This and That Today

I've been hibernating after a busy to the brim weekend. The weather has been conducive to staying comatose under a fuzzy afghan all the day long. We're in a serious stretch of cold here. Mother Nature's timing is just right too because I am feeling a little bit under the weather the past few days. It kind of started after my heavenly painful, very deep tissue massage Saturday morning. Auriel quickly determined that the right side of my pelvis was tipped forward and 2 inches higher than my left side again, which then causes all sorts of compensation, torquing and disalignment straight up through my neck. She said something about my "lower back of steel," which I'm pretty certain is not a compliment unless you are talking about abs or buns. I wanted to cry when our 75 minutes was up...it just hurt that good. I booked another massage for this evening and left there feeling like a brand new woman. That only lasted until I woke up Sunday morning with a back so bruised I was sure I moonlighted in a boxing ring with more than one heavy weight.

It would probably have been astute to opt out of the snow bowl my brother planned before the Super Bowl, but it was snowing beautifully outside, my kids (and their uncle) were so stoked for the festive competition, I had a little liquid courage and do tend to fantasize that I am, indeed, the Little Engine That Could on a daily basis. I tackled, was tackled and tromped and traipsed through feet of snow all in the name of the game. And it was fun, exhausting but ultimately painful. I confess that I am a little nervous about exactly what sort of state Auriel is going to find my back in today, and also beyond grateful for her attention to every muscle, ligament and tendon.

Sunday's late night of Super Bowl revelry - but...WE WON! WE WON! - can also be blamed for my low energy this week. I'm still recovering from too little sleep and too much everything else. Eating pulled pork sandwiches and meatball sandwiches and buffalo chicken dip washed down with chilled chardonnay does nothing for one's insides when they've been unaccustomed to goo and grease, but oh was it good. The kids had a ball too. Well, until Monday morning when Miss Bit pulled off her sleeping mask upon waking and declared, "It cannot be! I've only slept 2 hours!" Now let me just assure you that it was much more than two measly hours, but also much less than her desired 10 1/2 hours of beauty sleep. I'm not a candidate for mother of the year after Sunday night's antics, or after parking myself on the couch to watch The Bachelor Monday night. The good news is that the rest of the week I can only get better....do better...be better.

To that end, I went to the market yesterday and stocked up on all varieties of good for us food. My cart was a rainbow of reds and greens and oranges and yellows. Never mind that we had the Boyscout Blue & Gold dinner last night where the salad was all iceberg and nothing else. Not a tomato or a cucumber or a pepper was to be found in the massive bowl. The lasagna had 20 pounds of cheese per pan, and someone told me they actually saw my son eating a pat of butter. When I'm finished here, I'm going to start a pot of soup for dinner: split pea with lots of carrots and celery, a few red potatoes and a couple jalapenos (that's my secret), and then I have a date with my treadmill.

And on being healthy....incidentally, Miss Bit asked me if I thought she was fat last night. She's 6 1/2! She just celebrated her half birthday on Monday. I assured her that she is beautiful and healthy, and yet she admitted that she thinks her tummy is fat. She worried that she shouldn't have eaten the cake after dinner. She's in first grade and already she is on the road to developing body issues. I find that so sad and so scary, but I'm also glad that she's talking about it with me.

I was talking with a 10 year old girl last night at the dinner. Well, she was talking with me in between texts with her friends. WTH? She was updating me on who the couples were in 4th grade since T. Bone doesn't go to that school anymore. I asked her what it means exactly "to be a couple" when one is only 10. It's innocent enough. They profess their like, write each other notes, send messages through their friends, play coy and shy, avoid each other like the plague and then break up with confused feelings. It's innocent enough...for a teenager that is! I didn't "go steady" with a boy until 7th grade. Cell phones, texts and dating drama have no place in the lives of 10 year olds as far as this mother of one is concerned. This morning at breakfast, I asked T. Bone if any of that was going on in his class. With complete and utter disgust he ponied up that so in so likes so in so, and then he added that he just didn't even see the point in liking girls until like 8th grade. I know...we'll see about that, but I do love my little jock.

And now that Miss Bit is 6 1/2 she's decided that she is ready to get her ears pierced. I have more mixed emotions about that rite of passage than I thought. They grow up so fast, yet I refuse to throw my hands up in the air in exasperation. In some ways, they only grow up as fast as we let them. I can say 'no' to earings and inappropriate clothing. I don't give them cell phones, or tv's and computers in their rooms, although they're smart enough not to ask. I can monitor their media exposure. I can encourage certain friendships and discourage unhealthy relationships. I can teach them values. I can live by example and lead them in this process of growing up. And here's the thing...it's never too late to decide you've been too lenient, too indulgent, too mollycoddling, too permissive. It's never too late to put your foot down, to open your ears and eyes, to hold out your hand. Parenting requires constant revisiting, refeeling, readjusting. It's the hardest job I've ever held, and also the most beautiful.

And that brings me right back to my massage if you're still with me. I had the same exact problem almost exactly a year ago. Not debilitating pain just close to constant discomfort. Kind of like the grief that I live with day after day. The pain became a part of my daily life...I dealt with it, I accepted it. As Auriel worked out the kinks and knots that came from everything from childbirth to stress, I found myself feeling so much physical relief and also a flood of emotional release. I cried as the tension dissipated and it was as if each knot was a samskara that had left a mark not only on my psyche, but also my back....an imprint not only on my body, but also my mind. In that moment, I organically felt the connection between my physical and emotional pain. I realized that I deserve to feel good, and I gave myself permission to take care of me too. I thought about what I teach my children when I deny my own needs. That doesn't seem to be a very strong example. Living well...working out the tangles and through the wrinkles...is not easy, but the beautiful result is worth it.

That's all I know today, and I think that's enough.