What It Takes

 

Monday Morning

I've been on a news diet and a social media break. I feel so helpless for the Ukranian people when I turn on the tv and scrolling through curated joy just seems tone deaf right now. I know joy and pain can coexist, but it's not always a comfortable union. And there you have it...I am ill at ease.

I don't want to be. The sun is shining and I'm off today. I have the whole day ahead of me to do as I need and want and that is a gift. The truth is, that if I tend to my little life, I  notice a slight shift from anxious to content. 

I already stripped our bed. I'm pretty sure I'll put the flannel back on because we are betwixt and between. I have a couple loaves of bread proofing on the counter. My plan is to bring Jess another care package after I complete some household tasks and take a long walk on this crisp almost spring day. I'll cue up The Tender Bar for today's miles. Sadly, I'm nearing the end of The Lincoln Highway, my nighttime companion, but I have a stack of contenders for next up.

This haunting quote made me think of the Ukranian people:

If I learned anything in the war, it's the point of utter abandonment - that moment at which you realize no one will be coming to your aid, not even your Maker - is the very moment in which you may discover the strength required to carry on. The Good Lord does not call you to your feet with hymns from the cherubim and Gabriel blowing his horn. He calls you to your feet by making you feel alone and forgotten. For only when you have seen that you are truly forsaken, will you embrace the fact that what happens next rests in your hands, and your hands alone. 

We leave for Madison early tomorrow morning for an admitted student day. Lils is excited because one of the chicas she's been messaging will be there too so they will be able to meet face to face. She's also jonesing for a tour of the Nich, the fabulous new gym paid for and named for my old boss. We'll meet up with Ted and walk up State Street for dinner, around the capitol for an apres dinner drink and back down to call it a night. I wouldn't mind checking out the dueling piano dive that Ted danced before the cheering crowd after his surprise engagement. (I finally got the story.)

We'll bring Ted home with us for the week. I'm not sure he's excited to spend spring break at Casa Wags, but the Florida trip I alluded to didn't work out. I'm blaming it on their incongruent breaks, but it's as much to do with my penchant for being close to home at present. We have a quick trip to Chicago planned to see apartments for summer and he will schmooze with his future employers. He also has Chicago style pizza on the brain. Sounds good to me. The trip will be short because I'm already in Chicago one day for work, Mike will be in Colorado most of the week and our Colorado cousins are coming on Friday.

If I train my eyes on what is right in front of me instead of on the horizon, I can breathe easier, smile more freely, and get and stay out of bed every day feeling some semblance of hope.

Today. HOPE - hold on pain ends.