Not Me! Monday!

I did not come home the other day and find one of my cats asleep in the sink waiting for a drink because I do not let my cats on counter tops, and I never turn the faucet on. They only drink out of bowls on the floor.

I did not gag when I had to wipe my daughter's almost 5 year old friend's bottom the other day and then there is no way that I proceeded to suggest that it was time for her to learn to do that all by herself. No, I would never mother, or more like nag, a child that is not mine.

I did not go to the tattoo parlor last week and get my ears pierced just before closing.

I did not quick get on the elevator this morning, push my floor and then hope that the door would close on the woman behind me after she failed to hold two doors for me.

There is no way that I made a batch of cookie bars only to realize that I needed another half a batch to fill the pan and then let my daughter lick the beaters after each batch.

I most certainly did not give my husband disapproving glances while he watched college basketball yesterday and I toiled away at laundry.

I did not make my son sunny side up eggs for dinner tonight and my daughter scrambled eggs because I am not a short order cook.

I did not read my daughter Fancy Nancy and then listen to my son read me Captain Underpants, kiss them goodnight and steal away downstairs to find out if Jason is going to pick Melissa or Molly because I am not still tuning in at my age to The Bachelor every week. No, not me!