Happy Birthday Mom!

I started to compile this collection when my Mom was still alive, but I could feel her slipping away a little more each day. I was filled with fear that I would forget the unforgettable, and so I did the one thing that always brings me comfort and clarity...I wrote. I made a list. I have carried this purge of memories with me for almost a year. It is cathartic and incredibly difficult to revisit and edit. The reality of changing from present to past tense is agonizingly agonizing. The golden nugget in all of this is that I haven't forgotten a single thing that I wanted to remember about the incredible woman I was blessed to call Mom, mentor, and best friend. And this compilation of things both large and small helps me focus on her life, not her death. I am still haunted by the fact that I am most often taken back to her last days. I yearn for the day when I think of my Mom and I remember her healthy, happy, feisty and full of life - the way she was for most of her 21,907 days. These are just some of the things that I will never forget...

• The way she would always say, "Do you know what I mean?"
• My wedding day was as big of a day for her as it was for my hubby and I, and I am absolutely certain that she watched our wedding video many more times than we have.
• She spoiled all of us, but especially T Bone and Miss Bit, the absolute apples of her eye.
• When she had a gift for someone, she could never wait until the occasion to give it.
  The way she used Windex, one would have thought that she owned stock in it. She used to joke that when she died, she wanted to be buried with a bottle of it. That was until she got sick and had to face her death and decide that she would be cremated not buried. But she did go with Windex (a single Windex Wipe).
• Her animals were like children to her. She treated them so well that they lived long, happy lives. Our first kitty was diagnosed with a brain tumor when she was still a kitten and the vet wanted to euthanize her, but my Mom wouldn't have it. She lived to be 23! One of her dogs had chemo and acupuncture.
• She always spoke her mind convincingly and was smartly opinionated.
• There wasn't a day that she didn't look like a million bucks.
• Except maybe one New Year's Eve night in the late 80's when she left the house in a floral embroidered sweater, a jean mini, jet black Lycra workout pants and her sable mink coat!
• Even without hair she was beautiful.
• She lost a few strands and made an appointment the next day to have her head shaved. She preferred to be in control. That was an empowering afternoon filled with hope and courage.
• She was a die hard Republican, and always aware of the issues.
• I was dead set against going to Madison for college because I was convinced it was too big. She secretly filled out an application for me and that is where I ended up going and having 4 of the best years of my life.
• Summer 1987...Student Orientation...leaving my Mom singing in the piano bar at the Governor's Club and heading to bed.
• I talked to her each and every day...several times of the day and night. I still do.
• She was present for the births of both of her grandchildren, and I know that those incredible experiences were highlights in her life. In fact, she almost beat us to the hospital when T. Bone was born!
• She was honored that Miss Bit was given her name as a middle name.
• She spent hours walking and rocking T. Bone while singing Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ra to calm his colic.
• She was a closet Jerry Springer junkie.
• Her generosity was unparalleled.
• Her father was her hero.
• She always had such sadness that he died before we were born and so regretted that he was not able to be a part of our lives here on earth.
• She talked to Grandpa Mack every Christmas Eve after my brother and I were tucked in bed. It upset me as a child, but I very much understood it as an adult.
• She was drawn to convertibles because they reminded her of him.
• Pumpkin 2...
• Her sporty racy red Celica...
• Her classy black Miata...
• And the Saab with the awesome satellite radio!
• She was the ultimate list maker.
• My Mom would clean her house for her cleaning lady...I'm talking scrub and scour.
• She worked 2 jobs when she had to make sure that we had all that we needed and most of what we wanted, and she rarely complained.
• Although she did not have the best relationship with her Mom, she made sure that she didn't repeat the cycle of benign neglect with her children.
• When she looked at Miss Bit, she would appear to be in awe and a 100 million miles away.
• She came to see T Bone and get her fix every single day for months after he was born.
• We always talked about building a mother-in-law suite for her someday to move into.
• Together we used to laugh at the way my Grandma would set the dinner table in the morning and fill pans with water to boil hours later, but she did the same thing.
• Family vacations...trips to the UP, Eagle River, Ixtapa Mexico, Little Hills Lake, Lake Noquebay, Powers Lake, Lake Winnepisaukee and Disney World.
• T. Bone's first trip to Disney World was her first time ever at the "happiest place on earth." She was thrilled to experience the magic with him.
• She was a carpet sweeper and could always tell when we would walk on the carpet in violation of "house rules.'
• She encouraged me to join a sorority and made sure my brother went abroad even though I know she didn't have the extra money for those experiences.
• She was queen of the sudoku and a puzzle fanatic always.
• I had to have a canopy bed when I was a little girl because she always dreamed of one as a child.
• She made the best ever tuna casserole, beef stroganoff and chicken ala king.
• If you told her you liked something, you would get it every time she went to the store.
• Cheeto Nanny!
• Junior Mint Grandma!
• She took care of me my whole life.
• Her traditional Thanksgiving feast was a family favorite...turkey, stuffing sans giblets, gravy, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, zucchini casserole and rolls.
• There would be lots of leftovers for everyone and plenty of turkey for white bread and Miracle Whip sandwiches, her favorite, the next day!
• Her other favorite sandwich was liversausage with onions on rye.
• Leisurely lunches at Greny's.
• Slim's and the Swinging Door too.
• She was so sure that my brother and I wouldn't come through on a 50th birthday party that she threw her own. She ended up having 2 in 1 week!
• I have never known a classier, smarter, spunkier lady!
• The night we went to see Anita Baker and sang under the starry skies.
• In college, she took me and my hubby to see Paul Simon's Rhythm of the Saints tour.
• She and I road tripped to Chicago to see Celine Dion in style... in a limo.
• She liked to find reasons to take limos.
• Concha y Toro vino.
• We saw the Rolling Stones a few years ago and were so close we could see Mick's wrinkles and ribs.
• She would never forget a face or a name.
• She was friends with everyone she came in contact with from work acquaintances to the check out girls at the market to her hair dresser to her neighbors.
• When she looked at you, you always knew whether she approved of what you were wearing.
• Yet her motto was, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all!" She never had to because the look said it all.
• And "If you want something done right...do it yourself!"
• She owned chaps and a cool black leather jacket and she could tie a mean doo rag.
• Her traditional Christmas Eve dinner...tenderloin, baked potatoes, spinach stuffed tomatoes, salad and dinner rolls.
• Dessert for her was always another glass of wine.
• But she could never resist butter pecan custard.
• She would never leave the house on St. Paddy's Day without a shamrock on her cheek.
• She rarely put off until tomorrow what she could do today.
• Jackie O. sunglasses...the bigger the better.
• She owned at least 50 pairs of black slacks and hundreds of pairs of shoes!
• She saw every movie on the Lifetime channel more than once and every episode of every Law & Order multiple times. Da dut!
• When she knew it was me calling, she would answer the phone, "Yes, maam."
• Every Mother's day she bought me 2 bluebells. They will always remind me of my Mom.
• Every salad she ever made was loaded with hard boiled eggs.
• When we were little, we could always tell by the sound of her voice whether it was really time to come home.
• She was horrible at keeping secrets and withholding surprises.
• She was an early riser.
• She was a terrible liar.
• Patience was never one of her best virtues. She despised being kept waiting.
• Her greatest fear about an untimely death was that her grandchildren wouldn't remember her. That fear has proven to be unfounded.
• She received blow after blow, yet she never gave up the fight and she never gave up hope.
• Ritz perfume. When I was little, I knew she was going out when she sprayed the Charles of the Ritz.
• She brought an entire suitcase full of Miller Lite beer to Ixtapa.
• She always was drawn to men who didn't value her enough and that's why I think she never remarried.
• That and her fierce independence.
• She didn't care what othe rpeople thought of her.
• When she retired, she wanted to finally finish her college degree and join an acting troupe.
• She ended up working almost until the day she died.
• Her beauty secret was Oil of Olay and it works. She never looked her age.
• Strangers used to think we were sisters.
• I have her eyes.
• We moved a lot when I was growing up, but she always made every house a home.
• She was quick to anger (Irish temper), but she was just as quick to forgive and forget. I was rarely grounded for more than an hour or two.
• Porch wine.
• She would work crosswords while she dried her hair each morning.
• Without enhancements her hair would have been gray.
• She knew the words to almost every song ever written.
• Her homemade tapioca, warm.
• Homemade gingerbread hot out of the oven with a dollop of whipped cream.
• This past Christmas Eve I watched my Mom and Miss Bit drift off to sleep...cheek to cheek.
• Her last Thanksgiving she was up to stuff the turkey hours after she had brain surgery. She had one heck of a will.
• Every opportunity she got, she would share my brother's success with anyone who would listen. She was incredibly proud of him.
• She had an eye for decorating...her house looked like a magazine. And everything always had to be perfect. everything had its place.
• She was the ultimate planner.
• When we were on vacation, our dirty clothes would magically appear clean on our bed every day because she was aways doing laundry.
• She loved Harleys. She rode on them, but never drove one.
• She was a hard worker who possessed an incredible work ethic and could get any thing done.
• Numerous people are now responsible for the job she did singlehandedly.
• She had the best laugh, was the life of the party and was one heck of a joke teller.
• She didn't like exercise and she despised shopping.
• Yet we used to take semiannual trips to Chicago to stock up.
• She was not a fan of coupons.
• She liked Robert Redford.
• She once made it to my house moments before the police when an intruder tried to break in. Then she slept on my couch until my hubby returned home from a trip.
• She was our protector, our rock and our cheerleader.
• There will never be another like her. She truly was one of a kind. She may be gone, but she will never be forgotten. Amen.