There are no moments of joy because you are always anticipating when the next possible moments of joy might arrive. As soon as tomorrow? As late as next year? Maybe in a week or two? Not that it matters, because you would not enjoy that either, you'd be too busy wondering where the next fix of fun would come from. Addiction is, in its essence, an inability to live in the moment.
More, Now, Again
Elizabeth Wurtzel
I took on Wurtzel's memoirs back to back. First I lived through her depression (Prozac Nation) and then her addiction. Both chronicles, difficult to read at times, left me amazed not only that she lived through them, but that she was strong enough to tell the stories of her struggles. I paused many times pondering her words. This passage, in particular, resonates with me. It seems to me that so many of us wish our lives away waiting for this or that to come or happen so sure that when it does, we will truly be happy. Sadly, the inability to live in the moment afflicts us all at times whether or not we suffer from addiction. It's hard to live for the moment. It takes discipline to be in the here and now whether it's joyful, rueful or something in between. It is a leap of faith to remind myself: be. here. now. It takes trust to wholly embrace that here is worth being. It is not always clear that the closest certitude is in the now. The only way: to be.
