Today's Truths

I'm sitting here on my computer when I have like 1000 other things that need doing.

I'm still in my jammies and a wool, winter hat that I wore to take Miss Bit to school.

I forced myself to make a bowl of Cream of Wheat for breakfast despite the fact that the only thing on my mind is acorn squash just the way I made it Sunday night: baked with butter, brown sugar and maple syrup. Oh well, there's always lunch.

I finally hit publish on the half finished posts in my cue.

Then I sent an email to my friend explaining that I may not be able to make the event she invited me to on Friday because I have plans on Thursday and Saturday and I'm not sure I'm in the state of mind to do 3 days in a row. Not sure when I was last in that frame to be honest. It was hard to put that out there in the raw, but good to be true and straight.

Next I may break down and order the cozy shawl I've been dreaming of since I saw it in a catalog weeks ago. In my mind, if it's still on my mind after double digit days, I must have it. Now do I go for the gray or stick with black?

I really just want to stay in all day drinking coffee and then tea and then wine reading catalogs, and then magazines and then my novel.

I feel like this rainy day is making me crave comfort.

November is a close second to my favorite month of the year...October. What I love about our eleventh month is her focus on gratitude. I try and remember that for which I am grateful each and everyday, but I find myself gushing with thanks more than usual during these 30 days.

Then I think of the seasonal/holiday projects I want to do and I feel overwhelmed that there is laundry in the dryer (always) waiting to be folded and put away, closets to be purged, photos to be edited, journals to be written, errands to be run and dinner to be made adding anything else seems percarious at best.

It's making me realize that I really want the rest of this year to be free of stress and shoulds. I want it to be about joy and happiness with family and friends. I want our souls to be filled and our spirits to be soaring...light and lifted, not laden down and overloaded.

The truth is that there is so much living to do in the moment.

On My Mind Monday

As she bent over the child, she realized that the tragedy of death had to do entirely with what was left unfulfilled. She was ashamed that such a simple insight should have eluded her all these years. Make something beautiful of your life.

Abraham Verghese

Cutting For Stone

2 day pass

we're really getting spoiled by these 3 and 4 day weekends.
an extra day to play makes all the difference...and play we certainly did.
friday we hiked along the banks of a gorge just north of us on a stellarly sunny day.
we made our way down through the gully to our favorite sandy, stony shore.
the kiddos did plenty of off trailing and scaling...scaling the surrounding bluffs that is.
later i spent the night in the company of a friend i hadn't seen in far too long.
we caught up over cocktails and fried pickles and then stayed up way too late dreaming and scheming.
she left me with sage advice about relationships and career, clarity with regard to potential home renovations and healing, essential oils.
despite the fact that i was tired saturday, i was energized.
good thing too because i had a houseful of kids for the day and the night.
hubby was cheering on our best college team with other alumni and friends on campus.
i headed with my brood to do the same at a neighbor's where 2 hours turned into too many.
the kids played football and ghost in the graveyard and hide n' seek.
there was fun and drama and injury...all in a day.
aunt jess joined us for the entertainment.
we came home after dark for pizza delivery and scrabble.
a thin crust veggie with sausage never tasted so good and a word game was never so challenging.
the entire houseful was ever so grateful for an extra hour as we fell back overnight.
that bonus 60 minutes allowed me to make a banana bread for breakfast before sunday school.
the rest of the day was a blur of birthday parties, play dates, errands, laundry and leaves so that when we settled in for sunday dinner at the end of it, we were famished and exhausted.
and not long after, calling it a day... calling it a weekend.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

The way Miss Bit says her favorite show that she has seen 2 1/2 times total is Modern Fam. And also the way she readily admits that she doesn't usually get much of the humor.

guitar club. This week 50 middle schoolers gathered to jam. They played Coldplay and Zepplin.

flexibility with my schedule at work.

a new Rosie'ism: it's their journey...not mine. We have a date tonight so I'm expecting to have more.

T. Bone opting to watch a movie (Evan Almighty) with the girls last night instead of playing video games.

A family hike today. Hubby was able to swing the day off to spend with us too.

A great conference with Miss Bit's teacher this morning. She had only positive things to say and excellent progress to report.

new yoga pants eventhough i don't do yoga.

I started my holiday shopping.

Sundown On The Shore

Tonight after swim class, I suggested to Miss Bit that we stop home, quick dry her hair, bundle up a bit and take a walk on the beach in the light of the half moon. She immediately smiled bright and excitedly agreed. As we meandered on down the bluff hand in hand, she was absolutely beside herself that we were the only two people with such a crazy good idea. She was smitten with the thought that we skipped supper in favor of a stroll through the sand. The changing twilight kept our eyes turned skyward. We were awed by the dance performed gracefully by dark and light. There was a line of cottony clouds the color of dirty snow that converged with the clear indigo expanse. The sight was almost startling, and then my girl saw the faintest rainbow where the two met and she squeeled with delight. I saw it too and smiled.

Miss Bit ran right to the water's edge. She waded in wearing her new Bogs beyond giddy that her feet were still dry. I trailed her, closed my eyes and listened to the rhythm of the waves break on the shore. I never tire of that cadence. The November wind made me feel awakened, alive and a little redolent. I used to walk the few blocks from my home to sit at the water's edge on nights just like this often alone, but not always. In fact, nights like tonight were among my favorite: raw, piercing, penetrating.

We trudged up the path and along the way we spotted stars as they started shimmering in the sky. The last of day turned to the first of night and we were there to witness the beautiful transformation. It was really a gift to be present.

We have a date to return to the same spot at the same time for the next full moon.

On My Mind Monday

Last night after I tucked a very tired Miss Bit in bed, she came downstairs to find me with big tears streaming from her eyes. As she wrapped her arms around me, she shared a big fear in a small and shaky voice. She didn't confess to me that she was scared of ghosts, haunted houses or the pitch black dark on the night before Halloween. There were no noises, shadows or spooky dreams to explain. No, what was scaring and saddening my girl was the thought of when I die someday. That's just heavy for a 7 year old. It's been weighing on my already leaden mind ever since.

Heavy because I know what it feels like to be without your Mom. Let me tell you...I don't wish it on a single soul, lest of all my daughter. Halloween is hard for me these days as much as I love it. I miss my Mom who would travel door to door with us in her feather boa, festive jack o' hat and bright smiling eyes. I think she may have liked it more than the kids. She always popped for the over-priced costumes complete with all the accessories, she cleaned up after us while we carved, and then often fed us a warm dinner.

It's just lonely without her even when I find myself in the best of company...even when I'm not alone. And the pictures of my kids together on the beach taken this weekend remind me that they are not alone. That someday when their elders have gone on, they will still be blessed to have one another, and as their mother, I pray they always know it.

2 Day Pass

the weekend was a fine flurry of fun and activity.
it was tiring being off for 4 days, but also so so good.
we played and hiked and cooked and cheered in no particular order.
the kids had sleepovers here and there.
friday we strapped on our skates and had fun gliding around the rink.
t. bone was fast, miss bit fearless and aunt jess fancy.
i was having fun.
after a couple hours, we all worked up an appetite so we stopped for the city's best burgers.
just ask t. bone...it's his new favorite.
then we headed to the audubon to soak in the sun of the beautiful late autumn afternoon.
it was either that or naps.
we hid and sought our way around the grassland loop, which we were lucky to have all to ourselves.
later the boys headed to basketball practice followed by a pumpkin carving party.
the girls stayed home to keep cozy and catch up on our chat.
saturday both kids had friends over for the whole day and they played so well i didn't even know i had 2 let alone 4.
hubby made a mean tenderloin chili and i baked some pumpkin bars to share with more friends who joined us in the night for food and football.
halloween was the word of the day sunday.
after his last (early, cold, losing) football game of the season during which he was the talk of the team, t. bone made plans to trick or treat with much of his mates.
they went as football players.
original...and free.
miss bit rocked the rock star.
we made our way around the neighborhood in the rain with our neighbors and aunt jess whose presence miss bit specifically requested.
it was disappointing how many houses don't participate.
i hope i'm never that crabby and ill-spirited.
i didn't feel any remorse when i urged my girl to empty an unattended bowl of all the take 5's...just sayin' (and there were only 4 remaining) .
the kids traded candy, the girls carved more pumpkins, and we all warmed up with fajitas that simmered all day in the crock pot.
i'm tired just recapping all the hoopla here.
happy mischief night.
we're too pooped to play pranks around here (lucky for all my anti-halloween neighbors).