Remembering

It's a grey day.  Perfectly somber for remembering all the victims of 9/11.  I cast my net wide to include the casualties on that day twelve years ago and the many since.  The brave soldiers, aid workers, diplomats, entrepreneurs, innocent travelers and others who have since become victims of this hatred we call terrorism.

Because I am human, when I think of their loss, I think of mine.  Because it is what has become the sad month of September, I think of my Mom. I am missing her again viscerally.  Soon she will be gone five years. That makes me want to scream.

The other day I was going through some of her boxes of letters and cards and I found a stack of envelopes addressed to the kids.  For Teddy on your High School Graduation Day.  For Lily on your 18th Birthday.  For Teddy on your Graduation From College.  For Lily on your Wedding Day.  They were all empty.  I am sure too painful to write even with the strongest spirit and best of intentions.  I found one that she had written: To Lily on your 16th Birthday.  Truthfully, it didn't really sound like my Mom...her Nanny.  It sounded more like a generic Hallmark card.  That made me momentarily glad that she didn't get the chance to write notes for the other milestones.  Even the writer and historian in me knows that some things are better left unpenned.