It's rainy and cold here today. Really it's the perfect day for journaling, but there are at least a million other things I should be doing. Note that doesn't stop me. I have yet to turn off weekend mode, you see, and it is weighing upon me. That heavy weight has nothing to do with too much bbq (and more beef than I usually consume in an entire month), copious amounts of cocktails served up with conversation, staying up late playing Wii Rock Band and Name That Tune, and then sleeping in and straight through church and exercise class (I did still manage to pray and to play some kickball).
Sounds great...right? And it was, but I need me some structure in my life after 5 days and 5 nights of bacchanal. It's Wednesday people...and we are on the heels of yet another weekend! Not to mention...summer vacation is only 3 weeks away, which means that I must turn into Julie McCoy in a mere 21 days! Calgon take me away! Now I am really dating myself ! Oh...and all this fun has literally made me sick, but rest assured...I don't think it's Swine Flu!
My "to do" lists are growing, not shrinking. Every day I'm adding tasks when I should be crossing them off. Logically, I know that these things will wait...the flowers will be planted when I buy them, engagement gifts sent when I get to the post office, birthday books done before their next birthdays. The rational me rationalizes this, but the emotional me gets worked up and stressed out.
Yesterday I put the growing pile of our photos into albums. I had 3 albums worth in waiting. That works out to 900 pictures, or 18 months of milestones and memories. It was an emotionally charged few hours during which I spent plenty of time laughing and much time crying too. My whole world changed in that year and a half and seeing it unfold visually was raw and unforgiving. I literally bore witness to our hope turning to fear and our joy turning to heartbreak. Always present, never wavering, was our love for one another, and our incredible strength.
This is important because it made me realize why this fun, family filled weekend has me feeling slightly out of sorts. It is because I am used to being the Energizer Bunny, and for once in a very long time my batteries wore out. The good news is that they are rechargeable, but it's not as easy as plugging the charger into the wall. No, I have to plug into my life. I have to give myself permission to have fun, to feel joy, to have hope and to lean on my loved ones because this life...it is anything, but linear. The good things that we put out into the universe, come back to us 100 fold!
Sounds great...right? And it was, but I need me some structure in my life after 5 days and 5 nights of bacchanal. It's Wednesday people...and we are on the heels of yet another weekend! Not to mention...summer vacation is only 3 weeks away, which means that I must turn into Julie McCoy in a mere 21 days! Calgon take me away! Now I am really dating myself ! Oh...and all this fun has literally made me sick, but rest assured...I don't think it's Swine Flu!
My "to do" lists are growing, not shrinking. Every day I'm adding tasks when I should be crossing them off. Logically, I know that these things will wait...the flowers will be planted when I buy them, engagement gifts sent when I get to the post office, birthday books done before their next birthdays. The rational me rationalizes this, but the emotional me gets worked up and stressed out.
Yesterday I put the growing pile of our photos into albums. I had 3 albums worth in waiting. That works out to 900 pictures, or 18 months of milestones and memories. It was an emotionally charged few hours during which I spent plenty of time laughing and much time crying too. My whole world changed in that year and a half and seeing it unfold visually was raw and unforgiving. I literally bore witness to our hope turning to fear and our joy turning to heartbreak. Always present, never wavering, was our love for one another, and our incredible strength.
This is important because it made me realize why this fun, family filled weekend has me feeling slightly out of sorts. It is because I am used to being the Energizer Bunny, and for once in a very long time my batteries wore out. The good news is that they are rechargeable, but it's not as easy as plugging the charger into the wall. No, I have to plug into my life. I have to give myself permission to have fun, to feel joy, to have hope and to lean on my loved ones because this life...it is anything, but linear. The good things that we put out into the universe, come back to us 100 fold!
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