Granted

It's true that inspiration comes from above. It also comes from within. Inspiration not just in the spark that gets the creative juices flowing...the fervor in ideas...but also the feeling of faith in ourselves and trust in our journeys. It's been a very difficult week. Faith and trust have been hard to find. I've had to brace myself and dig deep. I let it all out. For now. Prayers more like pleas, rants, tears from the hallows and the confessions of subterranean fears. After I said, shouted and cried my peace, I had some peace. The repose that comes from exhaustion and depletion. I wish I could say that being being stripped bare filled me with answers. It didn't. What the honest exposure left me with was a humility I haven't known in a long time. 

Humble. It's a powerful and enlightening place to be. 

It was as if someone shined a light on my life and I saw things for the first time. I've always known they were there, but I tried to ignore them, reject them, rally against them. In the moment I owned them, they owned me less. Their hold weakened as grace entered the mix. 

I have flaws. I make mistakes. I am haunted by regret. I have hurt other people. People I love. I have held grudges and freely laid blame. I have interfered and dismissed and flown off the handle. Sometimes I criticize, I generalize and I roll my eyes. I'm human.

Grace is such a powerful and healing consecration.

I forgive wholly, love unconditionally, try to treat others with kindness and empathy. I want to soothe, minister, lift up and bring light to the people in my life.

I've been feeling so bad that I've forgotten I'm good. I've denied myself the forgiveness and empathy and kindness I too deserve. 

At my lowest point of vulnerability, grace appeared. I cannot say whether it was from above or from within although I suspect that above allowed me to find it within.