Operation Free Fuzzy Wuzzy

The kids had the sunny afternoon off and since I figured Fuzzy had about all the playing, petting and cuddling a caterpillar can handle, I suggested we take a trip to the Audubon to set him free. Miss Bit's eyes immediately welled up and over at the mere suggestion and she worried aloud, "Won't Fuzzy Wuzzy miss me? I'm just gonna miss him so much? But I don't want him to get hit by a car!"

After much conversation, coddling and a little coercion, Miss Bit came to the conclusion that Fuzzy was best off in the forest with other caterpillars and far away from the freeway, but she kept reminding us that she sure didn't have to like it. We found the perfect spot for him, she kissed him adieu and then she burst into big, fat tears. From what I could decipher she moaned something like, "Oh! My heart hurts so so so bad. Even though I only had...what's his name? Fuzzy what? Oh, yea Fuzzy Wuzzy for like 1 day, I miss him so so so much!" T. Bone and I shared sly side ways glances...like really? Yea, really. Don't worry...drama lessons start in January. This girl is destined for the stage. I was just relieved that she wasn't wishing death on herself the way she was a couple weeks ago when she had a case of the throw ups. My girl: big, bursting heart...weak tolerance for pain both physical and emotional. (And I wouldn't have it any other way.)

Well, Fuzzy was rather eager to inch along to find his friends and family and get far far away from my girl's grips. That caused her even more turmoil to the tune of, "I know he's better off in the forest with his friends, but I'll never see him again and I just wanted to keep him forever!" I suggested we circle the pond and stop back to check on him. She shot that down lickedy split, "Oh no, I don't want to say 'goodbye' again cuz' that'll hurt even more!"

OK then...we headed off to get far away from Mystery Pond and the memory of Fuzzy. We explored the trails and enjoyed the beautiful day. Miss Bit was dragging her sad feet a little so she was the caboose. Every once in awhile she'd let out a wail behind us, we'd comfort her and then trek on.

They tackled "THE BIG BLUFF." He was an incredibly sweet and patient big brother helping her down the whole way and offering words of encouragement, promising protection. "Don't worry Lil Bit, T. Bone will catch you if you fall." And he did. I love when he refers to himself in the third person...it's so parental.

I bunkered down on a bed of leaves while I listened to their teamwork and gazed at the dreamy sky.

They were both peacock proud when they finally made it to the bottom. I heard her shout, "I did it! T. Bone says I'm a demigod!" Then he chimed in, "And I'm THE God of climbing cuz' I helped a 6 year old get up and down a 90 degree hill!" Fuzzy was mostly forgotten by the exciting attainment of this feat.

I suggested we round the Grassland Loop because I tend to see deer on this path most frequently. Not 20 steps in and we literally crossed paths with a couple does. It is such a blessing when my kids see that I am, indeed, omniscient. The group of turkey and lone snake we encountered were bonuses as was the fact that most everyone was posing for pictures today. T. Bone was proud to capture this close-up of a deer.

The afternoon was declared, "fun," and "awesome," and "tiring" too!

We all were called to attention just in time. There were 4 deer in a clearing on our way out of the preserve.

I love afternoons off, spending time with my amazing kids out in nature, how they love the outdoors, animals (even caterpillars) and each other.

Team Spirit = School Spirit

LOVE IS

love is finding a caterpillar when i was miles into my walk today, and carrying it the 15,000 steps home all for my girl. the whole way i was smiling just thinking how happy she's gonna be when she gets her hands on this little fuzzy guy.

if you must know

The heat kicked on overnight. I was so snug in my bed that I didn't think to get up so it was a little bit of a Chinese fire drill in our hurried house this morning. I scrambled the eggs while T. Bone helped Miss Bit with her math homework. The homework we just sorta forgot to do last night. He practiced his book share one last time and still had a few minutes to play with the cats. They were at school with minutes to spare.

Today was wear red day for school spirit week. The only red Miss Bit has hanging in her closet are Christmas dresses so she opted to wear blue and green and sparkles and she couldn't have been any happier. At six, she already has such strong opinions about clothing. We spar in the mornings over everything from head to toe...that is to say from headbands to socks. It's exhausting, and let me just state for the record that I give her a whole lotta leeway. This morning I heard myself going where I vowed to never go: "When I was a little girl, I didn't have a whole closet full of clothes. I didn't have choices like you. I had to wear the same things over and over whether I liked them or not because that's what I had," and on and on and on. For the rest of the week, I'll get my way, and then the whole cycle will start anew next week. And also just for the record, I can still hear my Mom saying things like that to me when I was a little girl, and it makes me smile. I know I'm not doing any permanent damage is what I'm trying to say. I realize there's a rather fine line between ladeling with guilt and instilling appreciation, and I'm willing to walk it because I think too many children have a sense of entitlement. Realize there's also a tenuous realtionship between empowerment and entitlement.

And speaking of my Mom...ever since I pulled up a random website and heard Chuck Mangione's Feels So Good the other day, I have this heaviness in my heart. I cannot explain it because I think it's such a happy song...so full of joy. I sat at my desk listening to it and sobbing for the five or so minutes it played and my whole life flashed before my eyes. I was paralyzed by the fast-paced cerebral slide show of my 41 years of living. The song reminds me of my childhood, but it's my Dad who was the Mangione fan. I guess hearing the song made me feel like a little girl again. A little girl who needs and wants her Mom.

Don't even get me started on The Time Traveler's Wife. We watched it last night and I was utterly captivated by it all, of course, to the point of contained crying jags. My hubby knew though. He always knows when I'm stiffling my tears and sniffles. Stories of love and loss affect me deeply and especially when I'm feeling particularly exposed. I'm adding Niffennegger's novel to my must read list. I think it's about #500. One can dream.

I'm off for some fresh air. It's a gray cloudy, cool morning. The perfect day for walking through my thoughts.

True Confessions

Apparently, I was worried about Miss Bit for nothing this morning. She just whispered a little secret in my ear. "I have a boyfriend," she coyly shared. He told her he likes her. She told him she likes him. And I guess she told me because she has a friend!

Aha!

I've already had a few of these moments today and it's not even 9:00 in the morning yet.

Today T. Bone had to be at school a little early because the 4th graders have an exciting, all day field trip. Truthfully, I don't think my boy was anticipating the destination as much as the break from the normal Tuesday routine, or the peanut butter cups he packed in his bag lunch. Miss Bit and I headed over to the playground to pass the time before school. At first, the two of us were all alone on the playground. She warmed up and dried off the equipment while I cheered her on with one hand on my steaming mug of coffee and the other tucked all snug in my pocket. My first realization today was...dang it's cold! It felt like November...it is almost November (aha!).

Kids started arriving, and once the buses unloaded the playground was loud and packed. I sat on a bench and I watched my girl go back and forth and forth and back across every set of monkey bars despite the fact that her little hands felt like icicles. She came to me for a snuggle every once in awhile and I was happy to warm her up. Then she was off again only to tackle the bars two by two. I finally asked her if she saw any of her friends in the frenetic sea of pink (today is favorite color day). She spotted one. At my urging she finally initiated a 'hello,' but before long she was back at the monkey bars solo. It was then that it dawned on me (aha!) just why my girl's hands are covered in callouses: she spends every moment at recess alone on the monkey bars, and there are three recesses every day. The reality of changing schools has taken it's toll, yet I still believe it is the best thing hence the right thing for our family.

She came to me just before the bell was about to ring to confess with a quivering lip that she didn't want me to leave...that my leaving sometimes made her feel sad. Then she asked with a worried voice, "Mom, who will I live with when you die?" I understood in that moment just how much anxiety and fear this kind of rock my world change has presented to my children. I told my girl that by the time Mommy and Daddy go to heaven, she'll have a family of her own like I knew it to be a God-given truth. I suggested that she'll be a Mommy and have her own children with such confidence that you'd have thought I'd been gazing in a crystal ball. She smiled and seemed relieved. No one really wants to be alone. Not on the playground. Not in life.

The bell rang. She came in for one last hug and ran excitedly to get in line. I walked across the playground a quiet observer this morning. I saw many mom's I know waiting in line with their children. It made me think: I wanted to walk Miss Bit into school today...heck I wanted to walk her straight to the car and take her home, but she didn't need me to do that. She's the one who ran to line up with her class with a smile on her face. She didn't look back while I strained to see her for as long as I could, which was no small feat given the sea of pink swallowing the playground. Here's the thing: we need to give our children the security that comes from having deep roots, but we also need to give them the freedom that comes from having wings. Yes, it's really as simple as roots and wings, and they both take precious time to grow.

On My Mind Monday

Well, it's a marvelous night for a Moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And I'm trying to please to the calling
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low
And all the night's magic seems to whisper and hush
And all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush.

Van Morrison, Moondance