weekending

the weekend started early.

we set off for madison to take teddy on his first college visit.

my mood was a little foul like the weather.

it was a gray, rainy day so I wasn’t looking forward to traipsing around campus.

i left the umbrella at home because we departed in such a hurry...

it's the wegehaupt way.

mike, our resident weatherman, assured me that we wouldn’t need it, but on the way the rain seemed heavier and the skies darker.

i wasn't convinced.

while the guys parked the car, i found a shop in union south that sold umbrellas.

i bought two.

i was about to buy a rain jacket when they caught up with me.

again, mike expressed his complete confidence in a beautiful day.

i passed on the pullover and returned one of the umbrellas.

ye have some faith.

we gathered for a large-group presentation in a theater.
the kids all looked so young...too young...and a little overwhelmed.
i wanted to hug them all and tell them everything would be ok.

i was prepared like a boy scout with a pad of paper and a pen.

i wrote exactly one sentence before my pen crapped out.

sometimes we prepare and still fail.

it turns out there wasn’t much to write down and when we left the union some 20 minutes later, it was a sunny, glorious day in madtown.

we were the only ones dressed for the weather.

my guy didn't let me forget it all day.

the tour took us in a loop around campus including grainger hall where ted will spend lots of time if he chooses madison.

about 6 miles around, up and then down bascom hill. 
i don't miss that trek, but i have missed the view.

  

 it was the last day of spring semester so the campus was charged with excitement and anticipation.

nothing quite compares to madison on a beautiful friday afternoon.

mike and i resisted the strong urge to spend too much time reminiscing, but we did show up in bucky gear.

ted even let us buy him a t shirt.

i think the tour went well.

i think teddy could see himself fitting in there quite seamlessly.

after a housing tour, we meandered back on the lake shore path to state street.

we thought we’d find a fun place for some lunch.

it was 3 o'clock and we were hot and hungry.

ted vetoed state street brats, tried to suggest pot belly and then we gave up and agreed to try a breakfast all day joint almost to the capitol.
it was forgettable, but the day was not.

turns out ted was anxious to come home and catch up with his friends for a round of golf and wing stop wings post match.

it was 3 o'clock and there was still plenty of time to golf.
dah!

it’s what’s on his mind these days and nights.

we didn’t take it personally though because we know his passion.

and we were dog tired too.
emotionally exhausted.

in fact, i was in bed early, woke long enough to pick lil up from a friend’s and then went straight back to bed.

that meant i was up extra early saturday morning just the way i like it.

mike too.

we felt refreshed and decided to invite some friends over spontaneously for cinco de mayo.

ted and a couple of his golf buddies joined us after a day on the course as well.

we planned a simple menu and had a great night talking a blue streak, laughing until crying and singing old songs.
we never left the kitchen and before we knew it, it was dark and late and time for siesta.

mike’s fajitas were a hit, my salsa was a favorite and the churros cupcakes were good and gone.

i learned that subbing beef stock for the water in a pot of pinto beans makes them sort of special.

i also learned that juicing your own limes is a nice touch for margaritas so long as you remember to make the simple syrup.

sunday i was up early again and out weeding the garden soon after coffee.

everything is coming up and filling in and every year it sort of amazes me.
it also amazes me how very much satisfaction i get from pulling weeds from the ground.

teddy had another golf date or two, and lily and mike had softball practice.

i cleaned up for a date with the ladies to see a gentleman’s guide to love and murder.

the performance started off slow, then picked up midway through the first act, and by the end, i had a big smile on my face.
i obviously enjoyed it.

post show festivities took place at jackson blue ribbon, a crowd favorite.

only we had the place to ourselves and that was nice.

i was a real lady ordering wings, which i washed down with chilled chardonnay.

a real happy lady.

after a little one on one time with my aunt, i came home sunday night happy and tired, but eager to get things ready for the busy week ahead.

i put together a banana bread to bake for monday morning breakfast.

ted had two ap exams that day and i like to feed him well especially on test days.

never mind that the half hour early I rose wasn’t enough time for the monster loaf to cook.

i put some chicken in the over to bake for lil’s daily lunch salad.

then i drifted off and it cooked to hockey puck perfection.

i tell myself it’s all about intentions.

best intentions.

it's really all that matters.
the end.

Now and Then

I went for an early morning walk yesterday. I took the river trail. I usually avoid it when I'm alone, but something was pulling me closer to the banks. Since spring is slow to arrive in these parts, the branches are still bare. The sight lines give me some measure of security when I'm alone in the woods. I forged ahead on familiar paths listening to my book, but I kept finding myself distracted by the longing ohr ohr ohr of the morning dove, or the blue jay's angry jeer, or the chip cheer of the cardinal as I moved deeper into their territory. I was noticing things. That's not always my modus operandi. Many days - many more than I prefer - I barrel through my busy life the taskmaster with tunnel vision, but not yesterday. Yesterday, I was present.

It was a smell that stopped me dead in my tracks. A familiar smell that brought a memory back to life. And then memories. I was deluged by a flood of intense emotion. The kind that builds endlessly and then rolls over everything in an instant. It's akin to your life flashing before your eyes in that telltale moment only instead of images, it's sensations. Feelings not facts. Samskaras waiting for just the right stimuli to rise up and out ebbing and flowing like waves. At first it was faint, a trace, but unmistakable. I silenced my book to get a stronger whiff. It was a fecund scent. Loamy and lush. It was fertile earth and bursting buds and metallic river water. It was what was to come, but also all that had ever been, and it sent me back to my childhood along the banks of this very same river. I remember it as the smell of spring mornings. That first nostril-chilling trace of the world as you open the door to the new day. It's a commonplace smell that stirs some things deep within me. So deep I cannot get to them, and yet, I know they are there. They will always be there. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

March, 1974. Just such an early spring morning. Humboldt Avenue, our compound on the river. My brother and me with a random cat. A cat that Mrs. K. would surely catch and relocate if she caught sight of it. She was a birder. Cats eat birds. It was one of those days you bundle up in the morning and then shed layers as the day gathers steam. I distinctly remember the smell from that morning over forty years ago. It's a smell that made me feel quite a discernible way. A feeling I now know as wistfulness. It's the smell of growth and decay: some things are rotting and some things are maturing. A smell that hints of longer days, raspberry bushes bursting with fruit, dirty feet and bare arms. A smell that suggests soft breezes through open windows, Big Wheel races down a driveway that seems never ending to my 6 year old self, and walks through the gardens fragrant with irises and snap dragons and roses down to the river. The smell...it's called Promise.

But the little girl in this picture already knows that promises aren't forever or even for better. She has her first pang of nostalgia as she grasps that winter is ending and spring is coming and then it will be summer. It's the first time she thinks of her August birthday not with excitement over where the party will be, but rather with a sense of sadness that she'll be taking another turn around the sun. She doesn't know what it means to long or yearn, but she pines nonetheless. In a couple months, she'll cry herself to sleep after a candid conversation about death with her mother. Now it's not just childhood that's impermanent, but life itself. Soon she'll watch her dad disappear down the front walk a suitcase in each hand. Love can be elusive.  Some day she'll hold her mom's hand as she exhales for the last time grateful that she understood the promises of this life from such an early age.

We exchange vows and rings, we pinky swear, we cross our hearts, we put up collateral, we make pacts, we sign guarantees, we take oaths, but in the end, the only certain promise is that we are one day closer to death. Knowing this can and should inform the way we live.

Pay attention. Notice things. Stop and smell the roses, or breathe in the first spring air. Be.here.now. Fully. Only. Laugh, cry, hold hands. Forgive. Don't give up trying every day to be better than the person you were the day before. Promise me this.

weekending

the highlight of this weekend was celebrating teddy's confirmation.

we woke to a beautiful spring morning of bright skies and bird song.

it would have been the perfect day for golf, but ted knew better than to suggest that.

i want to believe that receiving this sacrament was important to him.

i believe that the true importance will reveal itself as he matures.

it sure wasn't lost on me as i sat through the two hour ceremony with kleenex in hand.

there were 64 celebrants from many different parishes and ethnic backgrounds.

the service was presided over by bishop schuerman and celebrated in spanish, akan and karen.

there was an evangelical edge to the service, which was a nice touch given the diversity of the church and the celebrants.

ho! hosanna!

after the ceremony, there were some apologies offered and accepted among at odds family members all crammed together in the same pew.

peace and forgiveness were things i prayed for during my time in church.

prayers answered: a beautiful thing.

the gift of the holy spirit: the best gift of all.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

This week is almost over. It was a stressful string of days despite the fact that the things that were amping things up could...can...all be very good things. Last night Mike and I talked about needing better stress management tools.

Time to read and write this weekend. I haven't read more than a rogue page here or there in a couple weeks. I miss it.

Teddy will be confirmed on Sunday by Bishop James Schuerman at Gesu Parish. I think it is going to be a special service for our family and especially my son.

He is a young man now. In this old picture I found this week, he's just a boy. It's one of my favorites of my two taken at Lake Winnipesaukee in the summer of 2007.

Lily had her first softball game this week. Second too. The Bayside Bulls won both games. She pitched and hit well.

Teddy took 5th in his golf match today with a 79. The team took 3rd. 

A fresh haircut. I caught sight of myself in the mirror this week, and I knew I had to get in to do something about it. It was worth every single minute and penny.

Homemade granola. I've been on a granola kick. Store bought just falls short and the good stuff sold at the bakery is so pricey so I decided to forage in my pantry. I made a delicious almond, coconut, dried cherry mixture - all my favorites - and it was perfect.

Kanzi apples. My new fave: crisp, sweet and juicy.

Moving pictures. Sun setting last Saturday while Mike and I were on our way out for a dinner date.

Happy hour with Candace this week, or more like happy hours.

Cat captures.

Time for a glass of wine.

On My Mind Monday

While on the outside a word is just a word, which falls to the ground and vanishes, a word can grow into something enormous on the inside, and it can stay there for years.

Karl Ove Knausgaard

Winter

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Lily didn't get my short gene. She measured in at 5' 5'' this week at her annual check up. I usually call her "cutie," but I just may start calling her "legs."

My new scarf. It's just the perfect weight. Every time I wear it, I get lots of compliments. Peanut will get even more I'm sure. The attention made me wonder if people think it's Burberry and that's what they comment on it. It's not. I got it at TJ Maxx.

It snowed Monday night. It was the most beautiful snowfall of the season. The kind that clings to branches and makes the trees appear star studded in the moonlight.

Their spots.

The way Peanut Quincy sees Lily off in the morning and then greets her when she returns. She's his person and it's just the sweetest bond ever.

Showy scenes from the road. Taken at a stop light, of course.

Happiness in a vase and the thoughtfulness of my husband for surprising me with this pretty, sunny bouquet.

He bought them for me because I did something scary this week. More on that later.

Growth and change and forward movement.

Another go around with Detriot-style pizza. We tweaked them a little. Mike had to fiddle with the dough and we decided to do one with sausage. We mostly used brick cheese, but also some mozzarella. I thought they were perfect. I think our guests enjoyed them too. The thing about this pizza is that it's best hot outta the oven. Part of the deliciousness is the crunchy outer crust and when it's reheated, it becomes a bit doughier. 

We've done good.

He done good too. 

I scrolled through all the pictures taken at the prom looking for one of T. Bone and his date. I only found this one of T. Bone and his golf team. I give you Nicolet HS Varsity Golf Team 2018. I sort of love this picture.

Lily done good too. We received an email from her science teacher this week just to tell us how much she loves having Lily in class. She went on about how she is a leader in class, inclusive and friendly to all her classmates, positive and hard working. My heart  swelled with pride. She too felt validated and appreciated.

Teddy will be inducted into the National Honor Society next month and he made the dean's list again. He's been on the dean's list every semester of his high school career.

weekending

it was first a dreadfully rainy and then a beautifully snowy prom weekend.

the end.

well, that's the short of it.

here's the long.

mike, lily and i ate popcorn for dinner friday night.

we went to see a quiet place on the big screen.

the concept was compelling, yet flawed, and we all felt the ending was rather cheap.

overall we were entertained and we talked about the movie all weekend so there's that.

saturday was ted's junior prom.

the nasty weather had little impact on the festivities.

well, except for the fact that we had to find an inside venue to take pictures.

ted looked like a million bucks.

i won't confess all the places my mind went when i first saw him in his tux.

his date was lovely and although i'm obviously biased, i thought they were a darling duo.

for the record...i've been informed that they're just friends.

we left them about to board a bus.

i wish i'd gotten a picture of the classy partridge family party bus.

not sure who was in charge of the transportation.

truthfully, i was just glad they weren't driving.

the dinner and dance was at the harley davidson museum.

the best part according to ted was dominating in black jack.

sounds about right.

he was most looking forward to reconnecting with all his buds for a sleepover and the promise of mrs. s's french toast for breakfast.

they were split up in different groups and went to different parties.

he came home to change and fell asleep.

i found him on the couch sunday morning.

i also found inches of snow...a world whitewashed.

i happily fulfilled his request for monkey bread.

it snowed all day long.

everything was cancelled...
baseball, softball, golf.
well, ted did spend some time at the simulator.

i stayed in my pjs all day long.

i spent most of the day in the kitchen baking bread, making soup and meatballs and a few other things.

it's my happy place on days just like this.

mike dusted off the grill in time to perfectly cook flank steak for sunday dinner.

it was still snowing when i went to bed in a clean pair of flannel pjs.
and although lily checked the weather all day long praying for a snow day monday, prayers were not answered.