The Breakfast Club

Taken last week at Windmill Beach, which is a giant sand trap as far as Teddy is concerned.

I woke up this morning to the smell of bacon. The strong smell of almost burning bacon. Teddy was preparing his famous pancakes for the varsity golf team before sectionals today. I resisted the urge to get up and get involved. I left Teddy a note last night letting him know that if he needed my help, he should wake me up. He didn't wake me: frying pig fat did.

I strained to hear them, but I couldn't detect a voice or a clang or a sizzle. I tell you five guys have never made less noise. My plan was to come down in time to wish them all lots of luck and low scores, but I just missed them. They left a still standing house. The mostly clean kitchen was a bonus.

Usually they go out for breakfast before meets. It's their ritual, but this morning they were up before any establishment was open.  These breakfasts are something I'm pretty sure Teddy looks forward to almost as much as the 18 holes that follow. I always imagine them sitting in a booth next to a foursome of gray haired golfers who meet every week before they play 9. These old guys reminisce about birdies and eagles, and geez they've known each other since they were teens, and they used to shoot 70s too. 

This is going to be a tough contest for them today. It's a long shot that they'll make it to state, but it couldn't happen to a nicer group of guys if they do. Teddy was mentioned as a favorite to qualify individually. That would be wonderful, but even I've learned that golf is fickle and there are very few gimmes. If he plays well today, he'll advance. If not, he'll be at the course tonight working out kinks and fixing things. Either way...I'm proud.

I just hope he makes me his team-famous pancakes one day soon! I'll pass on the bacon.

On My Mind Monday

If you only say one prayer in a day, make it thank you.

~ Rumi

Thank you.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

The end of a busy week with a long weekend ahead. There's been something every night and that gets to be a little much for the introvert I am. 

I took the day off Wednesday to walk the course with Mike. Ted was playing in regionals. He took 7th and his team advanced to sectionals. He shot a 79 so it wasn't his best day, and yet he played consistently. It was a beautiful day and I enjoyed watching him in his element. He's such a guy. 

The birds. Last night a pair of hummingbirds flew by the kitchen windows in route for my strepto carpella and Lily's bleeding heart. I stopped what I was doing and stood still watching them. They make me think of my mom. I had a moment with her. On the golf course the other day, a sweet bluebird was following us along the fairway to the green. My mom sends the bluebirds. Teddy scored a birdie on that hole. I thanked her.

Lily played her last softball game of middle school yesterday. It was a tie against my alma mater. Today she's in Chicago for an impromptu field trip with her art teacher. She's so excited to be in the big city. She's comfortable on familiar fields and on strange streets.

Teddy was inducted into The National Business Honor Society this week.

He was accepted in NHS also, but was not able to attend the ceremony. He was up and out early this morning for their first meeting though.

Last week he made a difficult decision and the way he handled it proves that he is maturing. He's not going to play baseball this year. He's been playing baseball since he was 5. Sigh. He's going to focus on golf. Next year baseball will be a spring sport so he'll have to choose, and he's choosing now. Partially because the baseball coach is not understanding of the kids who need to finish out their spring sports. He rides them and cuts them no slack. Teddy went to talk with him before a scrimmage last Saturday to tell him face to face of his decision. It was Mike's idea, but Ted saw the merit in his advice and he took it. Of course, the coach didn't take his resignation. All of the sudden, he was willing to play nice and work with him as he finishes out his season with a potential state tournament run. I don't know what Ted will decide. Part of me hopes he'll join the team because he's a natural on that field as well, and I love watching him, but the bottom line is that it'll be his measured decision. 

Lily the Soc. Dressed up for an Outsiders debate.

My animal lover. She had a cat sitting job this week. We had a cat sitting job this week. I have to drive her and do the litter, but she does all the rest. We stay until they are played out and cuddled up.

Logging miles. Clearing my head. Opening my heart.

weekending in chicago

i kick-started the weekend with a brisk, swift walk along the river and through the woods friday morning.

it put me in a happy place for the rest of the day.

all winter i began each day curled up inside with a book.

now that the weather is changing, i'm beginning each day with a dose of fresh air and a sweat.

it was time for a change.

it's been a good change.

lily and i decided it was finally time for some foot attention.

after school, we went for the first pedicure of the season and now our toes are pretty and we are ready for flip flops.

i was up early saturday for a 24 hour girl's trip to chicago.

it felt good to get out of dodge for a little adventure.

we arrived in the windy city just in time to lunch at monteverde.

chef sarah grueneberg has established quite a gem in the west loop.

we started with proscuitto toast, which was as delicious as it was beautiful.

 the octopus spiedino was my favorite preparation of tentacles ever.

the egg yolk raviolo was delicious and decadent and perfect to share.

we had to leave room for the raspberry zeppole after all.

btw...i don't do donuts, but these were so perfectly light and airy that i was smitten.
i'm still dreaming about the zeppole.

we walked the streets of chicago taking in the sites before stopping at 2 twenty 2 for a happy hour drink.

then we cleaned up and made our way to the cadillac palace theatre to see rob lowe.

or rather to listen to rob lowe tell stories.

he's got some good ones after 50 years in the business.

my favorite was one of the last of the night and it involved a saxophone, david foster and bill clinton.

he's funny and personable and real. 
and he has a gaggle of middle aged groupies who carry on like tweens.
hmmm.

we walked about after the what rob called a ted talk, only less pretentious.

we checked out a club our friendly waiter recommended earlier.

we checked it out from the sidewalk.

we never went in.

the music was loud and not of any genre we were remotely familiar with.

jess and i agreed that we'd be okay with the rooftop bar at the hotel.

it was fun and chill and more our speed.

we ordered a bottle of wine and an almost midnight snack.
i was happily in bed with a book shortly after 12 o'clock.
bar closing days are over.

sunday we woke to a grey even colder day.

we braved it and walked to millennium park to take pictures of the bean and then we walked on to grant park.

rob lowe confessed that he loves this park and city and that the favorite movie of his career was about last night. 

our walking tour was cut a little short when it started to rain and then pour.

we sought shelter under a courtyard of trees and then we hailed a cab back to the hotel.

no biggie that we had 3 umbrellas back at the hotel.

on the way out of town, we made an impromptu stop at ginos east for chicago-style pizza.

when in chicago.

like jess did a u turn right on la salle.

impressive.

we enjoyed the delicious food and the vibe of the talented live entertainment.

i brought a pizza to go for my family for dinner...a 10 pound souvenir.

my souvenir: the memories made.
long live all the fun we had.

i was ready and happy to head home, but i'm looking forward to visiting again soon.
next time i'll visit with my other best girl.

On My Mind Monday

The city is a cathedral of possessions; it's scent dreams. Even those who have been rejected by it cannot leave.

James Salter

Light Years

Jess and I spent a full 24 hours in Chicago. We are simpatico travel companions. We both questioned why we don't travel to this curious city more often, yet we were both ready to leave after our short stay full of new tastes, experiences and ideas.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

This book is finally taking hold. It has not been easy to get into and I must get out of it by June 1st. I think I can I think I can I think I can.

PMA.

Lily's idea of happy hour. Mine too. We share a love of Kopps' Mint Chip custard. We did not share a spoon.

I think there's still some left.

We attended our last choir concert of middle school and probably forever. In fifth grade, the risers were full. Four years later, it's this small group of diehards that remains. I'm grateful that she remained committed to the magic that is making music.

Self-expression.

Another impressive week of golf for this guy. Here he is at Whistling Straits...The Irish Course. He shot a 44 on the front nine and then a 36 on the back nine. That 80 earned him fifth place and his team second. Mike took the day off to walk the course with him, and I think he had more fun than Teddy.

Passion.

Fields of gold. I've had a few great morning walks this week. I'm especially fond of the river trails where it's peaceful and pretty.

Roads less traveled.

Barbari bread. 

Trying, and mastering, new things.

My writing companion.

Simple salads. The basil is from the plant on my counter.

This decades old picture of me. My memory of this place is still fresh.

weekending

the weekend started out on the right foot.
candace came for happy hour and then jess came for chinese takeout.
we have just discovered the deliciousness that is singapore noodles.
i was up early saturday, but ted was the first one up and out.
he had a golf meet that he came home from with an amazing 70!
his low score gave him a natural high.
saturday morning i took lily shopping for an graduation dress.
she tried on 5 before finding the one.
it's perfect for the theme, which is color splash and looks lovely on her.
i was willing to continue the spree, but she had plans with girlfriends.
i decided to shop for ingredients in order to try some of the persian recipes i'm thinking of for my book club dinner.
it was a cool, rainy day so perfect for putzing in the kitchen.
it was only mike and i for dinner so it was perfect for trying strange new things.
strange and delicious new things.
we really enjoyed the yogurt and saffron soaked kebabs and the tomato and turmeric rice. 
hostiles, our movie selection, was lackluster.
sunday i was up early to prepare for a post-church breakfast we were hosting for my dad and my step-mom.
i kept it simple since it was impromptu and the real focus was on sharing mass and exchanging flowers.
the menu included teddy's favorite easy eggs benedict...too bad he was gone golfing.
(don't worry i said it was ok.)
i also made yogurt parfaits and a simple green salad.
my step-mom brought the pastries.
the highlight was looking through old family pictures.
mike went to see his mom early afternoon.
as much as i love my mother-in-law, i couldn't pry myself off the couch.
i put on terms of endearment and started to cry before the movie even got sad.
it's one of my favorites and, of course, it reminds me of my mom.
my mom and her mom actually.
i needed the pity party.
lily did not appreciate my choice.
my guy made ribs for family dinner at my request and the best part of the day was our time together.
my kids gave me a beautiful waterfall orchid and cards that made me cry all over again.
it was a good weekend, but i'm okay with the fact that it's over.

The Middle of the Night

I was up in the middle of the night last night. I didn't feel well. As I tried to get comfortable in bed and convince myself that I didn't have to throw up, I thought I heard birds chirping. Now it was nowhere even close to dawn so those tweets and caws got my attention. I peeled myself out of bed to go to the window where I confirmed I was hearing birds. Songbirds. I know all about the dawn chorus, but now I'm familiar with the dead of night chorus too. It's lonely and often unnerving to be the only one up in the middle of the night. I can work myself up about all sorts of things when the house is full of shadows and strange sounds. Last night I listened to the birdsong and was soon sung to sleep for a few more hours of sweet dreams. I didn't think about the boogey man or my bank account or my belly.

About the same time Sunday night I was woken from deep sleep with a startle. I was sure I heard a gun shot and that it was just across the street. Tigger, who was asleep beside me, jumped and I could feel his fur swell under my hand to twice his normal size in an effort to appear more intimidating. Mike woke too. He assured me it was just thunder, but it wasn't until another crack sounded that I felt assured. Assured despite the fact that this boom was even louder and closer. I felt such relief that my kids were tucked in safe and sound down the hall of our dry house. That I know where they are and what they are doing is an easement. It's not that long ago such a nighttime disturbance would lead to a parade of tears and fears. Instead, Monday morning we all carried on about the intensity of the line that we listened to from our own beds. Turns out we all were awake in the middle of the night.

Mother's Day

This is the very first picture of me with both my babies. Proud big brother is meeting hours old baby sister for the first time and I am one happy mama. That smile says, "If this is a dream, don't wake me."

I still feel that way at least 10 times a day. The love I have for my children is a living, breathing stream that flows through me continuously. The abundant joy they bring me is how I know that I'm doing a fine job. 

There are times I get on my case about doing more and better, but then I look at them...what beautiful people they are...and I know that even though I'm flawed, I've passed on the parts of me I'm most proud of.

The words they wrote to and about me in the cards they made me today...well, they tell me that they see the best parts of me and that is the only gift I'll ever want or need.

Some mothers wait their whole lives to hear the things they told me, but I'm grateful I don't have to. I'm also grateful that I told my mom the things I needed to when I did. You never know when it's simply going to be too late.

I had a good day. Mostly happy, but a little sad. Bittersweet. It's the way I'm wired and it's my legacy too. My history. My story.

Blue

Every spring my mom hung baskets of sweet bluebells on her porch. The sometimes periwinkle and other times violet blooms looked perfect with her blue and white bungalow. When I moved into my own quaint bungalow, she would deliver a couple baskets to me every Mother's Day. Yes, before I was even a mom. They popped against the pale yellow and lannon stone facade and they flowered all summer long. They were happiness in a basket.

The spring after my mom passed I visited her nursery to see about getting some bluebells myself. This tradition was one of many I felt more than compelled to continue, but the clerk had no clue what I was talking about. I scoured the perimeter of the place never to find what I was looking for. It felt like another death. I burst into tears. I had angry words with you know who about enough and fairness and breaking points.

I made phone calls, I searched every other nursery in the area, I prayed. That spring I had to go without my bluebells. It was a lesson I was becoming familiar with. I heard my mom many times in that confusing season of rebirth. She said, "It is what it is." That was her line.

Fast forward a year, maybe two. I'm at this massive nursery in the middle of nowhere. To this day I'm not sure in what town despite the fact that I've made my way there every year since. I just get in my car and head in that direction and will my way to Groths. It seems I never take the same way twice, but I always find my way. I find my way there because they have my bluebells. Only they're not exactly called bluebells. They're called strepto carpella and that explains a whole heck of a lot, but, of course, they'll forever be bluebells to me.

Last year I was too late. I waited too long and all the bluebells were hanging on other homes. I was under the false impression they grew them just for me. I've never seen them in any other yard or garden ever. I was sort of devastated. I left with nothing except sadness.

That was not happening to me this year. I've been thinking about my bluebells, worrying about them,  and talking about them. My guy heard me. He drove out to Groths after a long day at work to pick up three and bring them home to me for Mother's Day, and it was just about the nicest thing he could have done. Except, then last night he brought my babies into the garage to protect them from the cold and I fell in love with him all over again.

I'm missing my mom something fierce this year. I'm pretty sure the many happy milestones we're celebrating remind me so poignantly of my loss. In the excitement of taking prom pictures of my handsome 6 foot something son or shopping for an 8th grade graduation dress with my long-haired, leggy daughter, I feel this quiet sorrow. It's there too when I watch my son at the altar receive the gift of the holy spirit knowing that so much of this faith journey started with her receiving her last rites. It's present when we move forward further from lives she was a part of...lives she loved being a part of. That's the thing: no event or occasion was too small or insignificant for her to miss. She wanted to be there for all of them. They all mattered. And as much as I miss her as my mother, I miss her a million times more as their nanny.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Meeting a good friend for happy hour last night and staying until long after dark catching up on our lives, and the fact that we could have closed the place and not run out of things to talk about.

As I'm writing this Peanut is curled up at the foot of Lily's bed. Tigger's in my bed, but the other night when I went to turn off a sleeping Teddy's light and computer, he was curled up next to Ted. This is not usual. The cats love the kids, but they don't often venture into their rooms for long. This sort of tickles Lily.

I just texted this picture to her at school.

Lily presented her graduation speech to me and I was impressed by her delivery and her message. She compared middle school to a game and her classmates to teammates. Her message was that this game is over, but there are new games and challenges in the purview. She urges her classmates to get up off the sidelines, make new teams and strive to win. She's a brave, kind, wise one that girl of mine.

Lily on the mound. I love cheering on team pony tail. It was not a win, but a close, competitive game.

 Nice form.

Strike!

Both Ted's AP exams went well. Chemistry is known to be nearly impossible, but he thinks he passed. Psychology was also challenging, but less so. Junior year is winding down. High school is winding down.

Sheet Pan Spanish Chicken. It's a one pan dinner with so many flavors.

This Carbonara Pie cooks in a single spring-form pan, but I had to use three pans to make it. It was a fun experiment, but I think I'll just stick with traditional carbonara when we have the taste for Parmesan and pancetta.

 That salad dressing is our family favorite: Dijon, balsamic, EVOO and S&P all to taste. Minced garlic if you like.

A little crunchy and dry. The kids didn't love the broccoli incorporated within.

Churros cake, and the fact that when Teddy's friend heard I made one, he suggested he might like a slice. I sent him home with 2 huge pieces. Compliment my cooking and it's yours.

It makes up in taste for what it lacks in appearance. It's almost gone too.

I found saffron at Costco this week. Reading Lolita in Tehran inspired me to read Lolita and also to learn more about Iranian cooking, which inspired me to buy some saffron. Reading Lolita in Tehran is our June book club selection. I'm hosting and I'm planning to serve a Persian dinner. This weekend I'm going to try my hand at Barbari and Lavash breads.

Oh, the things this will inspire!

I finally finished listening to The Woman in the Window. I'm sorry I cannot give it more than a 2. It was not very well written or compelling. It was predictable and far too long for the climax. I started The Great Alone this week. This I'm going to devour.

I picked up the cutest pair of pants the other day. A Mother's Day gift to myself and I think I'll wear them on Mother's Day. A cute new pair of cheaters too. They are black frames with bamboo arms, and I think they look good with my blond hair.

They look good on Lily too.

The way he let's her hold him like a baby.

Their love is special.

Kitty paws.

Cuteness overload!

A really great day in Madison with my guys. It was emotional too on many levels and for many reasons, but suffice it to say that I am grateful for them all.

If this hill could talk.

Sunsets.

Endings and beginnings.