Do You Know What Sleep Is?

At 3:33 in the morning, sleep is an elusive gift just out of reach of my racing mind. Sleep is a matter of survival, and I dare say it's a matter of sanity as well. To be able to leave the good and the bad of one day behind and to gear up for the promise of a brand new one- one certainly filled with its own unique trials and tribulations...successes and joys - is nothing short of a miracle in my eyes. Divine intervention is the only way to explain how one can wake up and see each new day with renewed hope and restored resolve.

And truth be told, I was glad I was awake a few minutes ago to hear the pitter patter of Miss Bit's little feet as she raced from the warmth of her bed across the cold bathroom floor and then back again. I welcomed the chance to tuck her back in and tell her that I love her one more time because things weren't exactly peace, love and understanding in Casa W. tonight...last night...whenever!

No, Mama had a meltdown. (So...I guess now you can ascertain what I'm doing wide awake at this ridiculous hour.) I just wanted 20 minutes (OK maybe 30) of quiet to watch the end of a movie I started the day before (I know...indulgent and selfish) before tackling homework, the next day's lunches and dinner dishes, and so I asked T. Bone and Miss Bit to play a little something together. I shouldn't have been surprised when they emerged from the basement with a beef after a few short minutes. After all, that's protocol. That's sibling rivalry, but really? I cannot count on them to entertain each other for a few minutes? I mean I wasn't asking them to do the dishes, invent a new game or eradicate the national debt. I merely asked them To. Play. Together! Yes...TWO-GETHER!

After a brief session of 'he did this to me,' but 'she did that to me,' I ranted about my disappointment in both of them and abruptly sent them to get ready for bed at 7:45 (about an hour early). She was sad that she didn't get a snack and he was mad that he was punished unfairly for something he didn't do. She doled out extra kisses when I tucked her in. He wouldn't give me a single one.

I apologized for losing my cool because I know, and can admit, that there was a better way to handle the situation. I tend to let things build and whoa, eventually the levy breaks. Kids don't understand sweeping generalizations or the correlation between what they just did and what they did a month ago. Truth be told... I wanted to let them come down and have a do over, but I don't think that would have taught them much. I don't give out many punishments...really don't have to.

I punished them last night though and now I'm punishing myself. T. Bone and Miss Bit are the ones who are fast asleep after all. I'm punishing myself for being frustrated (with good reason), but reasons they really didn't understand. I'm frustrated that I was too overwhelmed to take a step back and plug in to the moment that called for patient teaching, not throwing my arms up in anger. I'm angry that I hurt their feelings by not being what I usually am...their soft place to fall.

I know that they'll wake up in the morning ready for a new day...yesterday's laughs and tears a distant memory. I'll be ready for a fresh start too.

Parenting is hard work. Guiding these little people who are quickly growing into big people sometimes feels like an overwhelming responsibility. I have a lot to learn too, and they are my toughest teachers...truly my best teachers.

I'm glad that's off my chest. It feels good to clear my racing mind, but now that I could get some sleep, it's probably more prudent to get some caffeine. T. Bone and Miss Bit will likely be up early...that means soon... after a long night's sleep. I'll be wiping the sleep from my eyes all day, no doubt, and remembering just who punished who.