Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

OMG these cupcakes...make them, bake them and share them. I added more cocoa and extra chocolate chips. You can halve the frosting or skip it even cuz' they almost don't need it.

Apple season. I'm trying to buy as much organic produce as I can and especially the dirty dozen, a group that includes apples. I'm torn, not so much by the higher price, but the lack of varieties available that haven't been sprayed by up to 60 different pesticides and then waxed to look pretty.

Indian Summer. It has maybe been the very best week of the year especially for this cooler in the morning and evening loving girl. There is no change in our immediate forecast.

A light and tasty lemon chicken dish enjoyed by the family this week. Because we eat so much poultry, I am always trying to change it up a bit.

During our coffeetalk one morning this week, Miss Bit said, "A person is born every minute." I wondered where she learned that tidbit, and then she told me she just thought it. When I suggested we Google it, her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree...so excited she was to have such knowledge literally at our fingertips. The answer was 255 people. She was wowed. Then she wanted to know how many people die each minute. 108. She looked a little forlorn for a moment, but then said, "God gives more people life every minute than death. That is an AMAZING discovery!" She is an amazing 7 year old.

Oh and her teacher thinks so too. At open house this week she gushed about how much she loves Lil Bit. I told her that she has a big fan in Miss Bit as well, and then she put her hand up to her mouth and whispered to me, "No, she's the one. The 1!" I cannot agrue with that or with a teacher who has favorites especially since it's my Bit.

T. Bone wandered in when I was watching Dancing With The Stars this week. He became completely absorbed in J.R.'s routine and the backstory. He is unbelievably compassionate and empathetic for a 10 year old. I'm really enjoying this season and this cast. Carson is wildly entertaining, Rickie is refreshingly a better dancer than her slimmer, more athletic contenders, and David Arquette is vulnerable and sweet.

Grapeseed oil and vegetables (especially brocoli) roasted in a little of it.

Evidence of Dad's do. Unfortunately these curlers are a don't. They do not work.

Personal pan pizzas.

The way this girl can rock her boots.

Chill time.

I had the patio door open much of the week. At one point, the leaves were coming down so fast that it sounded like rain. It was such a peaceful sound, but then it made me sad. Sad because I just wish that fall could last until December 24th.

Leaves covering the ground. They serve as camo for Little Red when the hawk is on the hunt and also for Peanut and Tigger when they are on the prowl for chippies.

i love it when they ask what i did all day

For Your Viewing Pleasure

This is a picture of Miss Bit in my hot rollers. We were gussying her up for school picture day today.

This is a picture of all her cuteness and curls.

This is a picture I found in T. Bone's closet beneath bins of his Legos.

Oh Boy. Enjoy.

Health Care Is Sick

I spent the better part of the day yesterday trying to figure out what to do about my leg, which showed little sign of improvement over the weekend and actually started to hurt again despite like 30 days of strong antibiotic ingestion. I called my doctor. I asked her what she thought. She said sounding more like any clueless coed off the street than a medical professional, "To be honest...I don't really know what to think." She really didn't need to say that after talking to me on Thursday about surgeons and infectious disease specialists, and then Friday doing a complete about face by advising me to just finish out this antibiotic. She'd see me at my physical on the 12th...problem solved now go away. With an about face like that, I don't need my own M.D. to determine she is in way over her head. To be fair to her, she is new. New to me and new to the practice of medicine. To be fair to me, there is a time and place to admit you are out of your league and to call in the more experienced doctors in your practice. Instead, she called a surgeon she knows somewhere. The same doctor she was going to consult with after my visit last week, but who never called her back so she just decided that I should stay the course on her own. "Miraculously" (her word not mine) this doctor's surgery was cancelled yesterday, she was able to get right in touch with him this time and he said I need to get an MRI ASAP. They were on the phone for no more than 2 minutes so I'm not sure what he's basing his recommendation on. I'm confident something needs to be done, but I'm not confident in what...in them. This is costing time and money and peace of mind, but I feel like I'm being dismissed. The choices I have at this point as I see it are to keep taking this perscription and pray that it works. or to get the MRI, or to go get another opinion. For various reasons, the MRI is winning today.

The insurance website suggested shopping around for reasonable rates with these types of diagnostic tests. I decided that was wise and responsible given the fact that I do not agree with the way our health care system is being run or used. If I want to get on my soap box, I better do my part. My doctor's office wanted me to go to the diagnostic facility affiliated with them and when I told them what I was going to do, they tried to tell me I couldn't at first. Then they tried to tell me that I shouldn't, and finally that most people wouldn't. That only made me more suspicious and determined. The test there will cost me, my insurance company, and taxpayers and insurance users in general, around $5000 before a radiologist actually reads the scans. They couldn't be certain of the charge because although I obtained the 5 digit numerical code they use to bill this procedure, they still weren't willing to commit to the integrity of their quote and the certainty of the procedure.

I called 2 independent centers. One was suggested by the insurance company and the other by a friend who has used their services on more than one occasion. The first was a flat $600 for the scan and the radiologist. The second was $1800. There really is nothing more to say about that except that our current health care system is septic and something major must be done.

I'm beginning to think that we live in a world where you just may be better off having no insurance at all since everyone seems to be OK with someone else picking up the bill no matter its cost.

So today I called to ask my doctor's assistant to fax the all ready written order to the appropriate party and I was told that wasn't possible. It wasn't possible because both my doctor and her assistant are off on Tuesdays. So I asked, "Can't someone else fax it? A nurse? A clerical worker?" I was told a flat out "no." I felt my blood pressure rising as I calmly asked, "Is that because it is not possible or because it is not their job?" The answer was as I suspected...it's not their job. I don't remember exactly what I said after that, but within 5 minutes my order was faxed.

I'm pretty sure that I'm back to square one. I need to find a new primary care physician and maybe a good lawyer too. I'm hopeful that my leg will be healed soon, but my blood pressure may be elevated for good and it's all their fault.

On My Mind Monday...Time

Give it time...take the time...make time...keep time...buy time...mark time...lose time...pass time...time heals...time flies...time stands still...behind the times...all in good time...on borrowed time...there is a time...out of time...time's up...pressed for time...no time like the present...the time is ripe...from time to time...a stitch in time...in due time...not enough time...too much time on your hands...race against time...time-out...sands of time...about time...the best of times...the worst of times...bide your time...just in time...in no time...high time...make good time...make up for lost time...time will tell...once upon a time...third times a charm...in the nick of time...a matter of time.

Oh Time,

You are an unforgiving, relentless tease. You are both siren and muse. Just as I pay you credence, you carry on forward causing me to lose my focus and miss the moment. Moments march into months only to become decades and suddenly I'm out of breath wondering how it is I got to this point...this place. It's exhausting playing cat and mouse with you day after day. I love you and yet, I despise you all the same. I never feel like I have enough of you. Here and then gone just like that. I want to use you wisely...savor you...make the most of you. Let me tell you that is near impossible when I find myself lamenting over the loss of you. You make me girlishly giddy one moment and paralyzed with fear - frozen in time - the very next. I mean let's face it...once you are gone, you are gone forever. I cannot get you back. Oh sure...there may be more of you, but I never know how much (not sure I'd even want to), and the mere fact that you are not limitless haunts me always. I'm forever aware of you, trying to gage you, keep you at bay, slow you down and maybe even outrun you. As you know all too well...I have yet to win our race. Come to think of it, don't know a single soul who has.

But listen here Time. I'm on to you. I don't have time for your games. You may win the race in the end, but I'm going to enjoy it all along the long and winding way.

2 day pass

this weekend my 2 day pass felt more like a sentence to the solitary confinement of my moddled mind.
but after the darkness, doubt, and plenty of downtime, a new day restored hope.
and even in times of turmoil, peace and beauty can be found.
like when miss bit and i turned bare barbies into fashionistas with stencils and markers...she squealed when she took a risk with a bold color or a daring design and aha-ed excitedly, "anything is possible in fashion!"
or like when t. bone and i took a long, scenic, sunday driver's route to pick up hubby from the airport and chatted the whole way.
i have discovered that we have the best conversations when we are one on one in the car and he is my captive, solo audience.
and like when the grandparents brought my girl all the way home from her weekend stay with them and also brought with them a beautiful, thoughtful blessing bracelet for me.
or like playing a fast game of scrabble with my man...no time for laboring over lexicons and yet i still lost.
and like watching miss bit get her hair wrapped, weaved in new curlers by her dad cuz' we both know that he has more patience than i do...bless him.
or like when we sat down for the first family dinner in at least 7 days to toast grandpa vic who would celebrate 95 this week...the littles never knew him, and yet they know him - the dead are very much alive in our house.
we enjoyed his famous beef stew with mashed potatoes, and then convened for apple crisp with vanilla bean ice cream and amazing race.
he made pie, but i don't.
having hubby home was a huge, healing, happy relief.
being all together made most things right.

good-bye weekend...goodnight.

Daybook

Outside my window the sun is shining and my lawn is littered with so many beautiful leaves.
I am thinking how I desperately wish I had more energy to enjoy this early autumn day...this season...this life.
I am thankful I have the house all to myself because in this state I am not good company.
In the kitchen a little while ago I made malts to celebrate T. Bone's first football victory of the season and his incredible running game.
I am wearing all black to fit the mood: yoga pants, fleece pullover, baseball hat and a braid in my unshowered hair.
I am creating the perfect pity party.
I am going to pick up some movies...probably tearjerkers...so I can escape my worries and woes even for just awhile.
I am wondering when I will feel like myself again.
I am reading little more than cookbooks right now, but I've got quite a stack in cue.
I am hoping to find hope again.
I am looking forward to bedtime tonight.
I am hearing my clocks tick in time, the wind ring through my chimes, my heart beat and that annoying little voice in my head.
Around the house there are piles and projects.
I am pondering the purpose of it all...everything.
One of my favorite things is usually just this time of the day...this time of the weekend.
A few plans for the rest of the week are to do what I can to rescue myself from this funk.
Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...I love this one. The piece of art my children are examining is exactly the way life presents itself to me right at this moment.



linking up over at http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/ today.