In the Raw

Miss Bit woke up this morning feeling sad. My girl usually wakes with a smile on her face ready to greet each new day with some level of exuberance. Through her muffled tears, she managed to express her desire to stay home with the family another day. I tell you I got it...I get it. I have felt like more of a homebody than usual as of late where I crave calm and communion with my peeps. This weekend we were goers, and it was all good, but something has to give when so much goodness fills your days and nights. That something is the fuel that fills our tanks for another long week. The quiet moments are restorative...the downtime uplifting. I don't prefer to start my week on empty with my resources depleted. After so much fun with family and friends ALL weekend long, we are all in need of a little lost time. I know it's why I came home yesterday afternoon, put my jammies on and shamelessly escaped in a movie. I cannot remember the last time I had a movie night in broad daylight. When it was over, I prepared breakfast for dinner. It's intuitive that eggs, bacon and homemade cinnamon rolls are the equivalent of comfort on a plate. The kids were tucked in bed early, and I managed to get almost 10 hours of sleep, yet I still resisted Mr. Sun this morning. The morning light felt like an assault on my senses. Miss Bit felt a little better and able to face the day after succumbing to the weepies, a strong hug and the prospect of picking out a new pair of earrings for the day ahead. And the thing is that I get that too. Something seemingly small and insignificant can turn a bad day good...make a hard day easier. Sometimes a piece of jewelry can give me peace, but usually it's taking stock of my blessings that reframes my perspective and lightens my load. Gifts like family and friends to share this life with and good food to nourish my family and a husband who works hard outside the house so I can be here at home for my littles when they need me most. I don't take any of it for granted.

On My Mind Monday

*********************************************************

Everybody asks why I started at the end and worked back to the beginning.

The reason is simple.

I couldn't understand the beginning until I had reached the end.

- White Oleander

*************************************************

I read and very much enjoyed this Fitch novel years ago. Today I finally got around to watching the movie. Astrid's opening remarks resonate with me. I so often wonder why we don't live our lives backwards when we have a lifetime of wisdom and experience to fall back on. Lately, I feel like a well-armed bag of tricks would work wonders in my world.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for... A nice night with the ladies last Friday. My only complaint was that it was too short. Miss Bit mingled, modeled all the jewelry and gorged on the Oreo truffles. She fits in famously..she's so one of the girls. Today my brother is 39! We're celebrating tonight with a little bowling and pizza. Girl on girl time with Miss Bit last weekend. We shopped and lunched the afternoon away with my Aunt. She was pouting when we got home and said, "I just wish we could spend some time together just you and me." She didn't want our girl's day to end so we cuddled in my bed and watched a chick flick. That girl of mine is a master at perfectly playing my heart strings. The perfect breakfast: steel cut oats, a drizzle of honey, a handful of coconut, a few slivered almonds and a splash of almond milk. T. Bone congratulated his sister on her almost perfect report card. He is excelling academically, but sliding a bit in the behavior department. We had a stern talk with him about saving the antics for recess and after school. Through tears he said, "I'm sorry...I'm just trying to fit in." I refrained from telling him I was known as Aunt Blabby by my 6th grade teacher. I was new to the school and being the class clown was a great way to get attention. There's still room for Miss Bit in her bed despite her growing pillow pet collection. This week we welcomed a baby unicorn. I wish I could say 'no' to this girl. Hubby's perfectly grilled flank steak... a delicious harbinger of all the grilled goods to come once spring decides to come and stay for awhile. Miss Bit declared it her best meal every. T. Bone also ate every bite. I am always greatful when I don't have to be a short order cook who makes multiple meals. This morning Miss Bit changed her starter earrings. Aqua blue dolphins made the cut today. After I secured them in her ears and gave her some pony tails to best show them off she said, "Mom I just love you more than anyone else. Well, anyone else, but Dad. And T. Bone. And Peanut and Tigger." Both T. Bone and Miss Bit decided to contribute their own money to the school fund raiser for relief efforts in Japan. The rain turned to snow long enough for me to take a walk the other day. I wanted to try out my new waterproof jacket. It kept me perfectly dry. More time outside. T. Bone has been heading out to play hoops after breakfast and Miss Bit amuses herself for hours on end in the yard.

Paralyzed

I just dropped T. Bone and Miss Bit off at school. I'm basking in the quiet of my erstwhile teeming house as I enjoy another cup of coffee. My day is as free as I choose for it to be. Life is so good. So why do I feel so bad? It's not the sudden throw back to winter. I hail from this neck of the woods so I'm familiar with the precarious dance that eventually looks, sounds and feels like spring. We need umpteen takes and live through many dress rehearsals before we finally get it right. Take one. No, I'm actually rather thankful for the grey, rainy, chilly day because it coincides with the air of gloominess that's invading my head. Mr. Sun couldn't even put a spring in my step today. I just have this overwhelming urge to curl up under an afghan and watch mindless reality t.v. or Enchanted over and over, and I'm not the least bit proud of it. (But seriously, I was very impressed with Kirstie Alley last night, and who knew Ralph could be so debonair. I was elated she wasn't the train wreck I was expecting.) It's better for me to tune out right now. I'm saturated with the suffering that comes to me on every channel as I prepare my organic, non-radiated food in the comfort of my heated house. Our state is in turmoil, our country is a mess and the world is rife with so much destruction and despair thanks to man and mother nature. I lament about what to do. And yet when I was presented with the opportunity to act last week, I did nothing. I was behind a U.S. Marine in the check-out line. I knew he was a veteran because the prosthetic leg he removed from his stump of a leg and placed in his cart bore the emblem. He couldn't pay for many of his groceries. Frivolous things like fresh fruits and vegetables if you must know. I thought about offering to pick up the rest of his tab as a small token of thanks for his service to our country, but then I worried about how it would make him feel. I fretted that my humble gesture would make him feel like less of a man. He already was less of a man. He only had one leg. I didn't even thank him, let alone pay for his groceries. I did nothing. I've been doing so much nothing that I now have a spiral notebook for my growing 'to do' lists, and many of the items are not optional. There are things I need to do...plenty of them...things that are time sensitive and necessary. Things I cannot and should not put off any longer. I consider it a huge success to get through the daily grind: work, school, homework, laundry, meals. The ordinary things that usually sustain me and bring me great joy are feeling like arduous, guilty tasks. Dailiness is an assault. Yet even as I write this from a darker than usual place, I know how blessed I am. I am shamefaced for feeling wistful without real reason. I am not proud to be wallowing in my own discontent. This is a time of great uncertainty. I know people who are playing the odds, scrambling to hedge their bets. And while it's true that we cannot know what is in the cards for us, it's also true that right now I find that terrifying instead of exciting.

On My Mind Monday

I haven't been reading much at all unless you count recipes. If I were, I'd have made my way through Heaven is for Real, which is due back to the library yesterday. I managed to get through a couple chapters which were not especially captivating or compelling. After Colton's recent rounds on the talk show circuit, I'll likely have to wait weeks if not months on the wait list to get it again. This morning Colton was on a morning news show talking about his experiences in heaven.

I cannot stop thinking about his claims that everyone in heaven wears wings, that no one is old and we are reunited with loved ones long ago passed, and yet I'm not really sure what I really think about it at all.

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?

That is if I could invite anyone I wanted dead or alive...

My Mom because I miss her so much and she was the life of every party.
Her Dad because I've never met him, but I've heard so many stories about how he was THE life of the party and every one's favorite person.
Rickie Lee Jones so she could entertain us a capella. I'd ask her to sing all of my favorites, which is pretty much every single one of her songs.
Grandma Rose and Aunt Helen because they were great cooks and I'd definitely need their help to pull off the event.
Ina Garten and I'd have her come early to help me do my tablescape and prepare a fabulous, yet simple meal.
Ellen DeGeneres because her comedic relief would help break the ice and then later she could get everyone dancing.
Steve Carell because he always makes me laugh and I think I could pretty much seat him next to anyone and they would have a good time.
Meredith Vieira, Meryl Streep and Katrina Kenison because I just like them and think they would be nice women to have as friends.
Mary Oliver and Walt Whitman to read us poetry during dessert.
Jack Johnson for the music around the bonfire at the end of the evening.
Oprah because I think she would ask poignant questions to keep the conversation interesting.
Annie Leibovitz to photograph the evening.
Louise Erdrich, Amy Tan and Pat Conroy because I so admire them and think they would make the evening special.
Snookie because then I'm sure at least one person will act more a fool than myself.
Jesus, Buddha and Mother Theresa just because this is my list and I can.
My hubby because he's my other better half and I'd need him to keep me calm in the midst of such awesome greatness.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Our St. Paddy's Day feast: naughty Reubens, "healthy" homemade potato chips and glazed carrots.

I finally beat someone at Scrabble. I should also confess that Jess then beat me in our second game.

I was able to wear a pair of pants that haven't fit for awhile last week.

Starbucks for their 130 calorie grande vanilla lattes and obscure cd compilations.

A new pair of my favorite chinos on order...they are pink!

Sunny daffodils.

Party tonight at my house. Wine, women and wonderful food...oh and pretty jewelry to try on too.

I made crackers from scratch. They are delicious and also very, very easy.

This week's menu: pulled pork tacos, cauliflower soup, chicken chop suey and spinach and chicken lasagna.

Mr. President has no convincing conviction with regard to situations in Libya and Japan, but he does opine about March Madness. The reason that I am grateful for his lack of leadership...it makes me hopeful that a second term is a pipe dream.

Our Badgers advanced making my hubby and my son very happy.

T. Bone came home from school freckled at the end of St. Paddy's day. He inspired his whole class and made his Nanny very proud I am sure.



Miss Bit's cityscape.


It was nice enough yesterday to turn off the heat and open the patio doors. The cats were in heaven.

Our family day trip to Chicago last week...it was a great adventure.

T. Bone won third place in the city-wide free-throw contest. It was a win win. He earned a trophy and we don't have to travel for another contest.

Peanut and Tigger are 4! Happy Birthday boys!

Today is tacky outfit day for Miss Bit. She had a hard time wearing mismatched clothing. There was angst and tears and as you can see, no photographs.