Looking In While Looking Out

I'm sitting here at the kitchen table with a view of the leaf scattered lawn.  It's still green and lush and growing.  The squirrels are really running themselves ragged this morning.  Especially Little Red who will soon no longer resemble his name if he keeps gorging from dawn to dusk.  He cannot say no to a single stray nut or worm infested piece of fallen fruit.  It strikes me that he is simply busy being busy as I quietly watch him in spite of the long list of things I must do.  But I don't want to do right now...I only want to be.  I could sit here all day long sipping something hot while I dream and muse.

I am in denial that tomorrow is the last day of my favorite month.  I feel a little cheated because it went by at warp speed, and gypped that I didn't have the time to pay it homage the way I like to do.  The way I am called to do.  The way I need to do.  And I guess I'm also feeling a bit angry because the time was there...I just didn't seek or carve out the moments.

And I'm also feeling a little unsure of how and why this is where I find myself on the 30th day of O' holy October.  I am never ambivalent about this autumnal span. Ever.

Be but rest assured I will make up for my half hearted embrace of what I know deep within to be the sweetest of days.  November days behold a tide and tempo that entrance me almost as much.  Our eleventh month serves up an extra generous dose of gratitude along with the comfort and contentment that October offers so I will shake off this irreverence, take it all in, sit with it and give thanks for the blessing to be. here. now.  Right here...right now.  Be.