Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for the peace of mind that comes from clearing my emotional cobwebs and moving forward from pains of the past.

Last night my Aunt called to tell me that she was at a fund raiser with an old friend of mine…an erstwhile neighbor, a one time soul sister, my one and only maid of honor, the Godmother to my only daughter, a woman to whom I no longer speak. And there are lots of reasons, slights, and transgressions for the silence between us today, but that’s not what I’m grateful for. The lapses in judgment, both hers and mine, don’t deserve reverence and that’s for sure…forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who trespass against me.

What I am celebrating is what I learned about friendship and what I have come to know (and in many ways I’m still learning) about myself as this relationship turned toxic. She was the first person to call me soul sister. I remember even as the words rolled off her tongue freely, that they took me by surprise and didn’t feel all together right. She uttered them loud and proud and often, until even I started to believe them. But then something else came in clearer…thou doust protest to much, or in this case...thou doust profess too much.

It’s no secret that actions speak louder than words. Her role in our relationship was lacking in verbs altogether, but it just took me awhile to see it. Saying all the right things and doing few of them doesn’t a solid friendship make. Let us love not in word or speech, but in truth and action.

And when my going really got tough, well she got going fast in the opposite direction. That made me angry, then sad, and then angry again, but all that is in the past now. Now I am at peace over what transpired and I am grateful for the lessons I learned in the long run. I have a feeling that she’s throwing her arms up in exasperation feigning cluelessness over what happened. But she knows. And I have a feeling that she’s blaming my grief for hardening my heart, but I know that my sorrow has opened it up and softened me in ways immeasurable. The pain I have endured has multiplied the rich relationships in my life fivefold, and the only thing that makes me sad that she’s no longer my "soul sister" is the fact that I’m not sad about it at all.