2 day pass

i had a nice and quiet weekend.
one of the highlights of which was jess coming for wine and staying for pizza friday eve.
pizza from one of our favorite parlors with crust so thin and crisp.
and pies so large that there are/were leftovers to last the whole weekend.
time in the afternoon for a movie with coach was another joy moment.
silver lining playbook this time.
i loved loved loved it.
wonderfully cast and heartwarming on a gray saturday.
then i took miss bit and one of her besties ice skating while coach met up with some friends.
i ended up finishing argo beside the fire since a. needed to borrow my skates.
that ended up being fine by me as the girlies skated away for 3! yes 3 hours!
we got home just in time to greet t. bone as he was dropped off after a day of snowboarding with friends.
he came in the house, peeled off his gear and stated, i love nights like this. nights with nothing to do.
i whole heartedly shared his sentiment... we all cozied in under afghans and cats until bedtime.
sunday we arrived early for church.
that folks is a miracle.
i asked coach if we could go to our old sunday morning spot for breakfast sandwiches on ciabatta.
he was a go because he has his own standing order there: soup and a souffle.
then it was chores and chilling on a rainy day.
we i started on miss bit's valentines and i got a pot of stock asimmering on the stove.
the finale of the weekend was a delicious family dinner followed by another academy contender.
on the menu: pan seared t. bones with baby bellas, baked potatoes and caesar salads with homemade dressing and homemade croutons.
mmmm.
the feature film: life of pi.
hmmm.
now it's time to call it a night...a weekend.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

T. Bone for heading out to shovel without being asked Monday after school.

These words:  This, it seems to me, is the reason any writer undertakes the speculative work of memoir. Not so much to tell “what happened,” as to illuminate the slow, halting process by which we learn to make our peace with what is. And in that vulnerable revealing, in the stumbling, wayward truth of that story, lies something that is worth offering: not the gift of what we have accomplished but rather the gift of who we really are.  I'm anxious to read Katrina Kenison's latest memoir.

A new favorite treat: candy bar cookies...especially hot out of the oven with a glass of cold milk.  I made 2 batches this week.

Trees decorated with showy scarlet bodied cardinals.  Miss Bit likes the less vibrant female birds.  Thanks to her attention to detail and affinity for the underdog, I now find them just as purty as the boys.

My animal (and fish and bird and reptile) loving Miss Bit.  She truly loves all God's creations.  Her favorite at the zoo were the tree pythons.  One was a sky blue and the other a limey green. 

A third grade zoo trip. Three spider monkeys hugging, two elephants joyfully getting sprayed down by keepers, seven charges excited for a day of fresh air and freedom, and one just beyond bliss that her mama could be there to hold her hand.  The group declared me the best tour guide ever!  (Yes, M&Ms were exchanged.)

Measurable snowfall overnight.  The prettiest kind that leaves the branches looking like they've been painted and the whole landscape all shimmery and aglow.  At Casa Wags we are envious of the blizzard heading towards the east coast.

Joining Miss Bit in the yard to play in the winter wonderland.  We made a snowman and some snowbabies cute and small enough to fit in the palms of our hands. 

After dinner at Dad's salon.  He didn't balk when I suggested he paint her nails while I do the dishes.  Real men wear pink, cry and paint little nails pretty in purple with precision.

On Demand.

Carpools.

Winter skies: soulful and heavy.

Lent starts next week.  I am very ready to make some sacrifices.

Knowing that the truth may first sting, burn and shock, and also knowing that accepting it will set me free. 

Perspective

Clearly yesterday was a difficult day.  As I confessed, I'm struggling with a relationship I hold dear.  It's making me question many things.  This is uncomfortable, raw and messy.  But I only cried once yesterday.  I lost it at work.  I lost it because my friend was barraged with bad news after bad news over the weekend.  She learned of numerous people in need of prayers.  Numerous people in critical situations.  I was overwhelmed by how selfish I have been wallowing in my self pity.  My suffering is not life or death.

This realization shifted my focus to say the least, but not as much as the letter Miss Bit handed me after dinner.  She passed me a note to tell me that she needed to talk to me about something that was bothering her.  She had my full attention.  We sat together at the kitchen table and had a heart to heart.  Something is really on her mind.  Has been for months.  It's serious, especially to her, and private so I must respect her wishes to keep confidence.  I listened.  I consoled.  I reasoned and now I must ask for help.  I need help because I just don't know how to make things better for her.  She agreed that I can talk to someone...a professional.  Seeing her pained  is my very worst torture.

After our talk, she felt better.  Relieved.  She sang in the shower and even told me how happy she was.  She laughed and smiled all the way to bed.  I know I'd feel the same way if only I could talk to my mom right now.  And in that moment I realized exactly where my energy has got to be squarely focused. Suddenly my own sorrows seem self-indulgent and silly.      

On My Mind Monday

What is on my mind is something that has weighed heavily on me all weekend.  It's the kind of stuff that makes me feel fragile, and because it doesn't exclusively involve me, I have to be vague and a bit elusive when expressing here.  So why write about it at all?  I want to write here to remind myself that what I am going through with the changes in this relationship is very similar to the stages of grief.  And that makes sense because I am mourning the loss of the relationship we once had.  I vacillate between anger, guilt, sadness and acceptance.  I was feeling empowered recently because I was taking responsibility for my feelings and needs...finally admitting that they are the only ones I have any control over.  I was speaking up and setting boundaries that have never been in play before.  And then this weekend my bubble burst when I felt so pained by what little hope I feel that this will ever improve.  I realized I still had hope.  I still care.  So I'm low.  Bluer than blue.  I don't know if I'll do anything about this.  I don't know what I would do.  So my mind and heart are heavy as I wade through this muck and mire.  I'm working on the reconciliation of my feelings with the facts as I know them so that I can let go of this burden one way or another.  I want to move forward  with peace in my heart that I am doing what's best for my family.  

2 day pass

with t. bone away, it was a miss bit choice weekend.
her requests: easy to fulfill.
we enjoyed a lazy saturday morning watching a movie.
she helped me in the kitchen and was the official taste tester for my new candy bar cookie recipe.
it is a fan favorite.
we visited a favorite pet store in the afternoon.
they have mostly animals i would never want as pets, but not my girl.
she is  dreaming of and scheming for a bearded dragon.
this smallness is as cute as the get too for they grow about 3 times this size.

she decided we would have dinner at the same restaurant we dined at last february when she was also an only child.
she remembered the chicken tenders and i think having mom and dad all to herself too.
sunday there was finally a trip to the ice rink much to her happy delight.
we ended the weekend with a small gathering for the big game.
the menu: wings, dogs, dips and soups for the superbowl.

this morning was a shock to all of our systems.
but the snow covered streets are forcing a slow start.

In Good Hands

This is the earliest I've been up on a Saturday in as long as I can remember.  Earlier in fact than my work day  regimen.  I've forgotten how much I appreciate witnessing the transformation of night to day.  It is a religious act to notice the first blush of light unfold in a sky still slightly shimmering with stars.  It amazes me how subtle the shift is from twilight to dawn to sunrise and yet how startling the difference between night and day.  If you blink you could almost miss it, but there's no mistaking the birth of a brand new day.

It snowed  some overnight...not much, but we'll take what we can get.   The encroaching morning light revealed a world whitewashed.  T. Bone couldn't have been happier.  He woke up and the first words out of his mouth contained a greeting to the mountain  big hill he will meet today.  Soon after I left a quadrant of my heart in a van filled with boys and gear bound for a weekend of skiing and snowboarding..

I exchanged a few necessities with the mom now in charge most important among them : a hug.  Our embrace was her palpable reassurance from one mama to another that he's in good hands, which I don't doubt...his, her's, His..   I say goodbye to him every day as I send him forth into the world.  Usually, I don't think much about it.  It's just what I do. Then every once in awhile, it strikes me how independent he's becoming...become..and the truth is I just get a little verklempt.  Verklempt because believe me I've been watching, yet I still cannot explain how this has happened.

The only alternative to getting in their jam packed van was getting in my own and driving away.  Before I did T. Bone yelled, I love you Mom!  My heart swelled.  While he's not stingy with these words, they're not often pronounced in front of an audience of peers.

On the way home, I said a little prayer asking that my son be protected and come home safe to me.  It was then that I noticed the aurora of a new day.  It was just like the hug.  His reassurance...from papa to mama... that T. Bone's in good hands.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Movie night tonight...pizza and popcorn.

  We have The Outsiders in cue.  I forgot all about the rumble between the socs and the greasers until reading Rob Lowe's book.  Actually, I forgot all about the fact that he was even in the movie until reading his book.

I read this piece from NY Magazine recently and then requested Wurtzel's Prozac Nation from the library.  I'd always meant to read it.  I also have Argo, which I plan to read simultaneously with the dark memoir.  I think that the somberness of Wurtzel's journey will be balanced by the triumph of the hostages.

The elliptical.  It really is the perfect workout, and I am especially loving it on cold and snowy days.

When we drove by the ice rink this morning, they were flooding it again.  That makes my Bit very very happy.  After 60 degree temps this week it was a puddle.  Today it's only 4 so hopefully we'll get to use it this weekend.

I followed through on my lofty dinner menu this week.  The kids were not at all fans of the glaze on Deb Perelman's meatloaf meatballs, and preferred my regular mashed potatoes to the brown butter, but the over 40 crowd enjoyed the new twist on old favorites.  The chicken milanese was a family favorite.  There are so many ways you can go with a deliciously plain piece of chicken so it basically is a blank slate.  I never made the soup, but I did make the white pizza.  We ate it, but all agreed that the crust making will be left to Coach from here on out.  The bourbon glazed tenderloin was easy and delicious.  I think this was Miss Bit's favorite as she chose it again on leftover night.  T. Bone opted for more of the chicken.  We'll be eating like kings and queens throughout the weekend thanks to all of the time spent in the kitchen last week.

Peanut Picasso.

He gets his inspiration from the colors in the yard.

Finding a container of oatmeal chocolate chunk cookie dough I stashed away in the freezer for a snowy day.  Voila...homemade cookies hot out of the oven for after school snack.

Homemade marshmallows.  I finally mixed up a batch.  I was reticent after almost losing my mixer to fondant not so long ago, but they were easy.  They taste good too and also make a cup of cocoa extra decadent.

Hot cocoa weather.  The spring rain turned to snow.  We didn't get much accumulation, but that didn't stop the kids from building snowboard ramps in the side yard.  T. Bone is currently engineering his own rail park online and also in his head.  He plans to have it constructed by next winter.  A boy's gotta have dreams right?  

New gear.  T. Bone is all set for a ski trip with friends this weekend.  He's looking forward to a couple days on the slopes.

Perches.

We finished Where The Red Fern Grows and have started a new read along.  Miss Bit chose A Little Princess.  It's new for the both of us.  There are some unfamiliar words so we devised a little system.  Whenever she hears a word she doesn't understand, she touches my arm and I define or offer synonyms to make the text clear.  That way she doesn't feel like she's interrupting and the flow of the story isn't compromised.

Finding the perfect gift for my frister this week.  Now I cannot wait to give it to her.

Remembering Cosmic Charlie today.  It's his birthday.  He was the best dog ever...a gift from my Mom for my college graduation!  I'm happy they are together now, but oh how I miss them both  Happy Birthday Chaz!.  Cosmic Charlie how do you do?

A little Superbowl soiree planned for Sunday. I don't much care for this game, have slight interest in the commercials, but rally to any occasion for friends and family to get together for a little fun and food.