Phoenix

Some like to say up with the birds.  I'm editing that expression to be up with the cats.  This morning Tigger was bound and determined to wake me at 5:40 a.m.  It's Saturday and yet he succeeded.  Do you know how light it is before 6:00 in the morning even on a grey day?  I do now.

All week I have had to resist the overwhelming pull to stay prone in corpse position all day in my bed.  Then today when I actually have the choice, I choose otherwise.  Here I am.  This is no profound truth, but it gives me reason to pause...to reflect.  Tell me I have to do this, to be that and I resist.  Give me autonomy, and suddenly I feel more flexible, more willing to do or be.  I realize I'm not much evolved from my toddler self the more I think about it.

The truth is that I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me in the last 24 hours.  I was holding so much in, hurting, stewing and by simply sharing my burden with Coach, I feel such relief and the start of healing...the return of hope.  Sometimes I forget we're a team.  A good one at that.  I tend to think I have to carry the load alone.  That's just ridiculous because he'd carry the lion share every time, and I know that.

And the load...it hasn't changed.  Not really.  Not much.  It's just my lessened ability to cope has darkened my mood and made the world seem like too much.  No one event or encounter is the sole cause of my gloomy, overwhelmed outlook...it's many small, ordinary things.  And it is true what they say: what you do every day, matters so much more than what you do once in awhile. I'm a big believer in divine dailiness.  In the extraordinary ordinary.  When the things that usually ground me make me feel burdened, I quickly become untethered.

Despite the fact that I'm more pessimist than Pollyanna, I go to bed every night believing that the next day is a new beginning...a fresh start...an invitation to be better than the person I was the day before.  The realist I am knows that it doesn't always happen that way, but this morning I woke up ready to take the bull by the horns again.  Life is not always easy, but there is good in every day.  Today I'm recommitting to recognizing that good.