Bluebirds

I purchased tickets for Mollie Morningstar the minute Jess expressed an interest.  I tucked them away and thought little about them other than the fact that it was a tad funny the date was April Fools. And also I hoped Jess wouldn't change her mind or lose her nerve.

As the evening approached, I felt rather ambivalent.  I knew it would be entertaining, but I didn't expect my mom to come through.  I cannot say why.  Perhaps, because it was a larger group or maybe I wanted Jess to hear from Danny more than I needed to hear from Kath.

I haven't felt her near for awhile, yet that night I put on her diamond earrings, the k necklace - the last gift she gave me when she knew she was dying - and the shamrock scarf she wore when she passed.  Armed with these talismen, I dare say I was hopeful.

We stopped for a drink before heading to the theater and as Jess pulled pictures, letters, cards and Parker's collar from her purse, I noticed she was wearing her engagement ring.  She even had a picture of my mom with Teddy and Lily, and that right there sums up why I heart her.

We took our seats in the crowd of about 75 and soon after Mollie took the stage.  She spent the first 40 minutes talking about her gift and what would happen.  I was getting anxious because every minute spent talking about what would happen was one less minute of happening.  She connected with 10 spirits, and I believe my mom was one of them, but I held back and someone else came forward.  I was holding out for one more piece of evidence, but the proof was in my limbs that tingled as I felt energy surge through me.  Mollie warned of  just this type of missed opportunity so I had only myself to blame.

The last visit of the night was a husband and father who committed suicide 3 weeks prior.  His widow and 19 year old son were in the audience.  They were sitting near us.  I noticed the young man fidgeting and in apparent distress as soon as we sat down.  I wondered what their story was.  As it was told, it felt too fresh and raw, yet they left smiling...lighter and brighter.

Jess and I digested the evening over pinots and pizza.  

The next morning I called a friend.  She was one of my mom's closest friends. I don't often talk to her over the weekend, but she had a rough week and I wanted to check in.  She was surprised to hear from me because she was just about to call me.  She wanted to tell me about a dream she had about my mom that was much more than a dream. Kath was just there giving her support, letting her know she's not alone.  And, of course, it wasn't a dream, but a dream visit and we both felt buoyed and tingly.

Later that day I took a wrong turn and I ended up on the hospital campus where my mom was treated. It seemed like a rather cruel joke.  All smug, I zipped through to where I knew there was a shortcut only it's a cul de sac now.  I came to a stop, said a few choice words and actually thought about driving through it and that's when a bluebird flew right in front of me and perched on a branch.  I felt my blood pressure deescalate as a wave of peace washed over me.  My mom always sends the bluebirds.

two day pass

friday was the last day of spring break.

teddy was in the dells with friends having a blast so i knew i wanted to do something fun with lily.

we hemmed and hawed over our options until we finally decided to rank them and compare notes.

#1 on both lists was an a-z photo scavenger hunt that we sorta invented as we went along.

along and around the north shore to many of our favorite places on such a picturesque day.

our first stop was at the lynden sculpture gardens: a for art work.

our last stop was at baskin robbins: i for ice cream.

we obviously didn't go in order.

once home, lily proudly arranged all 26 polaroids in an album.

i smile every time i page through it.

it was a really great day and a welcome reminder that some of the best memories are made close to home on ordinary days.

she was tired after all the fresh air, and ted was beat after 2 days at the water park so they were thankful for a quiet night.

i was looking forward to a date with jess and Mollie Morningstar.

we stopped off at transfer for a cocktail and an order of brushetta salami before arriving for the session.

although neither of us received readings, it was a good and soul stirring night.

on the way home, we stopped to decompress over wine and pizza.

as promised, we woke to snow saturday morning.

mike and the kids met up with his brother and kids at the audubon center.

i'm pretty sure this was the first saturday in forever that ted rose before noon.

i met jess again.

this time for an afternoon of shopping...a pastime about which neither one of us is especially enthusiastic, but she was on a mission.

i'm happy to report that she picked out and purchased beautiful new living room furniture.

mission complete.

i'm pretty sure that was the fastest few thousand she's ever spent.

saturday evening we celebrated family april birthdays and the final four at a chinese buffet and then my in law's.

by sunday the temps were on the rise so we opened windows and shed layers.

we hosted a birthday bbq for my brother at the end of the weekend.

the first burgers and dogs of the season were a delicious treat.

it was obviously quite a full weekend.

i usually crave a little more down time when i'm weekending, but the thing is...

i wouldn't have wanted to miss a single outing or occasion.

I'm Still Here

After my last post almost two weeks ago, I put down my pencil and put away my camera.  It happens every once in awhile: the urge to let go.  The desire to let the words and the images go without posterity or permanence. The thing is that writing and taking pictures is natural to me.  Clicking away and snapping away are rituals that define my every day.  Capturing a moment, sitting with it and making meaning on some level connects me to the world around me, my family, myself.  When I'm not telling stories, I feel a little off, anxious, unsettled.  It makes sense: this recent propensity to hole up, hunker down. This was a bit of a heavy week. The loads I carried, I'm not exactly ready to put down yet either. Truthfully, there are parcels I'm not sure belong here at all.  Time will tell.  When the urge to share starts to strike though, it usually means that I'm connecting the dots again.  It's a weighty often lengthy process of figuring things out, seeing them for what they are and then deciding how to live with or without them. Let's just say I had a hundred aha moments this week and now I'm exhausted.  That being said...it was a good stretch of days. The evidence is below. I did manage to sneak a few shots.  

1. Teddy on Easter morning.  He dressed for the occasion...pink, polka dots and seersucker.  He is as beautiful inside as he is handsome outside.  Lily attended church with Grandma Judy and then joined us at home with the rest of the family for brunch. While I failed to get a picture, she looked so pretty and springy.

2. We spent a fair amount of time creating this week.  It's so much better than getting sucked into the electronic world, and I love that she gets that even if I always have to provide the prompt.

3. I love to set my table early and then admire it for days.  Peanut and Tigger share my anticipation

4. The peach Bellini was our Easter cocktail.  I blended frozen peach slices with simple sugar, topped it with Prosecco and a sprig of fresh mint.

5. Came upon this hawk on a walk.  He was calling out to a mate and caught my attention. 'Tis the season.

6. I managed some kitchen creativity this week too.  These peppers are filled with Italian sausage, whole wheat orzo, san marzanos, shredded zucchini and pesto.  I baked them with a thick slab of fresh mozzarella on top and they were tasty.

7. Lily spent time with both sets of grandparents over spring break. She went to a horse show with one and to see River Dance with the other.  Lucky girl.

8. Easter brunch salad perfection: spring greens, toasted pecans, ripe pears and good blue cheese topped with a homemade vinaigrette.

9. There is one piece of this coconut cream cake left.  We almost never finish a cake in this house.  It's that good!

10. Lily ready for flight.

11. Ted and Jack also suited up.  

12. Escargot and Pinot Noir with a friend at one of my favorite restaurants in the middle of the day in the middle of the week.  All good.

13. Spent all day with Lily on Friday and we had such a great time making our own fun.  I think it's a day we'll both remember forever.

14. Lily airborne.

15-16 Ted too.  We took a day trip to the suburbs of Chicago for an exhilarating flight or two and lunch.

two day pass

we spent time at home this weekend nesting and enjoying being together.

i finished one book friday morning before work,

and started another friday after work.

i watched the final 2 episodes of season 2 of the affair.

one before lily and i went to a friend's for a mother/daughter dinner friday night,

and, sadly, the last when we got home.

mike and ted both went out with friends to watch the badgers win.
march madness has arrived and the badgers are alive.

i offered to bring a salad to dinner.
it's slim pickings come friday though.
i was inspired by skinnytaste's house salad made with love.
the combination of everyday salad staples in a new way made it feel company worthy.
it was imo.

saturday was a good day for spring sprucing and cleaning.
teddy even got up early (just before noon) thanks to the vacuum.
we set up our new mattress and washed loads of bedding.
i was inspired to make a nice dinner by the skinnytaste cookbook again.
and also to put more leftovers to use.

mike, lily and i all gave the reuben stuffed pork loin the thumbs up.
teddy was out eating wings and pizza with friends.
his loss.
can i tell you how cathartic it is to pound a piece of meat?

then the three (or more like five) of us snuggled in for a movie.

we watched everest and were thankful for our warm house.
warm blankets and cozy cats too.
just for the record, i have no shame that i want my kids to fear that mountain.
sunday started early with palm sunday mass.
the music was moving as was the passion.
mike and i had a chill coffee date while the kids had class.
we came home to find the cats doing what spoiled brats cats do.

i made french toast with the loaf of challah i scored for brunch.
then mike and i went for a long walk on the first day of spring.
the sky was a fierce shade of blue and the clouds looked like they were painted they were just so perfectly poofed and placed. 

ted (he who no longer smiles for pictures) did homework and lily (always a smile) and i dyed easter eggs.

we had fun with pipe cleaners and chalkboard paint.
dinner was served while it was still light out and before the badger game.
i made the salad (simple, but delicious), and the pesto pasta.
mike grilled the balsamic glazed chicken.
i swear there is nothing better than grilled chicken at this time of year.
on my life.

the badger last second victory was quite an ending to an all around great weekend.

the boys had other entertainment i'm afraid.

i've not been much of a blogger lately.
i cannot put my finger on it.
i don't think it's lack of inspiration as i'm busy with lots of good things.
things that make me happy...bring me joy...give me satisfaction.
i'm in a good place.

On My Mind Monday

WE LIVE

ON A BLUE PLANET

THAT CIRCLES AROUND

A BALL OF FIRE

NEXT TO A MOON

THAT MOVES THE SEA

...AND YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN MIRACLES? 

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Even though I'm not 100%, I gave 100%.  I'm still sick and a little down, but I didn't let it bring me down.  I took my vitamins (all of them almost every day), downed ridiculous amounts of water, ate mostly healthy and had a number of good work outs.  Although we eat relatively healthy (minimal processed or fast food, lots of fresh fruit and veggies, low fat protein and dairy), I had gotten away from reading labels and making the healthiest choices.  This happens over time because it takes work and a lot of time to be as conscious and committed as I want to be.  

That being said, we ate corned beef that Mike cooked in the pressure cooker and it was such a treat. It was St. Paddy's day after all.

My Irish heritage.

This preparation for cabbage.  Cut head into ribbons.  Mix with a little canola oil, a teaspoon of sugar and salt & pepper to taste.  Then cut 3-4 carrots into ribbons (I use my peeler) and marinate with cider vinegar and hot sauce.  Combine and roast at 425 degrees for 20-25 minutes until slightly charred.  It is the perfect bite of sweet, sour, salty and spicy.  Lily and I like it with sliced onion too, but the boys don't so I skipped it.

I didn't make soda bread this year.  Instead I made muffins with the overripe fruit: one batch of banana and another batch of blueberry.  These blueberry muffins aren't lookers, but they taste so good.  The secrets are almond flour, almond extract, plain Greek yogurt and, of course, fresh berries.

An afternoon at the salon.

Not one, but two new pairs of jeans I love.  

A new mattress.

A mid-week date night with Mike.

Longer days.

A walk down to the beach on a crazy windy day.  Lake Michigan was so many shades of blue and green it almost took my breath away.

More self-care this quiet weekend.

On My Mind Monday

The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those, who in time of moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.

These words based on an interpretation of Dante's Inferno were spoken by leaders like JFK and MLK. After watching the national news tonight, it's what I'm left with.  The past few days, I was off the grid.  Not surprising, it was politics as usual over the weekend.  And while I have plenty of political opinions and convictions, I don't expound on them here, but I do just want to say that there may be no more crucial time than the present to stand up for what it is we believe in.  One way to do this is to vote.  And before going to the polls, make sure you understand the issues on a level deeper than you will find in the mainstream media.  It's our duty and our right.