My Books For Living

I just finished Will Schwalbe's Books for Living. I've read a handful of his choices. I have a few on my must read stacks and I'll add a few more. It got me to thinking about my own list. What I came up with is not comprehensive or chronological. It's my quick response without overthinking or editing. I know for a fact that I'm leaving a few gems off because they failed to come to my mind at this time. These are books that came to me at the right time because I remember reading them and feeling something profound, and thus, memorable.

The Tao of Pooh was left in my apartment in college. I don't who left it or why. I read it and the messages of living simply and slowing down resonated with my overly-scheduled, highly distracted self. Things didn't change for me overnight, but seeds were planted to be in the moment more.

I read Romeo and Juliet for the first time in high school when I was in a tumultuous relationship with someone who made me feel all the highs and lows of being in love in one day and sometimes in the same hour. Being young and naive, I saw that as romantic. We went on in this way for years. Then I read this play again in college when I was in another relationship that was going off track, and I started to see this dynamic as destructive and unhealthy. That only lasted another six months. I once was a star-crossed lover. I have had my own Romeos.

I read Tuesdays with Morrie when it came out in 2002. I had a toddler so I identified not just as a mother, but also a teacher. It's one of the important things parents do. This book is more about living than dying. The legacy Morrie left by living in the moment made so much sense to me. I spent my time alternately trying to stop time to soak in this little person...this life, and fast forwarding it to see who he or we would become. I started to once again make the shift to living in the moment. 

Gratitude came to me a couple years ago. Since losing my mom, death and dying are always on my mind and heart. This book of essays written during what he calls the "Sabbath" of his life, left me with incredible peace. It reminds me to do good and to be good.

Let's just continue on this path. I read How it Feels When a Parent Dies when I was a tween. It was on the book shelf of the family I babysat for. I was intrigued because all parents were alive and well. I started reading the stories of these children of all ages and I couldn't stop. Then I couldn't stop crying. My parents were alive and healthy, but this book caused me to imagine a time when that would not be the case. I still pick this book up from time to time, and of course, now I know exactly how it feels.

The Prophet was the rage in college, yet I still turn to it for comfort in life. No matter where I'm at, this tome offers timeless comfort.

"No man is an island,” said John Donne. I feel we are all islands – in a common sea."

I read Gift from the Sea in my 20s before kids and I didn't connect with it. Then I read it in my 40s after kids, and I think I copied a quote from every other page into my common book. It's a treasure that I return to often filled with simple wisdom and not just for women. It taught me that their is a wisdom that comes with age.

"My wound is geography. It is also my anchorage, my port of call."

The Prince of Tides was one of the first novels I read that struck me as beautiful and terrible at the same time. Conroy is an eloquent writer, but his stories are often brutal. This book ignited my passion for fiction that is beautifully written, but sometimes hard to read.

all Mary Oliver In every poem or essay, there is at least one line that strikes and then stays with me. The common themes that simplicity is sublime in poetry and in life, and that the natural world is our supreme teacher always speak to me.

Joy Luck Club and really all of Tan's novels resonate with me because they are all about family and usually mother/daughter relationships, which always intrigue me. Relationships, especially female relationships, are complicated and beautiful. I was introduced to Tan in a contemporary literature class I took in college. It was an eye opening semester and a favorite class. One in which I also was turned onto Louise Erdrich, Zora Neale Hurston and Toni Morrison. The semester changed me not just as a reader, but also as a person.

The Year of Magical Thinking is a book about mourning. I read it shortly after my mom passed, and although Didion writes about the year following the death of her husband, it put poignant words to so many of my feelings. 

God doesn’t need to punish us. He just grants us a long enough life to punish ourselves.”

The Poisonwood Bible is one of my favorite novels. It's a family tale with a historical context that is set in one of my favorites places to read about: Africa. It's one of a few novels I've read more than once and wish that I had written. It inspires me that I still have a novel in me. Perseverance.

I read Wild a couple years after my mom passed, and it was so cathartic for me because although my story is very different from Strayed's, there is also something so universal in grief. So this sad story actually lifted me up because I felt less alone. Grief diminishes us and then gives is the chance to emerge from the pain and sadness stronger.

I finished The Bright Hour this summer. Now my grief is 9 years old, and this book helped me understand how the loss I suffered has changed me as a person. I realized that initially grief is bone crushing. Now it's just soul sucking. It never goes away...it just changes so live every moment until you've none left. It also makes me more compassionate and empathetic and forgiving.

If You're Afraid of the Dark Remember the Night Rainbow is a favorite I read to my children when they were little and we spent lots of time admiring the whimsical illustrations. We all need a little magic in our lives and a reminder to persevere.

Eat Pray Love taught me that we're never too old to change, learn, grow. It also informed that we deserve happiness a lesson I'm still learning today.

Jane Eyre because who doesn't love a great orphan tale, a Beauty and the Beast love story, and the Bronte sisters? It one of the classics I actually enjoyed reading.

Wide Sargasso Sea intensified the impact Jane Eyre had on me because essentially it's the prequel. I read both works in college for a feminist lit. class that lit a fire in me where women's issues are concerned. 

On the Road was one of the first novels I read because everyone was walking around talking about how brilliant it was, and I hated it. Catcher in the Rye was another. My unpopular point of view made for some interesting and intense conversation and to this day reminds me that it's ok to disagree.

"Discernment. Such a beautiful word….I thought about what it meant to choose wisely – not just once or twice, but in every waking moment."

Devotion is a memoir about spirituality and grief that touched me deeply. Dani Shapiro really leaves her soul on the page, and I pick this up when I need to remember that I have a body, but I am a soul as C.S. Lewis once said. We are but a small, humble part of something divine.

"Happiness is simple. Everything we do to find it is complicated."

Hand Wash Cold by Karen Maezan Miller is a memoir that illuminates simple Buddhist principals within the context of our daily lives and chores. It made me see the power in being present in every little thing I do another lesson I learn and relearn often in my life.

Crossing to Safety is a tale of loyal friendship, committed marriage, a mostly happy family that is just real. There's no big betrayal or extensive drama. Stegner has written a beautiful story with strong, interesting characters that illuminate a life worth living and isn't that what we all want at the end of the day...days. 

Beloved was one of the most difficult, disorienting novels I've ever read and also one of the most beautiful and rewarding. It taught me that hard work pays off and confusion gives way to clarity. It taught me not to give up.

I'm not a big fan of romantic fiction otherwise known as the sappy love story, but The Bridges of Madison County left me feeling raw, and desperate for that kind of all encompassing love. I can still pick this book up today and feel all the feels. It's a great one when I just need a cathartic cry.

Any Ina Garten because she's the best. I read cookbooks. It's a thing. I have all of Ina's and I go to them often for relatively easy, delicious food.

Every Katrina Kenison because she always speaks to my years are minutes and be.here.now proclivities.