On My Mind Monday

All year I have been keeping time by last year's calendar.

Joan Didion

The Year of Magical Thinking

I know what this is like.  It's been almost 5 years and I can say that while I move forward (like I have a choice), I am always looking back.  Miss Bit will turn 9 next month.  My Mom died shortly after her 4th birthday.  It boggles my mind and hurts my heart that she has now lived more years without her nanny than she lived with her.  Ouch. There's no bandaid big enough for that wound.

2 day pass

friday we had 2 all star games so we had to divide and conquer.

while coach was coaching t. bone's game,

i went to cheer on miss bit.

so did all the grandparents and aunt jess.

you see it was her first time playing on the little league park outside our major league field.

that is sort of big league.

especially when you are 8.

team lightning was rained out.

ironic?

I do think.

thunder! thunder! rain! rain! come on lightning! win this game!

we weren't going to let a little rain spoil our night.

we decided to gather for dinner at the restaurant on the premises.

i love how seriously she is studying her menu when she knows without a doubt that she will order chicken tenders with ranch and ketchup!

While we waited for our food, grandpa and miss bit went for a stroll around the stadium.

the big story they returned with was how grandpa saved a little bird trapped in the corridor.

my girl thought it was hilarious that the little bird rewarded grandpa's kindness by promptly pooping on him.

miller park

after dinner, we all went exploring.

it was very cool to be alone in the stadium checking out the nooks and crannies.

it ended up being a really fun night in an interesting way.

we came home to find that t. bone was able to finish his game despite numerous rain delays.

and that his team won.

also that he went to sleep at a friend's house.
no surprises there.

saturday morning felt like fall and was welcomed in a lazy way.

quiet solitude until t. bone came home from practice and within 30 seconds had invited over friends.

you don't like being alone do you?  I asked.

duh! was his answer.

all day miss bit called and wondered the whereabouts of her neighborhood bestie.

when she finally reached her she asked with complete exasperation, where have you been all day?!

she was squealing with delight when she discovered they'd be able to spend the rest of the day together.

and they did.

they're still upstairs asleep.

by the time i set out for a walk yesterday, it was a beautiful, breezy 70 sun shining degrees.

i finished the year of magical thinking.

i liked it, but i'm ready for something a little lighter.

today it looks to be another beautiful day for a walk.

i'll start sense and sensibility.
as i recall the dashwood sisters do not disappoint.

coach spent much of the afternoon preparing his baby back ribs.

jess joined us for dinner.

they were mouthwatering.

so good that my meat loving miss bit ate 5!

of course she didn't touch her potato, corn or cole slaw.

which explains how she was able to eat 3 smores!

it was the perfect summer night to gather round the fire toasting marshmallows.

the best smores are made with dark chocolate almond bars or peanut butter cups.

tonight we'll gather with a group of school/baseball friends for what i am sure will be another wonderful night of good food and drink and fun.

summer is good.

life is good.

miss bit just came down and said, guess what time we stayed up until? 1:30!  we watched a movie on my i pad on netflix.

i didn't even know she had netflix.

Saturday Morning

It's a lazy one.  Slow to evolve.  A cool, grey, windy put on a sweatshirt morning. It's a James Taylor, John Denver, Jim Croce morning.  A little Simon and Garfunkel too.  A sing along morning.  It's a two cups of coffee morning.  Coffee with extra cream.  It's a sourdough toast morning.  Toast with extra butter and maybe a little cheese on top.  It's a go back to bed under the covers to read morning.  It's the best kind of morning.

Grateful Friday

Today...or yesterday seeing as how it's 12:40 a.m....I give or gave thanks for...

Clouds.  The skies have been phenomenal the past few nights.  tonight Miss Bit declared, They look alive.  Really alive!  The thing is...that's it, exactly.  Pulsing...thriving...morphing.

All stars.  Yes, plural.  Tonight we had two.  Thanks to the clouds only one game was played.  It will be rescheduled with much anticipation and excitement. The other game was a win.

Now Coach will be able to attend Miss Bit's first all star game.

Fans ala grandparents and aunts who come to cheer on the player and take pictures even if all they get is a tailgate and a secret back lot tour of the whole ball park including Bernie Brewer's slide.

Loved ones who huddle under umbrellas at the ball park even when there's no likelihood of a game.

My pastel pink seersucker skirt.  To me it speaks quintessential summer. I wore it for the first time today and I noticed the little spring in my step.

Crispy fried eggplant washed down with a glass of Montepulciano at a favorite restaurant.

1/2 birthday celebrations.  When your birthday is December 27th, you really get a lackluster celebration.  Everyone tends to be all celebrated out so this year we celebrated...or are in the process of celebrating T. Bone's 12 1/2.  I really think we are on to something here.

Baby bunnies.  Our yard is full of them right now.

When I asked Miss Bit to rate the nanny, she gave him a 10!  Then I asked her what she thought T. Bone would give him, and she said, He'd probably give him a 9 1/2 cuz he's all judgey you know?  Miss Bit is spending the most time with S. as T. Bone is often out and about with his band of boys.  This week he took her to her favorite nature center to pond, out for lunch and also to see Monsters University.

When polled, she first gave summer so far an 8-9.  Then sensing my satisfaction, she decided to change her mind and gave it a 6-7.  I'm  protesting that score.

Next week I'm on holiday.  Staycation mostly.  Scary and liberating,

Blog Break

I've been on a bit of a blog break.  It's not that I meant to stay away from this space it's just that I was too busy driving the white taxi, busing tables and sending and responding to messages with regard to who was in my charge and where my two charges were at any given time.  Tuesday morning was completely sucked up by texts, e mails and phone calls coordinating children's schedules numerous not my own.  There were times that both phones were ringing or buzzing or flashing.  I am serving meals in shifts, making countless pitchers of lemonade, and having serious flashes of deja vu as I drive a strikingly similar route at least a dozen times a day.  So I'm waiting to feel the lazy days of summer I keep hearing about and dreaming of.  What I hear is: Mom can so and so come over?  Mom can I go to go to so and so's house?  Mom can I do such and such with so and so?  Mom!  Mom!  Mom!  I admit that I have fantasized about changing my name.

I'm now lovingly referring to my work as Spa Nicholas and am seriously reconsidering my planned vacation next week. 

I kinda remember waxing all poetic a couple weeks ago about how this is their (kids) summer...their time...their break.  I mused about how their fun and enjoyment trump any and everything else.  Apparently, I need to drink some more of the kool aid I'm constantly mixing because I'm already starting to see the seismic-sized faults in that line of reasoning.

Don't get me wrong.  I am pleased as punch that they are digging summer.  I love seeing them happy.  And they are.  Blissfully so.  Miss Bit has completely muddied her shoes in pursuit of countless frogs and the cutest petite turtle.  She's always playing outside with this friend or that.  She's all about the wonderful variety of popsicles, water fights and baseball just as long as she doesn't have to play first base.  T. Bone is living and breathing baseball.  I'm sure he's dreaming it too.  When he's not at the field, he's at the pool.  They've consumed their weights in ice cream, and scarcely spent a still moment.  Electronics have been severely neglected as have chores and summer reading records.  They've played so much Monopoly they know all the rents by heart.  They are so exhausted by the end of the day that they fall asleep on the couch or are asking to go to bed.

So it's good...all good.  I just have to stop talking the talk and instead walk the walk.  And yes...drink the kool aid too!

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

A beautiful week of weather.  No humidity, no bugs, little rain and lots of sun, a light breeze.  Picture perfect.

Summer vacation is off to a stellar start.  Miss Bit enjoyed her first week of camp at the nature center.  She couldn't wait to pond every day.  T. Bone looks forward to his basbeall clinic each afternoon.  They are just the right amount of busy.  I've yet to hear the dreaded I'm bored.

Impressive report cards from both kids.  He never earned less than an A all year.  Not one B.

Grandma and Grandpa bought her these snazzy new shoes last weekend.  They thought they would be perfect for ponding only she doesn't want to get them dirty so she's wearing an old pair of Crocs.  I get it.

Summer fruit.  The produce guy wasn't kidding when he said that these plums tasted like candy.  They do.  I mean...they did.

Miss Bit recently asked me if I thought she was a tom boy.  My response was something about how she was a well rounded young lady.  To that she said, "No Mom, really I AM a tom boy!  I like bugs and frogs and being outside."  And I guess I can't argue with that.

This summer staple : the tomato sandwich perfected by grilling whole wheat sourdough filled with ripe tomato slices and slabs of swiss cheese.  More nice than naughty!

Ruzzle on the I Pad.

Boggle and Monopoly at the dining room table.

Sweet smelling butterfly bushes.

Feeling the weight of these words from The Year of magical Thinking: A single person is missing for you, and the whole world is empty. And then also how this was not my experience.  My experience was that there were so many angels here on earth.

Summer movie releases.

Daisies.

(Backyard) Baseball...

Hot dogs...

No apple pie though!  Just candy bar cookies hot out of the oven.

A quiet evening at Casa Wags.  Both kids were out and I was able to check out and watch a movie with Coach.  I was in the midst of an allergy attack, which is much more than a sneezy, runny nose for me.  I didn't use my Epipen, but I did read the instructions.

Lessons

These are the things I learned today in no particular order of importance or occurrence:

It was wise to opt for the extra hour of sleep this morning.  I was having a captivating, exciting dream about Chicago.  It was more like tropical Hawaii than the windy city, and I was just so plussed that I could take a 90 minute drive instead of a 12 hour flight to partake in the beauty.  See why I didn't want to wake up?  I would have most likely used that hour to blog.  I almost always blog in the morning from the vantage point of the day's potential.  Now I sit here at the end of the day with a glass of wine instead of a cup of coffee and the perspective of what has happened, not what might.

70 degrees is the perfect temperature.  Not too hot.  Not too cold.  Completely comfortable.  Beautiful bliss.

More is the merrier and an even number is best.  T. Bone had 3 buds over today and there was never an odd man out or an utterance of We don't know what to do.

There are literally a million games you can play with a ball, and every single activity can be made into a competition.

Boys love to eat and drink lots of lemonade and Gatorade.

A plain old Oscar Mayer wiener is really delicious once in awhile.  They are best boiled and then served on squishy buns with ketchup, cheese and pickles.

Miss Bit is the most delightful and helpful sous chef I could ever wish for.  Today she peeled and chopped all the carrots for chicken pastina soup.  She mashed bananas and mixed the muffins from beginning to end.  She happily mixed a huge pitcher of lemonade and then served the boys with a smile.  She set the patio table for lunch and helped clear after.

When it's 70 degrees you can simmer stock and make chicken pastina soup.  And since 70's during the day usually mean 60's at night, soup will taste and feel quite good.

Some of the best conversations happen when we are dicing and stirring side by side.  Today she asked me who taught me to cook.  I credit a few wonderful women and a man or two in my family with sharing their secrets and passions too.  Almost all of them are passed on.  She wistfully said, "I wish humans never had to die."  I knew she was feeling the loss of the missed opportunity to cook beside Rosie, Aunt Helen and Nanny, and to connect with them.

I miss them all too.  Viscerally.

It is always a good idea to keep a secret stash of frozen cookie dough ready to pop in the oven.  It is completely the way to woo 12 year old boys.  Well...really boys of any age.  Girls too.  I overheard T. Bone's friend, who is a welcome regular at our house, telling the other boys, "Mrs. W. makes the best desserts.  You have to have her marshmallow pie.  It is like the best!  THE best!"  I never get tired of baking when I know it is appreciated and most importantly...enjoyed.

My kids have some of the nicest friends.  Good kids.  No...great kids.  And not just because they compliment my cooking.

If you aren't going to eat at the dining room table, it's perfectly OK to leave the game of Monopoly for later in the day or week.

If you have other things to do, it's OK to ignore the dust bunnies and unfolded laundry.

Dirty dishes are never OK.

Stock the garage fridge with popsicles and then don't keep tabs on them.

Listening to music instead of the television is more inspiring and uplifting.

It's great to have a plan and even better to know and very much accept that the plan can and will change.

Always.  A-L-W-A-Y-S make time for exercise.  Today I squeezed in my 4 miler between drop offs and pick ups.  It wasn't when I planned and I almost relented because of that, but I know myself.  I am a happier, healthier person in every way when I get my sweat on.

I can shower and get out the door looking somewhat respectable in 20 minutes.

Ask for and graciously accept help.  They are called friends for a reason.

Wildflowers are often the prettiest.  Weeds can be beautiful too.

I find joy in seeing my kids happy.  Pure.  True.

The things that make them the happiest are really quite simple and ordinary.

There is something to learn from everyone we encounter every day.  Those we encounter are blessings or lessons.  It really is that simple.

If the little voice in your head is telling you something...it means something.  Listen.

I love where I live and I love my life.

I am blessed.