Living in a dream of the future is considered a character flaw. Living in the past, bathed in nostalgia, is also considered a character flaw. Living in the present moment is hailed as spiritually admirable, but truly ignoring the lessons of history or failing to plan for tomorrow are considered character flaws.
I still needed to record the present moment before I could enter the next one, but I wanted to know how to inhibit time in a way that wasn't a character flaw.
Remember the lessons of the past. Imagine the possibilities of the future. And attend to the present, the only part of time that doesn't require the use of memory.
~ Sarah Manguso
Ongoingness
Yesterday was hard, but good. Happysad. Bittersweet. Mother's Day is a colossal intersection of love and loss for me. For many. I woke ailing physically. Oddly that mitigated my emotional pain. The fact that it was a cold and rainy day was Mother Nature's permission to take comfort.
Miss Bit and her trail of hearts ushered me into the dining room once I roused. The table was set and a candle lit. She took my order and then helped her Dad prepare my coffee and camel's eyes. I wasn't hungry, but there was no way I was not going to play along. Her gesture showed such sweetness.
When T. Bone's baseball game was rained out, we got comfy for an Amazing Race and Survivor marathon. It kept my mind off my aching bones and heart. And my memories too. A commercial made us hungry for burgers so Coach and Lily headed out to pick up linner. A cheeseburger almost never tasted so good.
I devoured my cards and gifts for dessert. I loved them all, but what means the most to me are their words. Wow! I say w-o-w. I was left humbled by the past and grateful for the future as I felt to the core of my being the importance of being a mother. Their mother. That is my greatest gift.
I never left the house. We never prepared a proper dinner, and yet it was a perfect Mother's Day because I felt very connected to and cherished by my family. And while I missed my Mom, I felt more blessed than blighted.
