Woa!

I should have known when I woke up before the crack arse of dawn due to a disturbing dream that karma was not my kin today. It was a dream so fresh and real and tangible about my Mom that I wasn't sure what realm I was really in. She wasn't herself and yet she was. She was bright eyed and beautiful and healthy, but not her happy self. She was consumed with anger, and all too eager too unleash it. On one hand I was grateful, because truth be told I'd take my Mom in any state. Yet on the other hand, I was a little unsure...that subtle voice in my head whispering be careful what you wish for ma'am. My subconscious caught up with my psyche in no time, because it became painfully clear that we were just reliving an all too familiar, unwelcome course only this time with 20/20 vision. Knowing the tragedy unfolding makes it all the more painful. I despise those dreams.
I could barely get out of bed and yet I couldn't wait to get out of the house...away...diverted...distracted. I wasn't a mile from home when I saw the mutilated doe on the side of the road. It looked just like the doe I've seen numerous times in our yard this fall...most recently yesterday morning. She was always with an older doe, a wounded deer...is it possible that she, the younger, healthier of the two, was the one lying dead on the side of the road? Is life that tenuous? Are we all walking such a fine, fragile, unforgiving line?
Just when I started to shake off the mood my night's dreams left behind, I was captivated by a link on my MSN page...Proof of an After Life: Not soothing for Those Left Behind. I couldn't do it at first...go there, that is, but just when I decided to go for it and open the link...my computer froze, not once or twice, but numerous times. I never could open the link and it left me unsettled. I never could open it, and perhaps that was divine intervention. I spend so much energy worrying about what will become of my energy when I am no longer that I'm not so sure it's healthy.
Here's the thing...I wanted to write tonight about Halloween and trick or treat and the upcoming holidays and the way my son was IMing with his cousins tonight and the way my girl bravely offered to get her flu shot before her older brother...ordinary life. But today I just cannot shake this feeling that there is just not anything at all ordinary about this day...this life.

What a weird day. There's really no other word for it except just plain oddly strange and unnervingly uncanny = weird.