The Lonely Road

The lonely road is often synonymous with the high road, but I'd really rather be lonely than in bad company. Cryptic? I know. I'm sorry. I have been disappointed by many people in my world lately. Stunned, snubbed, hurt, chawed, neglected, stepped on, stepped over. I've mostly kept my complaints to myself because I've been trying to rise above them. I've been trying to not let them get the better or best of me. I've even been wondering if it's not just me. But after a period of heady self-reflection and much careful contemplation, I am ready to condemn others and pardon myself. I can exonerate myself because here I am the judge and the jury. The end.

Well, not really...there's more. I was proud of myself last night because a situation played out at the ball park just the way I anticipated, and I did not react. No, it wasn't just a matter of turning the other cheek and keeping composure because it didn't even bother me. I laughed inside, said fine by me and moved on. I'm not going to dwell on the fact that this acquaintance looked me dead in the face and did not greet me. I waved, she looked straight through me and Miss Bit. I get it that she can see that I have had my hair done since the last time I sat in her chair so she now knows she has lost a customer, but I'm also pretty sure she knows why. It's because she's a manipulative, nasty mean girl and I'm not interested in being part of her posse. Look, I avoided cliques in high school so I'm not about to get caught up in them now. What brought me sick satisfaction was seeing the exact behavior that repulses me about her so stark and severe. It was all the confirmation I needed to take a seat on the other end of the stands far away from her. It felt like freedom. I'm in utter bliss that I won't have to hang out with her and her entourage every week during Miss Bit's game.

Here's the thing...I'm as innocent as I can be whilst knowing that it always takes two. It's always shades of gray. Should I have been direct and told her that she was fired and why? Perhaps, but it just seems, well...mean. Could I have played nice and made excuses to soften the blow? Sure, but she would have reacted the same way if not worse and I would just be playing into her games. I'm not at all interested. Am I over-reacting about what could just have been oversight on her part? No, I'm telling you this woman is the primo puppeteer and I've had her number for such a long time. As far as I'm concerned, it's her loss not mine.

Our paths will continue to pass and I'll go on being friendly, albeit somewhat more guarded as well. That's who I am...that's what I do, and no guile-filled Gepetto is going to change that.

And just for the record...I wasn't lonely. I stand by what my Mom always said: "If you can count your good friends on one hand, then you are lucky." Lucky to have a few true fristers than too many friends to count.