2 day pass

it's true we ushered in december this weekend.
it's also true that it felt more like almost summer than almost winter.
we turned off the furnace, fired up the grill and once again found our flip flops.
we took a long walk along the lake shedding layers as we clocked miles.
even if the lights hadn't shorted out on the bushes out front last night, it would have felt ridiculous to turn them on.
we had a nice visit with my uncle who is pretty much housebound now.
he lives in the house my dad and his siblings grew up in.
the same house i grew up in too on many weekends, vacations and almost every sunday for family dinner.
i stood surveying the small kitchen sort of amazed that so many of us gathered comfortably around the table at its center.
it seemed so huge when i was a child.
that's the thing about childhood innocence...the world looks epic and you believe life is eternal.
everything about being there makes me hyper sensitive to time's passing.
it sort of haunted me the rest of the weekend.
i wasn't good company so it was a good thing the rest of the fam had other plans.
miss bit had a sleepover at grandma and grandpa's.
she only called home twice before bed because she missed us so much.
she's been on an overnight hiatus that she decided must continue.
i concur for the sake of the hosts.
t.  bone hung out with a friend and played in two basketball games.
then he sprained his ankle in the last few minutes of the second game.
now he's hobbling around.
coach had dates with a couple football teams.
we celebrated the start of advent during sunday night dinner.
while we enjoyed our chicken hot off the grill and the warm breeze from the open patio door, i had to remind myself that the countdown is on .
soon we will celebrate the birth of jesus.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

The way this girl got excited to get a little decked out to go see Doc the Halls last night.  It's been awhile since I've seen her in anything aside from yoga pants and hoodies.

All the performers delivered.  Doc Severinsin showed up in a glittery red suit and was impressive on his French horn.  His guest, Vanessa Thomas, sang a couple solos that were show stopping.  The symphony, especially the handbell ensemble, was delightful, and the chorus such a treat.  T. Bone's choir teacher is in the chorus and so it was fun for him to be in her audience for a change.  I especially was moved by the performances of Gesu' Bambino and the Hallelujah Chorus.

An impromptu night out for dinner Monday.  It's a hard night to say yes, but it's hard to say no to Aunt Jess, and in hindsight, I'm very thankful I didn't.  We had sushi, which I don't eat often, but I'm enjoying it more and more.  Especially the spicy salmon.  Mmmm...like butter.  Beyond being wined and dined, it was worth it to meet one of her friends who was visiting from Texas.  As I drove home, I felt the chi.

I was bit by the decorating bug this week, but only after the clean and purge bug left.  I spent Tuesday and Wednesday  
sorting, tossing, scrubbing and scouring.  I have to say it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!!!

Christmas lights.  I prefer white.

I finished trimming the tree in my dining room.  I put all my Mom's ornaments on it.  It's emotional for me.    The tree...it's a beaut just like her, and I get such a jolt of happiness every time it catches my eye in all it's radiant, glistening glory.

I picked up tickets for the Nutcracker today and made reserves for Breakfast with the big guy the day before.  I always feel buoyed up by the traditions that define December for me.  The experiences bring me the purest joy.

I decided to skip sending cards, cut my holiday baking in half and pare down the shopping considerably.  I am listening to my limits and honoring my needs, and I'm not the least bit sorry for it.

This morning I did it.  I switched to all Christmas music all the time.  For the first time of the season I listened to The Holly and The Ivy.  It's one of my favorites especially sung by Natalie Cole.  I cried, but not because I was sad.  I cried because I was awed.  That's how I feel every time I listen to that carol.  OK many carols. Do you have a carol that you never tire of?  I'd love it if you would share.  Please.

Aunt Jess is on her way with some wine.  It's Friday and the whole weekend is before me...us.

Advent starts this weekend.  Welcome December.  I believe that I am now finally ready for you.

Happy Merry Weekend one and all.

What Life Looks Like This Week

I wrote a lot last week...here, there..yes, everywhere.  I wrote so much that I have few words this week.  Such is the ebb and flow of it all.  I used to find the quiet times unnerving.  Usually, this is no longer the case.  I have faith that I will find them.  I trust that the words will make their way to the surface when they are good and ready to be expressed. 

So in lieu of words, this is what life looks like this week... 

As you can see, I'm not feeling like much of a photographer either.

2 day pass

it was a quiet weekend by desire and design.
all the black friday frenzy felt wrong.
november is our self proclaimed and anointed month of gratitude.
it just felt traitorous to give thanks for what i have one minute and then go acquire more the next.
especially since when i think of thankful testimonials, i think of family and friends first.
my tributes are not with regard to things shiny and new, but rather the tried and true.
so i resisted the pull toward carnivorous consumerism and stayed out of all stores.
i didn't leave my house at all on saturday truth be told.
i enjoyed spending the morning with a friend in town for the holiday.
we have this standing saturday tradition...bagels and bacon.
and coffee.
we talk the kids play.
we chatted about everything and nothing until all the sudden it was time for their lunch date.
before they were out of the driveway the kids had afternoon plans.
coach had a date with the badger game.
i made turkey stock...for what i don't know.
then i caught up a little on my photo albums before settling in with a new library book that i finished before the weekend's end.
we four finally reconvened at 8:00 p.m. and ordered chinese takeout for dinner.
on the menu...kung pao, hunan, singapore and a christmas movie.
sunday i was up bright and early eager to get back into my novel.
coach worked his magic on a loaf of challah.
voila...french toast fit for a king.
the kids once again spent their afternoons with friends.
coach and i went for a walk on the sunny afternoon.
my brother, sil and some piping hot pizzas arrived as day turned to night.
we gathered aroung the t.v. to cheer on our team.
they didn't win, but i feel like i did.
i feel that way because i gave myself what i needed this weekend: reverant peace, holy quiet and meaningful connection.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

A very Happy Thanksgiving and these two for graciously hosting a fine gathering.

They cooked a meal that was so worth every single calorie.  Without a doubt the show stopper was this bird.  My dad brined it and then used copious amounts of butter to ensure it was juicy and moist and flavorful.  Mmmmm!

Leftovers.

The annual picture which reveals that T. Bone is, in fact, officially taller than I am now!

My two.  So stinkin' cute and sweet and mine!

That they could have been a Brook's Brothers ad.  Bodi would be posing for L.L. Bean, however.

Long distance connections.  I was able to talk to four of my cousins in other states (GA and CO) and my Uncle in another zip code yesterday.  

Prince and the Pea.  Miss Bit corralled  Peanut atop two bean bags and inside a tent under an afghan and he just grins and bares it.  It is, after all, attention and this little chicolito loves him some amor.

Sadly Joe left us this week.  I say three years is a good long life for a Beta fish, yet I worried about how Miss Bit would take his passing.  There were tears and this sweet note.  She opted to flush him, said prayers to the porcelain God and sent him on his way back to the sea.  Candy cane ice cream and the promise of sleeping in Mom and Dad's room abated most of the sadness.

This girl is ready for the sun and the cold.  No, we did not purchase these rather enormous ear muffs.

T. Bone got into character (Wilbur Wright) for his wax museum this week.  He didn't want to, and then he rocked it.  

Playing chicken with these toms this week.  They ran and ran just trying to get away from me. All I wanted was a picture.  I was glad that I was alone at the preserve because I felt like I was harassing them and it looked like I was hunting them for our Thanksgiving dinner..

Time to travel on all the trails at the Audubon this week.  

PS22 singing Home in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.  My kids were guffawing that I was balling...happy sad tears...heart filled up weepies.

An annual tradition.  Bagels and bacon with my college roomie and her family the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  I love that we carve this time out of our busy weekends to reconnect this time each year.  I cannot wait to see her.  It's never enough time, but I gratefully take what I can get, and I don't throw a fit.

Coach made me my favorite breakfast Thanksgiving morn, and he served it in his handsome cap.  Then we headed out for a fast paced few miles in shorts!  It was sublime.

Camel's eyes it be.  Most people call them bullseyes or eggs in a hole, but my Grandma Rose always called them camel's eyes and that is exactly what they are in Casa Wags to this day.

I had to work today.  I didn't want to after all the festivities yester..day and night, but it was copacetic.  Coach took the kids to a movie and they brought home their leftover popcorn.  Then I left early, bought a tree for my dining room, steered clear of black Friday shopping (sickening) and made cheese danish and spinach quiche for tomorrow.  

It dropped 30 degrees today and there were flurries on my way to work.  I don't know why, but today that felt like a warm blanket.

Good night...I'm going to watch Charlie Brown.

Happy Thanksgiving Day

Tigger started to insist that I stir at 5:00 this morning.  It was still dark out.  I finally gave in to his efforts at 7:00.  His efforts include uncovering me, standing on my bladder and pawing at my face.  Yet I'm still thankful for he and his brother our unconditionally loving dog cats.

Miss Bit was up before me.  I'm here with my second cup of coffee and she's there next to me turning naked Barbies into exquisite fashion plates in her sketch portfolio.  She just told me that she most wants a bearded dragon for Christmas.  I'm thankful that she wasn't too disappointed when I told her that Santa is under strict orders from parents not to bring pets.  I love animals, but I don't do reptiles.

I just put out kibble for the critter buffet. Miss Bit is watching the rodent antics and just chimed in, "this is way better than t.v."  I'm thankful that it is another beautiful day.  It's already in the 50s and will be perfect for a long walk before the festivities commence this afternoon.  My contributions to today's meal are complete.  My pumpkin bars are made, the wine chilling, Turkey Trot and Harvest Blend coffee ground, cheese platter ready to be assembled and Mom's zucchini casserole is waiting to bake. I'm thankful my dad and step-mom love to cook this meal and share it with us.  I love to cook, but not this meal.

I'm thankful that Coach just got up and is making breakfast: a cheesy bagel for her and camel's eyes for the rest of us.  We'll save most of our calories for what I have heard is typically a 2500 calorie meal.

I'm thankful that I am filled with gratitude today.

Today I Choose Joy

I woke up this morning feeling a tad out of sorts.  It's the day before one of my favorite of the year so I couldn't exactly explain it, and I certainly couldn't tolerate it.  Thanksgiving is the culmination of everything good about living: turkey and thanks, family and fall, tradition and togetherness, mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes and marshmallows, games and good cheer.  I ask you what's not to love?

T. Bone was easy to wake, quick to rise and anxious to start his short day.  The fact that it was 60 balmy degrees and that he had plans to spend the afternoon with his friend were more than likely responsible.  Miss Bit woke up and immediately got into character as one of the Von Trapp children. She was singing through her morning routine, and quite beautifully I might add.  Of course, she was.  She only had a half day of school and then a nice, long weekend to look forward too.

I knew I had to adjust my angle.  I was in need of an attitude realignment so that my head and my heart were on the same page in the same book.  There was no question that I would walk the trails of my favorite area nature preserve  Beautifully, the slight shift started as soon as I was in route.  Finding an almost empty parking lot gave me another burst.  I only had to share the trails with gobbles of turkey who would be spared from any Thanksgiving feasts.  I didn't cross paths with any other living thing.  I saw scat evidence of coyote and deer, but I didn't spot a single animal.

In the time elapsed since my last visit here, nature's vibrant fall palette has lost its luster.  The jewel tones have faded and tarnished.  Soon everything will be brown.  As I took pictures, the subjects seemed to turn sepia before my eyes.  There were still shocks of color along the way.  The showy wine red branches of the dogwood tree and the spectrum of brilliant blues in the sky above me and the lake before me broke up the burnished monotony.

I looked up to see the ultramarine skies disrupted not by ethereal clouds, but by the remnants of jet exhaust.  Contrails criss crossed throughout the sky.  The day before Thanksgiving is credited as being the busiest travel day of the year, and here was visual evidence of so many going from here to there.  I felt so thankful that I could just be here.  Be. here. now.

Peace and joy, in equal measure, returned to my heart and soul in the hour and a half I spent at the preserve.  I traveled along the entire stretch of trail until I was exhausted and energized.  First I thought about everything and then nothing.  Nothing but be. here. now.  My legs ached with agony and burned with ecstasy.

There's incredible power in the way we choose to view life and then also in the way we choose to treat what we see.  There are days I feel like I have no choice, but today I choose joy.  It is both harsh and exciting.  

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

       love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees, 

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

Mary Oliver