Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Mr. and Mrs! Their wedding was a fairy tale. They really showed us...shared with us such a once in a lifetime experience.

The boys were happy to see us. The first day home, they followed me around from room to room to room all day long.

Family who are also good friends.

BROTHERS...SISTERS.

Teamwork.

A cottage with a view.

Flip flops!

Learning about the history of Bermuda.

Colorful, beautiful Bermuda.

The people of Bermuda...welcoming, helpful, positive people who take such pride in their heritage and their home. Many of them shared that although they have to work 7 days a week to pay the bills, they would never want to live anywhere else. Who can blame them?

One Bermudaful Day After Another!

I think this just may be the longest blog break I've taken since I entered into this sphere a little over year ago. I may no longer be on island, but I'm still on island time. While we were away, I didn't watch a minute of television, check an email or read a single headline. No...instead I watched the people I love most loving the amazing tourkuoise (according to Miss Bit) water, having conversations about the beautiful days, vistas, occasion and reading 2 books. When you are 700 miles at sea in island paradise, there are no worries...well, except maybe Portuguese man of war, melting ice and sunburn. I'm struggling with keeping up with appointments and 'to lists' and I cannot even think about all those season finales on our Tivo or end of year parties now that I'm stateside.

This time last week I was sitting on a pink sand beach sipping a rum swizzle into the gloaming. My favorite time of day with my favorite people...I wanted to bottle up the moment as if it were the crushed shell and coral under my feet. I was gazing out at the ocean that I witnessed earlier in the day going from murky cobalt to brilliant shades of sea green, azure and cerulan. I saw the amazing transformation with my own two eyes from the windows of the plane. Despite the fact that we had been up and traveling for 10+ hours, Miss Bit and T. Bone were not showing any signs of slowing down. Miss Bit made a mad dash for the inviting Atlantic and on the way she left behind a trail: flip flops, cover-up, and her more cautious older brother. She had such rapport with the surf it was hard to believe it was her first time swimming in it. We canceled our dinner plans for the night (room service it was) in favor of more beach time and then retired to our own little cottage overlooking the ocean...we happily called the quaint Sandpiper home during our stay. My hubby and I enjoyed our surf and turf right on the patio under the stars and I kept hearing my Grandfather's voice saying "And I should complain" competing with the waves crashing below us. Family stopped by for a night cap after the kids turned in for the night and we toasted being together in such a stunningly beautiful place for a happy event.

We had to wake the kids up the next morning, but I'm pretty sure we would have slept the day away too if not for the courtesy of a wake up call. We joined Grandma and Grandpa for breakfast. T. Bone and Miss Bit were loving the bacon buffet. Well, there were plenty of other options, but they wanted fried pig fat with a side of fresh fruit. OK then...we're pretty lenient when we are on vacation and I wouldn't want someone telling me I had to eat the whole bran topped with ground flax seed that's for sure! And that's pretty much the way every day started. The kids were also quite amused by the little birds who flew around the restaurant helping themselves to the pastry table. These wee brave chirpers would flee whenever they saw a blue shirt...the color worn by the staff, and the amazing thing was that they would always fly right out the one open door despite the fact that the room was all glass!

We took a taxi to the Dockyards where we were scheduled for a glass bottom boat tour at 10:30 only when we got there, we were told that it was changed to 1:30. That was when I first started to grasp the definition of island time. Think go with the flow mon, but with a British accent. We decided to explore the area since we already forked out a $50 fare to the wharf...us and like 10,000 other tourists as there were 2 massive cruise ships in port that day. It turned out to be a welcome delay as we discovered The Keep, their fascinating Maritime Museum. This six acre fort had some of the most stunning views as well as a wealth of interesting information for us all to take in. My Dad was happy because he is a history major, my step-mom was excited to see the dolphins, T. Bone was jonesing on the prison and Miss Bit fancied herself Little Bo Peep with the flock of sheep who keep up (or down) the grounds.

After touring the museum, we welcomed a seat on the boat and a swizzle. We only saw some not so beautiful fish and lots of coral, but the trip was worth it because of what we learned about the island and the ocean. Oh and now I know where David Bowie's McMansion is. It was a wise choice to ride the bus back to the resort they are after all pink and there was no way we were renting scooters on those narrow, windy roads! But really, it's a great way to get a real feel for the local culture and it was an added bonus that school was just letting out. The kids rely on public transportation and filed on one by one. Every single one of them boarded the bus with a "Good afternoon," for the bus driver. We made room for a couple cuties to squeeze in beside us in the back row so we could chat them up, and Miss Bit shared her candies. They were delightful!

After a swim in the pool, followed by a swim in the ocean, followed by a delicious seafood dinner with my Mom's brother and his wife, daughter and new son-in-law, we enjoyed a welcome party thrown by the bride and groom on a patio overlooking the...you guessed it, the ocean, of course. T. Bone was so exhausted that he fell asleep on a chaise lounge on the deck and Miss Bit worked the crowd. I have THE BEST behaved kids E-V-E-R! One of the delightful bartenders that night was named Happy, but then I guess you'd be hard pressed not to be delightful with a name like that, and I'd pay good money for her accent!

After breakfast Friday morning, we headed to the beach where all sorts of frisbee, football and backgammon were played. There was also some sand castle building and some snorkeling. T. Bone braved the choppy waters and the men of war and enjoyed his first snorkeling experience. I was a chicken. Miss Bit threw herself into the waves with reckless abandon, rode them, jumped them and was even tossed around and upside down by a few of them and she kept going back for more. I was an even bigger chicken. Our lunch came just about time we realized that we had to get ready for dinner...that's what I'm talkin' about - that's island time. We took it to go and I finished my pina colada on the way to the cottage. Somehow all 4 of us managed to get ready in an hour after which we took a taxi next door to Water Lock Dock for a cruise on the Rising Sun a prelude to the rehearsal dinner. All's I can say is it was lovely, my daughter has zero fear and was reenacting leo and Kate in Titanic, and I saw Michael Douglas' house.

We disembarked in Hamilton for dinner at a local bistro. It was hard to choose an entree given the many choices, but I was very pleased with the local Wahoo especially with a forkful or two of my hubby's risotto, which he kindly shared with me. T. Bone wrote and delivered one of the nicest toasts of the night. Mine was short and sweet given that I didn't plan on giving one at all, but it all worked out in the end. There were words I felt were best kept between my brother and I so I wrote him a note. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable by getting verkhelmpt in front of his friends and family. I'm hoping I made the right call and that he appreciated that. My emotions are still so fragile and unpredictable.

My hubby was up early to golf. I let the kids sleep a bit before hitting the "bacon buffet" and then we crashed Aunt L. and Uncle L.'s beach. It was a little more crowded, but not as rough and just as beautiful, and hanging out with them was hangin' loose. We walked over to Horsheshoe Bay just to say that we were on one of the most famous beaches in the world. Let me tell you...not bad for a public beach! The kids were just pleased because there were snow cones for sale. Sadly, we couldn't stay long because we had places to go and dolphins to swim with so we met up with Grandma and Aunt Carol and headed to the Dockyards. Miss Bit was excited to swim with her namesake and another dolphin named Bermudiana, but Grandma and Aunt Carol were really like kids at Christmas giggling and unable to contain themselves. I can now say that I've danced with a dolphin.

Upon arriving at the Dockyards, it was obvious that it wasn't all abuzz as it was a couple days ago. No, it was more like a ghost town because the cruise ships headed out to sea. No, problem until it was time to hail a taxi and there was not a single taxi in sight. Yes, the bus was still running, but the information booth that sells the tokens was closed. In fact, most everything was closed and as I came to this realization just a couple hours before I was to be ready for pictures, I started to hyperventilate and feel a major anxiety attack looming. I was so absolutely sure that I was going to be late for my only brother's wedding so I did what any girl would do in said situation...I cried...no, I sobbed. I took my tears into a local shop and had the lovely owner ready to either have her own heart attack or call emergency for the one she thought I was having. She got on the phone trying to get us transportation as did the two local patrons in her shop without prompting. (Such are the kind people of Bermuda.) A couple tourists offerred to take us on their scooters, but I was sure we'd miss the wedding because we'd be dead if we went that route. And here's where I have to thank the prime minister of St. Kitts for choosing to vacation in Bermuda with his security entourage because his local police escort called us a cab at the vehement request of Aunt Carol who I am quite sure has never seen me come quite so undone in the 40 years she has known me. It took hours for my blood pressure to return to normal and just writing this now...well, it's on the rise.

So, it was once again a Chinese fire drill for the 4 of us to clean up for the wedding. I couldn't have done it without my hubby's help and sense of calmness, and as it turned out I didn't need to because the pictures I was supposed to be ready early for were never taken. I'll chalk that up to island time again. My brother was extremely anxious before the ceremony...it's not often that he gets a case of nerves. He took his place on Caso's Point, a little deck jutting out over the translucent water and when the violinist started to play Canon in D I heard him say, "Here she comes." Well, first were the handsome nephews dressed in matching seersucker blazers followed by the nieces also adorable seersucker twins for the day. Think classic J. Crew. I was extremely proud of T. Bone and Miss Bit for patiently guiding the little ones. And then da da da da...the bride all beautiful was walked out onto the point on the arm of her older brother to join my brother. The ceremony began with a moment of silence in remembrance of my Mom and the bride's parents. My eyes welled up, but T. Bone was more in need of the Kleenex I had than I was. The vows that followed were simple and sweet and short...the ceremony couldn't have been more than 10 minutes. As we converged on the upper deck for congratulations and celebration, my cousin pointed out 3 whales in the distance. Coincidence? My brother told me he felt my Mom's presence that day, and I'm so glad he felt her with him. It was such a perfect night...the best yet despite the fact that rain was in the forecast. After enjoying cocktails and steel drums, we kicked off the delicious 3 course dinner with a champagne toast given quite eloquently by my Dad. I was especially fond of the part where he said we should make an annual tradition of the renewing of their vows right here in this beautiful island paradise. When T. Bone heard that, he said, "Oh yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about!" Remember...he's 9. It was a night to remember... a vacation to never forget and as cliche as it sounds...I hope the happiest day in their past is the saddest day in their future. That's exactly what my Mom would have said, if she were there to raise her glass. Slainte!

COUNTDOWN IS ON

We're counting down the days until summer vacation. It's down to like 3 wimpy weeks not including our vacation to Bermuda, which is also fast approaching. We're counting down the days until my brother gets married too so it's no wonder I'm up at this ridiculous hour (4 a.m.)... I've got alot on my mind and a mole hill's become a mountain on my "to do" list. I'm sitting here planning my day as my little world wakes up around me. The sky already hints of the sun's rising and the birds are literally performing a chorus of calls from their treetop perches.

My brother and soon-to-be sil joined us for a little send-off celebration the other night. It's an emotional time for them...a bittersweet intersection of love and loss, joy and sorrow. I know I'll be smiling through my own tears so I cannot even begin to fathom how they feel, yet I know that both Moms will be there with bells on. A. confessed that she was lacking in the something borrowed department. My Mom took a diamond from her Great Grandma's and her Mother's rings and had the two stones set with a sapphire. She gave it to me to borrow on the eve of my wedding. Then she gave it to me after the wedding. I told the bride-to-be that I'd be honored if she wanted to wear it on her wedding day.

Today Miss Bit will enjoy a field trip to the zoo. She's disappointed that I'm not chaperoning, but she's understanding that there's a lot on my plate right now. Last week my hubby accompanied T. Bone on a field trip, and I think they could have gone to the dump and my boy would still have been happy just to have his Dad along for the ride. Makes me think that my brother would probably be happy to get married on the local, edelwiess infested beach if it meant my Mom would be there. Yet we are all excited to get on island.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for the peace of mind that comes from clearing my emotional cobwebs and moving forward from pains of the past.

Last night my Aunt called to tell me that she was at a fund raiser with an old friend of mine…an erstwhile neighbor, a one time soul sister, my one and only maid of honor, the Godmother to my only daughter, a woman to whom I no longer speak. And there are lots of reasons, slights, and transgressions for the silence between us today, but that’s not what I’m grateful for. The lapses in judgment, both hers and mine, don’t deserve reverence and that’s for sure…forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who trespass against me.

What I am celebrating is what I learned about friendship and what I have come to know (and in many ways I’m still learning) about myself as this relationship turned toxic. She was the first person to call me soul sister. I remember even as the words rolled off her tongue freely, that they took me by surprise and didn’t feel all together right. She uttered them loud and proud and often, until even I started to believe them. But then something else came in clearer…thou doust protest to much, or in this case...thou doust profess too much.

It’s no secret that actions speak louder than words. Her role in our relationship was lacking in verbs altogether, but it just took me awhile to see it. Saying all the right things and doing few of them doesn’t a solid friendship make. Let us love not in word or speech, but in truth and action.

And when my going really got tough, well she got going fast in the opposite direction. That made me angry, then sad, and then angry again, but all that is in the past now. Now I am at peace over what transpired and I am grateful for the lessons I learned in the long run. I have a feeling that she’s throwing her arms up in exasperation feigning cluelessness over what happened. But she knows. And I have a feeling that she’s blaming my grief for hardening my heart, but I know that my sorrow has opened it up and softened me in ways immeasurable. The pain I have endured has multiplied the rich relationships in my life fivefold, and the only thing that makes me sad that she’s no longer my "soul sister" is the fact that I’m not sad about it at all.

Tuesday Talk

Neither T. Bone nor Miss Bit are eager to leave the comfort of their beds this morning. It's a rainy, gray, windy day so I get it. The heat was on this morning for the first time in I cannot even remember how long. On the other hand, I'm feeling energized by the gloom and not because it's congruous with my mood. Today my disposition is actually sunny. It's just that I have a long to do list to tackle before we become islanders very soon. Coordinating attire and packing for four people is a time consuming task.

This nasty weather just may spare us from a ball game tonight too - 1 of 6 in 7 days so the rain out would be a welcome reprieve. Miss Bit had her first game E-V-E-R last night. The Sharks, it turns out, are pretty good hitters. Miss Bit got hits each of the 3 or 4 times she was up at bat and ran around the bases in the right direction and in the right order all the way home. Fielding is another story. If the kids are paying attention and not digging in the dirt, singing and dancing or daydreaming about a game on another field, there still is no guarantee that they'll get the ball that is rolling right to them. If the cosmos align and the ball ends up in their gloves by way of divine intervention, they treat it like a hot potato and fire it away all awry and willy nilly. Let's just say that everyone gets a hit, everyone gets a run and everyone wins. At the end of the game, Miss Bit had a big smile on her face as she asked if they won, but she was just as happy to hear that the game was a tie as she sat on the bench flanked by two of her besties.

Today is a pivotal day for my hubby. He hands in his last paper, and officially completes the road to his MBA. He made it look easy although I know for a fact that it wasn't. Especially difficult was the neverending effort to balance work, family and school, but he did an awesome job and I am beyond proud. He left the house in a tie this morning...more to come on that, but again I'm filled with pride.

The kids are still not stirring so I have to go back up and coax them out of bed, and make mine so I don't give into the urge to crawl back in.

Mother's Day

At church this morning Father T. made a point of not just recognizing mothers, but each and every parishioner because everyone has a mom. I thought that, quite simply, was nice and true. After the crowning of Mary during today's mass, which T. Bone and Miss Bit took part in, my mother-in-law was all set to go light candles...one for her Mom and one for mine, but every single candle had already been lit. Both of our eyes welled up and over in that moment. There are just so many people who are missing their mothers. There are just so many wounded members of this club no one wants to join. For the first time since I said "goodbye" to my Mom a year and a half ago, I was able to really embrace the fact that it doesn't matter when you lost your mom...whether it's been decades, years, months, days...it still hurts deep within in ways you cannot fathom until it happens to you.

I didn't lose myself to the sadness though. Partially, because I've felt my Mom around me so much in the last month and also because I'm lucky to be loved by T. Bone and Miss Bit - my sweet souled children who wanted nothing more than to give me a happy day. How could I not oblige them?

And how could I possibly feel sad to wake up next to Miss Bit and a beautiful sunny day. She smiled at me with still sleepy eyes and a banner case of bed head. We snuggled together in the same bed all night during a sleepover at one of my favorite people's...my Aunt's. T. Bone eventually made his way downstairs and straight over to me to wish me a Happy Mother's Day and to offer me the top of his head for a kiss. He didn't even think to complain about wearing "handsome" clothes to church today. They both remembered the cards they made and the flowers for their Sunday school teachers not only in honor of Mother's Day, but the last day of Sunday school. Miss Bit's teacher recently miscarried, and it was obvious to me for the first time that T. Bone's teacher will be welcoming a new little one soon. How can we ever understand the mysteries of motherhood? How can we explain the connections between mothers and children living and dead?

Miss Bit squeezed into a pew in the back of the church with her "church" friends, and T. Bone sat between me and his Grandma in our usual spot up front. We all reunited after mass for lunch, cards, and gifts at our house. I'm happy to report that I got what I wanted...tickets to Jack Johnson! Just go on...go on!

T. Bone had a late afternoon baseball game. The Red Sox won. He's now humbly referring to himself as "The Closer," but so are a lot of the Sox fans (parents). During the inning that he pitched, one Rocky got on first and he struck out three more quickly...confidently. My brother came out to cheer on the team despite the fact that he had very little sleep the night before whilst celebrating his bachelor party. He too wished me a Happy Mother's Day and then asked how I was doing. It felt strange to admit, "OK." He admitted that he was feeling a little bit blue. The Mom in me wants to take his sadness away, yet I know how impossible a feat that is...only his Mom could do that.

My little family of four gathered around the dining room table for a quick dinner of hot dogs leftover from last night's boy's bbq and corn on the cob. Then we retired to the family room for The Amazing Race. At the end of this day, I can say that it was a good day. I am happy and I love and am loved...you can read it below for yourself.

A note to my Mom!

I just want you to know...

I love you with all my heart!

You are the BEST MOM in the world!

You put a smile on my face, and you make the best brownie sundays.

I love it when you come and cheer me on at my baseball games.

I want you to know you will always be my FAVORITE mom!

I love it when you take us on vacations and I can't wait until the next trip to Bermuda!

You will always shine in the sun and will be my favorite Mom!

Love,

T Bone

My Special Mom

My Mom is the most wonderful

Mom in the whole world!

She's as pretty as a budrfloi (butterfly).

She weighs 50 and she is 40 feet tall.

Her favorite food is bagGo (bagels).

When my Mom was little, she use to plaiu (play).

I think that my Mom looks funny when she Jrs is up (dresses up).

But I know she's really angry when she wenses (?).

I wish my Mom would gev me kad (give me candy) everyday.

I wouldn't trade my Mom for kotnkad (cotton candy).

By, Miss Bit

Grateful Friday

Today I give Thanks for...

Neighbors. Our neighbor replaced the oversized kitchen storm that came crashing down free of charge (she works for a glass company). It's the first casualty thanks to a wild ball.

The boys went to T. Bone's baseball game last night.

While the girls stayed in for a night at the spa.

Peace, love and polka dots!

My watchcats.

Breakfast al fresco. How mentally and physically empowering an hour of kickboxing is.

My Mom...my rock who I know will be with me on Sunday.Five year old fashionistas!

Unsent letters. Free therapy.

My hubby is 1 paper away from his MBA! 6 pages to go!

Time with T. Bone going through his school memorabilia in search of a family tree he made. We both enjoyed a quick trip down memory lane.

T. Bone made his own sandwich and packed his lunch this week. It's time to encourage him to be more independent. He's ready even if I'm not!

The fort fight has been forgotten and there is relative peace amongst the neighborhood boys.

Lilacs abloom.

Thick skins. I've never been one to be dull and inpenetrable, but numbness and protection have their merits.

Frick and Frack. Peanut gives new meaning to scaredy cat. He stares down a racoon on his patio without a hiss, but hides beneath the couch when the doorbell rings. Tigger on the other hand thinks he's a dog. He growls at the repairman, then he sniffs him, and then he supervises what he's doing.

Sharing a Hershey's chocolate bar with almonds with Miss Bit...her first.

Lately when T. Bone sees me with my camera he asks, "What are you taking a picture for your blog or something?"

A new little Liberty of London bag just for little old me and the perfect necklace for my dress (so what if it was almost as much $$$ as my dress!) Now if I could only justify the matching bracelet, which is more $$$ than my shoes.

The 30 Somethingesque feel of Parenthood, which I recently discovered and have been enjoying.

T. Bone and Miss Bit have their last Sunday school class this week until programs resume in fall.

The idea that there is a story in everyday. We just have to find it. I do.