2 day pass

i've been marinating on the weekend.
trying to make peace with it all.
make sense and sensibilities.
what i've decided is that sometimes being switzerland is hard and not very peaceful for me personally.
because the thing is... i hurt when other people hurt.
if i love you, or even like you a little, i can see beyond your flaws, recognize my own and forgive us both.
i just wish that were true for us one and all.
it is not, and i'm grappling with what to do with that.
character is important to me.
very important.
kindness is also right up there.
forgiveness too.
there are many things that many deem more valuable in life that i say are nice...very nice even, but not worth their weight if given penultimate importance.
they pale miserably when measured against the real few true.
so the weekend was full of emotion.
most celebratory and cause for cheer.
i'm trying hard to keep track of those.
to keep them in my sight.
to help make them shine brighter.
it was a weekend of hosting.
many family and friends came through our house, sat at our tables, shared in our days and nights.
we broke bread, or tortillas, toasted with wine, beer or lemonade, played games (some planned and others better never taken out of the box).
togetherness.
that's the way i like it.
that's the marrow of my bones...
the line in my life.
that's the spirit in my soul.
i reconnected with one of my first friends.
she happens to be married to coach's first too.
i laughed with  newer friends, and just simply hung out with my dad and stepmom.
it was goooood and yet i was a wee bit sad.
that's the tenor of these days.
there are things i cannot change even as they change me.
and to thy own self  i must be true.
i'm thinking a thickening of skin is in order.
it'll happen.
it always does.
at a cost,
a distance.
a cheapening of potential.
but the very best of me...of life...seeps through no matter the callous and in spite of the hardening.
it's really what keeps me going.
it tells me that i do embrace what matters in life...usually.
strive to always.
always will.