Tuesdays Unwrapped: Friends

A true friend is:

• Someone who calls often and can tell by the way you answer the phone whether or not you can talk at that precise time
• Not slighted if you cannot chat, and that doesn't stop her from calling later when you forget to return the call
• Always available to listen and to really hear you
• Known to say often, "How can I help you?" or "I'm sorry this is happening" or "What can I do?"
• Also likely to just do whatever she thinks you need before you have to ask like take the day off work to take care of your children who are off of school again or arrive the night before a party to help you set-up or arrive with a vase of orchids the bluest shade of blue to cheer you up
• Someone who is the sister you never had and another doting aunt to your children who she loves like her own
• The person that you trust with your wildest dreams and scariest fears
• Good at making you feel understood
• There for you always to celebrate happy milestones, to mourn in times of sadness and to shore you up when the load is too heavy
• The kind of person that makes you want to be a better friend...a better person
• Someone you can laugh until you cry with or cry until you laugh with
• Honest, kind, and fair
• Someone you always have fun with whether you are on the patio watching the kids play in the yard, on the beach with your books or belting out Billy Joel in a piano bar
• The giver of thoughtful advice
• Not a score keeper
• The kind of person who loves you flaws and all
• Someone you can be yourself around always
• The guest who stops for a glass of wine after work and ends up spending the night
• The frister who takes the afternoon off to take a hike with you on your Mom's heaven day beacause she doesn't want you to be alone

The truth is a good true friend is all of these things and so much more. I was completely at a loss for words this morning because what is there to say really...two years ago today I said goodbye to my first best friend, my Mom. She always said that good friends were hard to come by, but that you didn't need many. She was proud of the fact that she could count her good friends...her fristers...on one hand. Although she knew what seemed like everyone and everyone knew her, she had a very special place for a lucky close few. This morning I checked in at chatting at the sky as I usually do on Tuesdays and was not surprised to see that today's topic is the gift of friendship. I'll take that as a sign, thank you. Jess will be here soon, and I am beyond thankful to her for spending the afternoon with me and also for my Mom who taught me what treasures good friends are. Today I'm at Tuesdays Unwrapped and with my frister, Jess.

Date Night

Tonight was date night. The boys went out for a little Monday night football and some hot wings. T. Bone spent all day dreaming about and drooling over saucy chicken drummies like they are his favorite food ever. It just makes me laugh cuz' I'm quite certain he's never even had one. The best laugh I had today though came after I asked him if his Uncle was joining them and he chortled, "Is the Pope Catholic?"

Miss Bit and I were going to go to the movies, but we ended up getting a dvd from the library instead, which tickled me because I'm in serious shut in-mode. We ate our takeout and watched Hannah Montana The Movie. It was entertaining especially cuz' my girl loved it so. She even got up during Hoe Down Show Down to line dance across the family room. I'm sure she'll watch it a few more times before it's due back so it was well worth the $1 rental fee.

Tomorrow is a late start day so that means they'll probably be up early. Not me. I'm staying in bed as long as I can get away with. I'm not anxious to face the day or the reality that it's been two years since I last held my Mom's hand and told her I loved her before she took her last breath. It's strange because in some ways it seems like yesterday and in others it seems like ancient history, and I don't know which is more painful...the passage of time and the way life carries on, or how those last 24 hours are indelibly etched in my mind for me to revisit time after time.

Sundays Are For Lovers

I saw this today and was inspired to capture my day.

My home base is the Midwest near the shores of a great lake and on the banks of a lazy river. It's where I was born and bred, where I've almost always lived and more than likely where I'll die.

Day to day I work in many roles including chef, laundress, maid, personal shopper, chauffeur, cheerleader, nurse, referee, editor and then some days I go to work at a job where I am paid in currency other than gratitude and grins so, of course, it is nowhere near as rewarding.

If I didn't do this I would or a least I used to think I would be an elementary school teacher, but then I went back to school to get my license only to never finish my final four credits. Now I dream about owning an inviting little book store or a quaint neighborhood bakery, or both. And it's always been my heart's hope and wildest dream to write a novel.

Next year I will travel to a house on a lake. Perhaps, Lake Winnipesaukee in beautiful New Hampshire. We'll likely take jaunts to Chicago, the Michigan coast and also Door County. This was a year of going places...wonderful places like the mountains of Colorado, the beaches of Bermuda, the shores of Cape Cod and the attractions of Disney World...so we'll be staying closer to home unless we find some treasures.

To me Sunday means church, breakfast out alone with my husband while the kids are at Sunday School, getting ready for the week ahead, relaxing, reading, boys watching and playing football, play dates for my girl, family dinners, cozying up to catch The Amazing Race, getting a good night's sleep.

And I like to eat an egg sandwich, bagel or scone with my coffee in the morning and something comforting and home cooked for dinner. This time of year that may be a pot of soup, a pasta dish, a roast. Quite often my brother and sil join us to welcome a new week together.

And I will get out of bed with just enough time to get dressed and ready for early church. I usually forgo a shower so I can sneak a few extra minutes of slumber. It's a struggle to resist the urge to stay in bed, but it's worth it to take care of our obligations and still have the better part of the day to do as we so choose.

And I will get dressed by 8:30, but I'm back in my yoga pants and a fleecy pullover before noon.

And I will smile about mine and Miss Bit's twin denim skirts... and the way my girl sports a scarf... and the homily during mass... and my pumpkin spice latte... and Miss Bit forgetting the name of God's son... and the eccentric mother character in The Lacuna as I steal away for a few pages... and my cats taking a sun bath on the dining room floor... and T. Bone taking a break from watching the football game to go out in the yard and run a few plays with his band of boys... and Miss Bit and her friends staging a silly band swap... and the neighbors bringing us a bag of apples from their orchard visit... and singing along to Trains in the Distance after being inspired to play the cd by yesterday's post...and the glorious sun on my face as I watch T. Bone's baseball game... and chatting with old friends... and making new acquaintances... and cocktails and conversation with my brother and sil... and a warm family dinner... and a hot shower before bed...and clean sheets.

And I may just daydream about this question I came across in a pile of old magazines I was leafing through: What do you really know?

And when Monday comes I'll wake up wishing it was still Sunday.

Music Makes My World Go Round

In honor of Farm Aid, I thought I'd participate in a meme I came across somewhere out in blogland. The idea is to list the 15 albums that define you in as many minutes.


1) Chuckie's in Love/ Rickie Lee Jones

I adore all of her recordings, but this one is special because it was my first love. I fell hard and fast for her when I was in high school. A couple I babysat for turned me onto her. She's had a lobe of my heart ever since because she's real and raw and gritty.

2) Every single Jack Johnson Album...I simply cannot choose.

Jack just makes me swoon and dream of surfing, or at least moving to Hawaii where life must be so much simpler. I end up falling and staying in love with each one of his songs at some point and time. It's a love affair I share with my hubby. He confessed no less to me the other night, and it makes me love my man all the more.

3) Hits/ Joni Mitchell

Joni speaks to the part of my soul that is a free spirit. I discovered her in college and I've found my way back to her when I've needed her over the years. Her lyrics read like poetry especially River and The Circle Game.

4) The Unforgettable Fire/ U2

It was hard to narrow down a single U2 album, but hands down...this is it. It's the bridge between my youth and my adulthood. Yet, I have never felt again the way I felt when I witnessed Bono belt out One one beautiful night many years ago. That's my #1 U2 song. I have a U2 album or 3 for each decade of my life.

5) Special Beat Service/ The English Beat

I experienced many firsts while this album (yes...album) was on the turn table, and I'll just leave it at that. There's just something about this ska band that I never tire of.

6) Songs in the Attic/ Billy Joel

My Dad used to play this album on Saturdays while we would clean the house. We would all be dusting and belting out Captain Jack. It's still on regular rotation at my house and it will aways remind me of happy times with my Dad.

7) Moondance/ Van Morrison

Moondance was mine and my man's wedding song. It just speaks to my soul...the song, the album, the band, my man. Everyone should own a copy and play it often when mellow or ready to go...happy or blue. Somehow it always fits.

8) Add It Up/ The Violent Femmes

I grew up with The Femmes...please don't judge. Add It Up reminds me of house parties and outdoor festivals and hot summers and cold beers and coming of age. I still own it, but I haven't listened to it in a while.

9) Led Zepplin I, II, III, IV, Houses of the Holy, In Through the Out Door...you get the picture.

In middle school, everyone listened to Zepplin whether you liked them or not. It was the rage. It was cool, and to be 'in' was ultra important at that grueling age. We used to try to manipulate the record to hear "I live for Satan" and I had my first eternal, sweaty slow dance in 7th grade during Stairway to Heaven with Pat. Fool in the Rain is still one of my favorite songs of all time...strange, yet true.

10) Early Indigo Girls

Know all the lyrics, felt so understood even in my angst-filled, ambling post college days, listened to them night and day...day and night.

11) Negotiations and Love Songs/ Paul Simon

This album reminds me of falling in love with my hubby. I first heard it in a little pub in Chicago where we were visiting friends. Trains in the Distance still gets me. Paul Simon will always get me. It's the classic chill album, and every song is decent.

12) Greatest Hits/ James Taylor

This album takes me back to my freshman year in college. I was in a strange place with strange people and a broken heart, but I was trying to be so strong. At night my roomie, a big sophomore, would put this tape (yes, tape) on and we would be lullabied to sleep. I was rightfully soothed into thinking that I would find friends and love again. I saw Paul Taylor many years later in concert and he was charming and captivating. It's still one of my favorite concerts.

13) All REM

Senior Day, 1987...Assembly, SHS auditorium...surrounded by 150 classmates and friends all anxious to graduate...watching a slideshow of our lives to date to the blasting tune of Superman. It was surreal. We were invincible. We had life by the ass and then some. We were going places. Bon Voyage!

14) Labour of Love/ UB40

I'm leaving it at Red Red Wine and Bartels and James and James and Jack and King parties and skinny dipping and clove cigarettes and nothing but nonsense.

15) Songs You Know by Heart/ Jimmy Buffet

Frisby Floor was a welcoming place especially when a little Jimmy was bellowing through the halls. This was a constant in the dorm that we all knew and loved...we all loved to know.

16) The Big Chill Soundtrack

I'm still known to grab a spoon and sing along to Joy to the World or A Natural Woman. Motown speaks to my soul and it reminds me mostly of my Motown loving Momma.

17) Grease Soundtrack

I so badly wanted to be Sandy whenever I heard it....Sandy singing Summer Nights. I was only 9 you know!

18) Many things Bo Deans

They remind me of my hubby and his friends...they were huge fans and groupies, and until it became a major obssession, I was a big fan myself especially of Naked, Beaujolais and Paradise. Funny..this is the only band/record that's made my hasty list that is actually performing at Farm Aid.

19) Various Grateful Dead albums.

I named my dog - one of my college graduation gifts - Cosmic Charlie...so say no more.

20) A Boy Named Charlie Brown/ Vince Guaraldi Trio

Sunday mornings, rainy days, fall nights, quiet times that take me back to being a kid and eagerly anticipating the seasonal showings of Charlie and his clan. Nothing but nostalgia here folks...pure and simple.

21) Colors of the Day/ Judy Collins

This was one of my Dad's favorites. I used to find it haunting as a kid, but once I went to college I was soon on State Street buying my own copy. It's an acquired taste that I find such a comfort. Her remake of The Beetles In My Life brings me to tears every time. That song reminds me of my Aunt who had a soloist play it during her wedding. It was touching.

22) Rapture/ Anita Baker

My Mom and I would belt out...could belt out some major ballads. We never realized that knowing all the words didn't mean you could sing. I still have all of Anita's albums, but I can't listen to them because they turn me into a puddle. I remember driving in the Pumkin with the top down on a beautiful summer's night to hear her play with my momma like it was just yesterday. That makes me happy. That reminds me of the best of my Mom.

23) Every Spyro Gyra album

My Dad introduced me to the band, but I've enjoyed them over the years with many others. They've always been a calmimg presence in my life.

24) House at Pooh Corner/ Kenny Loggins

I discovered this album when I was pregnant for the first time. It's such a beautiful complilation that I still listen to it now that my babies are growing up and older. When I listen to the title track, I can still smell the intoxicating aroma of my T. Bone's newborn head. It takes me back...it always will...and I will always love it.

25) Hysteria/ Def Leppard

Pour Some Sugar on Me takes this girl straight back to the smell of stale beer in soggy, squished dorm rooms. This was on late-night rotation in one of the party rooms most nights: Al's or Christians's or Mark's. At some point, we would rock to it whenever we were all together.

26) That's What Friends Are For/ Johnny Mathis & Denise Williams

I remember my Mom playing this album when I was a little girl after I was in bed for the night. I hated it because...well, just because. I gave her the cd one year for Christmas a few years ago as a peace offering, and then somehow it ended up in my possession eventhough I "hated" it. Then I lost it, and now I hate that it's lost, and I cannot believe I'm admitting that on the www.

27) A Barbara Streisand Christmas Album

Bab's Christmas album was a staple of my childhood and so it also reminds me of holidays spent with my Mom. I don't love it, but I play it often just for that reason.

28) Grover Washington Jr., in general, but the older the better

I find The Best is Yet to Come mesmerizing and Just the Two of Us is the most romantic song I've ever called my own.

29) Reprise: The Very Good Years/ Frank Sinatra

We all love Frank and nothing can beat Fly Me to the Moon no matter your age or time or place.

30) When I Look in Your Eyes/ Diana Krall

Her voice is so soothingly seductive and her lyrics are lulling. I used to sing Popsicle Toes to Miss Bit when she was a baby and all the while I nibbled on her chubby little piggies to the tune of her giggles.

I got a little carried away. You try and stop at 15. I probably could have easily come up with 50. The albums came to me in 15 minutes and then I went back to include the explanations.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

The kaleidoscope of colors that is our autumn world.

This week's harvest moon.

Farm Aid is next weekend. Hopefully I'll get to hear Neil Young sing it.

Book club with Miss Bit last night. She participated thoughtfully, although not dominantly. I was able to curl up into a chair on the other side of the room and read for an hour.

Bowling starts Saturday night. I never thought the hubby and I would join a league, but our friends asked us and we couldn't say 'no.' We will not; however, be buying our own gear!

More Christmas shopping this week.

And speaking of shopping, my boys headed off with the list and took care of this week's groceries because I was feeling punky. My hubby only had to call me once from the store with a question.

T. Bone got a perfect score on his first writing assignment!

Miss Bit starts cheerleading with her friend M. next week.

Sweet Tangos.

Church before lunch with the ladies on my Mom's birthday. A friend had mass said for my Mom that day and then we gathered for toasts and memories into the afternoon.

My brother and sil joined us for dinner later that evening. The menu included Nanny's Noodles, corn, rolls and cottage cheese. For dessert we had her pumpkin bars. It was a night of nostalgia.

New horror films soon to be released. I love a good (and sometimes a not so good) thriller.

While I was working on convincing Miss Bit to put socks on with her boots the other day she said, "Oh! I get it! It wouldn't be too girly if I were all stinky now would it!?"

New fall skirts.

Mad Libs on the way to school with the kids.

Homemade malts.

Beetlemania...my son is becoming a fan. I'd be ever so grateful if he would learn how to play Blackbird on his guitar and then teach it to me.

Sunday School starts this week. It will be good to get back to the routine.

When I had a hunch that T. Bone didn't eat his red peppers last night, he finally confessed that he flushed them down the toliet. He's still apologizing for lying.

Knowing what I need to do.

Lists. Lists for everything!

After Midnight

Happy Birthday Mom.

I just finished watching Naomi and Wynona Judd on an episode of Oprah I tivoed last week. Of course, I ended up in torrential tears. My cats were not even sure what to make of me. This mother and daughter have had a tumultuos, turbulent relationship over the years. Wynona got me when she talked about really wanting to know her mother as a human being, but I was just grateful that I did know and very much like the person my Mom was in addition to loving her so. I only had 39 years with my Mom, but they were rich and filled with too many gifts to count. When I show up for a personal pity party, it doesn't take long for me to remember that I am blessed beyond measure to have had her in my life at all.

I'm lucky to love you Mom.

Waiting

I'm waiting. Waiting to feel better. I spent much of the past few days lounging around like these two and with them too. They don't need any exuse to curl up in bed all day. Perhaps, they're onto something. I rallied Saturday afternoon for a little celebration in honor of my Dad's birthday. I showered and dressed and had a fine time despite the fact that I couldn't taste much of the Mexican meal he prepared for his own party...that's how much he likes to cook. I could taste the margaritas...I'm just sayin'. The boys watched the Badger game and played a little football during half time. Miss Bit road her bike and helped her Grandpa in the kitchen. Apparently, smart girls cook as well as rule. We all played Pictionary. It was fun.

I'm waiting for tomorrow. It's my Mom's birthday. She would be 62. I really have no words for how sad I feel that she's not here.

I'm waiting for Dancing With The Stars tonight. It's especially fun to watch with Miss Bit who has commentary on all of the costumes, hair, make-up, and music.

I'm waiting for the summery forecast that's going to usher in fall. A few more days of flip flops and fresh air sounds energizing to me.

I'm waiting to find my words again.