Thankful

Before getting out of bed this morning, I took time to say a few prayers. A lot more than a few. It occurred to me in that in between place of sleep and waking that most everyone I know is going through something tough. I've been ruminating on my own trials, but the reality is that so few are untouched, and if they are, probably not for long. Certainly not forever. This sounds pessimistic, but I assure you it's just realistic. Life is hard.

Life is also beautiful especially when we can give support and accept it. I usually don't pray before getting out of bed. I think that's a mistake. I felt such peace this morning. Of course I did. I asked for help and I accepted it. What an empowering lesson.

Today is a tricky day for me. This was my Mom's favorite holiday and so I see her in all the traditions we celebrate. I want to feel her too though. As the day unfolds and the festivities commence, I lose her, and that's why I like to get up and watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade. She watched it religiously every year. She'd likely already been up for hours prepping the turkey and making the stuffing, which I sure regret never doing with her because she took the recipe to her grave. It was a family favorite, yet to be replicated. I've looked through her recipe box time and time again. There are 20 recipes for chop suey, which she never made, and 20 recipes for a goulash we never ate, but not a single stuffing recipe.

Now, my Dad makes good stuffing too, and he even makes it two ways: with and without giblets. He's learned that no one prefers the chopped up organs in the stuffing except for him. I imagine he likes it this way because that's the way his mom made it. My Grandma lived through the depression. Wasting food was never an option and always a sin. We're all missing loved ones lost, paying tribute to them and keeping their memories alive. Food is memories folks.

But I digress. I always feel like the parade is my time with my Mom even though I didn't sit down and watch it with her often when she was here. There were many years I'd just gone to bed. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving was a big night out for kids. But I remember hearing the bands and smelling the feast being prepared and feeling so happy and safe and warm as I drifted in and out. It's that feeling that everything is right in the world, and it's temporary.

This morning the sun was lighting up the eastern sky in such a showy way, but by the time I juiced my lemon and started my coffee, cloud cover took over. That's the way I like it. Thanksgiving should be brisk and broody. So many people complain about the shorter days and the falling temperatures this time of year, but not me. I welcome the exterior darkness and the chill in the air. It invites introspection and ignites my inner fire. And it's temporary.

Today I'll take a walk with my husband. We've been running or walking on this day since we've been together. It's a tradition. Then we'll make our way to my Dad's for family time, football and feasting. We eat the same meal, give the same toasts, take a family picture in the same spot year after year and there is comfort in that. There is also much to be thankful for despite the bumps in the road we all endure. The road is life and it's not easy, but it sure is beautiful, and for that, this, them I am always grateful.