Around Here

 

I woke to a rumbling sky. While yesterday was a near perfect summer day, there are few things better than Sunday morning thunderstorms. Coffee is made. It just may be a two cup morning. I'm chilling with their father and later I will see mine. I'm back because yesterday I didn't intend to spill my guts. I'm okay with and owning it, but I missed all the good stuff that's going on right now.

 

Stuff like a long walk on an old path yesterday. I mentioned the quintessential summer day...it would have been a sin to skip our miles. On the final turn, Lils surprised us. After her 30 mile bike ride, she changed her shoes and went out for a run. That's called a brick. Bricks are essential in her Ironman training. I need to gush about my girl for a minute. She is so strong and not just physically. I am in awe of her discipline and drive. She's definitely doing epic shit.

Stuff like last night's family night. Mike grilled beautiful rib eyes and I made a perfect potato rosti and a cheesy spinach pie. Lils had breakfast for dinner. She doesn't eat meat unless it's chicken. We grilled that too, but she had a craving for veggies and eggs and she asks for so little and appreciates so much. Short order cook is one of my super hero strengths. The kids cleaned up without being asked. We stayed around the table playing games.

I love having both my kids home. We're getting into a rhythm. They're busy, but we're still finding time to connect. This is Lily's first full-time job and it's sort of kicking her butt. Abby and Emma keep her busy all day long. They are sweet girls, but sparring sisters too and my girl is killing it with them. I think they are going to get along better by the end of the summer and they both want her to come back next year.

Ted is scheduled to take his first CPA exam next week. Prepping for this has been his almost full-time summer job and I'm impressed by his discipline too. He's having some fun and doing some good too. Lots of golf, Wednesday night beach volleyball, jaunts to Madison to see Meryl who is reporting stories like a pro, riding hills with Lils, helping Grandpa in his yard, giving Hazel and Gus lots of attention and treats.

 

 

 

Stuff like crisp, sweet grapes, salads for dinner, a new pair of walking shoes, orioles in the yard, healthy cats, clean sheets, country music, my husband watering all the flowers I plant, farm eggs, family and friends.

 

 

 

 

Lately

 

I'm back to insularity. I think I know why, but I'm not ready to go there yet. I'm also hoping and praying that I don't have to. What I do want to put the shine on is simply the extraordinary ordinary of every day life right here, right now. I'm channeling presence and always gratitude. Together they are the secret sauce for getting through the day with a happy heart. So while I've been quiet, I have also been content.

I came home from work one day last week and snuggled in bed with my Hazel girl. It's our routine and so I'm trying to keep up with the rather demanding schedule she expects. It's grueling to come home and crawl into bed with her for a half hour. The windows were open and letting in the sweetest breeze. We relaxed in relative silence. That girl purrs like a puffing chuffing steam train. And of course there were the expected sounds of a summer afternoon: kids playing, dogs barking, a lawnmower humming away, a siren in the distance, the whir of the ceiling fan and the sad perch coo of a mourning dove in the yard. I fell into a deep meditation and emerged with a clear mind. It was better than a nap. I'm not good at quieting my monkey mind, but I now think I should give regular meditation another go.

I'm dealing with the end of a long-standing friendship that was important to me for decades. I don't know why. I don't really think it's me, but every night I'm back in high school in my dreams feeling all the teenage angst so as far as my subconscious is concerned, the burden and blame are mine. I'm doing something uncharacteristic. I've stopped reaching out and I'm letting it go. It feels a little bit like a death. I know it sounds dramatic, but I'm grieving. 

I'm mad and I'm sad and I miss my friend, but I'm also feeling beaten down and bruised. Then I thank God for the handful of girlfriends that are my chosen sisters. Btw, she was one of them. And I know my mom was right when she said, we are lucky to count our soul sisters on one hand. Friendships take time and attention. Those are finite resources.

So lately I've been thinking about reaching out to an old friend. We were thick as thieves for years. She was wicked smart and just as funny. We were Thelma and Louise. I know why our friendship cooled. I was married with little children and she was footloose and fancy free. I'm mulling over what I would say and also trying to parse out if I really miss her or I just want to fill that finger.

That being said, I was grateful that Sue reached out this week to get together. We had a long overdue catch up, wine night Thursday. Then Jess called yesterday and came for an impromptu dinner. She knows I have been a homebody so she came to me. I'm blessed they're both fingers.

weekending

it's already hump day and i'm just finally here to recap last weekend. it was a good one, but then aren't they all? it doesn't take much to make me happy especially on saturdays and sundays. i was happy.

happy to sleep in a little, and catch up on laundry, and clean out the frig so i could stock it again, and use the dregs to make lily's new favorite eat the rainbow plate of food, and replenish her ranch stash (homemade is so so so supreme), and take a walk, and spend time with family. happy to breathe and think and dream and connect. happy to listen to the birds and the bees and the dogs and kids in the neighborhood.

 

i

we went for dinner saturday at one of mark's favorite places in his memory. he was gone a whole year saturday and all i could think of was that he should have been with us. i miss his smiling eyes, his warm heart and his wry wit. it was good to be with family and vietnamese food is awesome. mike misses him terribly. i do too, but i know it's different.

ted spent the weekend in madison, but was home for sunday dinner. home for sunday dinner at 9 o'clock, but to be fair both kids were twilight golfing and his timing was spot on. mike fired up the grill. the steak that would have lasted the two of us all week, was just about gone after one meal. i'm not complaining because almost nothing makes me happier than feeding my kiddos and family dinner. i'm just glad he's not too keen on wine. also that i can afford tenderloin at all. and wine.