that is unique is that we are empaths...we are highly intuitive. One thing we don't is that Jen is a dreamer and a risk-taker. I tend to play it safe. She has changed her vision for our collaboration many times. I've felt frustrated at times and excited at others. I still don't know what will come of this professionally, but I do think personally she has encouraged my growth and that is quite something.

And about that connection...about a month ago I came home from a trip to the ER and Jen was calling me from thousands of miles away as soon as I walked in the door. Are you okay, she asked. No, I'm not, I replied. I knew it, I felt that you were not ok, Jen said. 

Lessons. Blessings.

Good Things

Thoughts are swirling around my head like the snow that's dancing through the air this morning. The scene is sedate. The reality is chaotic. It's been this way for the past week and I've felt strongly pulled to come here to purge...make peace. I cannot really explain my extended absence. I can only say that life is good and full right now, but I am yearning for it to be even better. I have yet to achieve balance. I cannot remember the last time that work was such a focus and priority in my life. I cannot say that I've felt this jazzed at both the start and the end of the day ever. The trade off of all this energy spent is obvious. It's also temporary.

At book club last night, I couldn't contain my excitement over my new job. We also talked about college applications, exciting moves, Thanksgiving and, of course, The Immortalists. I read it back in January so the Gold sibling's novellas were tucked in the catacombs of my mind, but not the question that the book posed. The question of existential destiny is something I think about daily. How do we best live our lives knowing that we are going to die? In balance is the answer I seek. Present.

Sunday I read a book cover to cover and I didn't feel the least bit guilty. I dog eared a single page in Yrsa Daley-Ward's memoir The Terrible for these words:

Secretly we all know the bad things are about to happen. It's already inside us, some coding in the body. Already behind the curtain, glowing red. Already dreamed, and it comes and it goes and it comes again.

I dog eared it because it made me think of all the good things that are happening, about to happen, inside us.

I came home last night and curled up on the couch waiting for Teddy to come home for the night. The girls were giggling upstairs...getting ready for bed. I didn't make it through the recap of last week's episode of a favorite show before dozing off. Teddy woke me. "Let's go to bed mom," he said softly. Something about the way he was taking care of me struck me as just so sweet. See what I mean about good things.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

An excuse to go out for dinner on Monday night. We celebrated Mike's birthday over pizza and pasta and hoagies at one of our favorite spots. 

Teddy with his squad at the Packer game last Sunday.

Time to read again with my snuggle buddy. I recently finished Bad Blood. It was not my usual genre, but I cannot believe what Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos got away with. It was quite a story. I also read The Terrible. The story felt hopeless and the ending abrupt. My guess is that Daley-Ward has a few more memoirs to write. I'll probably read them.

Three books waiting for me at the library.

Book club tonight.

Tigger time. He waits for me in the family room in the morning so we can play.

Then when he's tired out, he curls up in his spot for a cat nap.

Winter came early this year. The snow first flew a couple weeks ago and it's making me feel all the hygge. I've pulled out my Ugg slippers and bought a luxurious new set of flannel sheets. I've even started my Christmas shopping.

The morning sky.

My mom's pumpkin bars with a thick layer of butter cream frosting.

So much to be thankful for.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Another good week of work. I flew solo at the office today and it went well...even the things that didn't...at first. I even managed to get out early.

I had my last Wednesday with Sylvia this week. I'm going to miss her dry humor, her earned wisdom and also our Scrabble matches. I left with a win. I finally beat her even if only by a few points.

The fall colors are something to stop and take notice of. I saw a yellow tree this week that took my breath away. The word that is on the tip of my tongue is resplendent.

Halloween was sort of a non-event at Casa Wags this year. There were no costumes this year and no carving either. And I felt nostalgic for it all, but only just a little. Instead of Halloween activities, Lily was in her room reading Homer and Ted and I worked on editing his essays before sending in the first of his college applications. Kids grow up...it's what they do. Time moves on. It's what it does. It always will, but deep inside my mama heart, time stands still.

Memories.

Teddy's very first time in Madison. The first college ap he sent was to UW. He's headed there tomorrow for some Badger football with friends. It may become an important part of his future.

Lily was awarded team player at the golf banquet this week. Olivia said some very nice things about Lily. Namely that she's one of the kindest, friendliest people she knows and she's known her all her life.

Mike and I had a fun date night last Friday. We went out to an old haunt for one of our favorite pizzas. They are known for their garlic bread which is bathed in butter. I also am a big fan if their Italian salad and house chianti. It was a really good night. He's planned another night out for the two of us tomorrow.

We finished The Haunting of Hill House this week. I appreciate a good ghost story. This one was well-told and I'm sad it's over. I totally believe in ghosts by the way.

I also have been finding the moon to be a muse lately.

 The sunrise continues to dazzle.

I started not one, but three new books that were waiting for me at the library. They are very different. The Terrible is a storyteller's memoir: lyrical and haunting. The Light Between Us is about the thin veil between the living and the dead. It's written by a psychic. Bad Blood is the story of Theranos. It's one of arrogance, greed and hubris.

Things are starting to get back to normal. I'm reading again and cooking too. This week I made Pioneer Woman's creamy chicken enchiladas. They tasted much better than they looked. I'm obviously not a food photographer. And that Mexicorn is so easy and so good.

 Now I just have to make time for exercise again. I'm thinking this week.