Home

\'hom\

1. A dwelling place

2. A social unit

3. To the center or heart of something

4. Native land

5. Focus point

6. Heaven

St. Paddy's Day makes me wistful. It was one of my mom's favorite days of the year. She was proud of the Irish heritage bestowed upon her by her father, Mack McGurk. I never met him, but I feel like I know him because a little leprechaun told me that my mom got her smiling eyes from him. There is comfort in knowing they are together telling jokes and toasting with green beers.

I wore her shamrock scarf and carried my lucky charm with me all day. I felt like she heard me when I told her I missed her and cannot believe it's been eleven years. I know it's no coincidence that I pulled up her obit yesterday. She was with me. Reading it brought back the memory of writing it with her a couple weeks before her passing. It sounds macabre, but it was a comfort to us both and we laughed as much as we cried. I felt relief that I wouldn't have to write her goodbye in the throes of grief. It gave her a semblance of control. We both felt the repose of accepting what was happening. Surrender, although nothing about it was sweet.

I also made the connection between Teddy's business school application being due on this day... March 17th. I felt buoyed by clichés like luck of the Irish and third times a charm. I may have asked for divine intervention. For the love of God, this kid has gone way above and far beyond. His grades could not get any better. His professional and personal experiences are standout. It's competitive especially given his demographics. I read his essay before submition yesterday and I was impressed by the level of insight he portrayed. Things have always come relatively easy for my firstborn. This has not been easy and in this lies a valuable lesson...one of perseverance. Grit goes a long way.

He's thinking of coming home this weekend. I like to think he's missing us. I think it's his gym. Normalcy to be honest. I'm so grateful he can get on a bus and be home STAT. I was a frequent flier on the Badger Bus. I missed home as much as I loved my new life. So many of my friends were still there, my mom, my dog and the boy who broke my heart just before I was set to go.

I started feeling schmaltzy after we had a visit last weekend from a young man who lived at Casa Wags  before we did. We bought the house from his parents. He was showing the house across the street. He called his mom in Atlanta and told her he was outside. She urged him to knock on our door. We asked him in for a walk down memory lane. There have been countless times I've wanted to knock on the Idlewild house door and be invited in. I envied his mettle. He was all I had my graduation party in this room, I had the big room upstairs, is that bathroom still pink, I watched Falcons games with my dad in here. And then he told us that his dad passed in October. He passed from Covid. It wrenched my heart when he said with disbelief, I had two healthy parents in September. I know what that feels like. He thanked us and mused that the house has good karma. I couldn't agree more.