Monday, March 15, 2010

Spring is in the Air




This morning the air smells like spring. It’s this distinct earthy, fecund smell that takes me back to so many a March of my childhood growing up on the river. I can still taste the metallic residue from pressing my chubby cheeks hard against the screen as I strained to watch the world around me wake up after a long winter. I can see myself in my pigtails sitting on the still chilled cement steps with a bowl chock-full of peanuts waiting for a courageous chipmunk. By the end of the summer, they’d all be eating out of my hand and the whole yard would be a sea of beautiful blooming buds. Irises in every color of the rainbow, tulips, roses, daffodils, forget me nots, peonies and pansies to name just a few. There were so many birds feasting at Mrs. Kay’s feeders all day long that their chirps and squawks became subtle background noise almost as soft as the summer’s breeze yet to come. I felt safe here in this little fenced in haven on the outskirts of the city on the banks of the lazy river.

A couple times a year, Mrs. Kay would pack a picnic lunch for my brother and me, and we all hiked through the woods in search of the perfect cool and loamy spot on which to rest. Once found, she’d spread out the red checked blanket and we'd settle in to eat cold fried chicken, fresh fruit and warm cookies. It was these times that we couldn't even fancy whether we were fairies and gnomes or kings and queens, but we felt the palpable magic and privilege in the fresh air that we breathed, and we both secretly wished that we could share every meal just this special way. We knew that we were forbidden from making the trek down to the river without our trusted guide. We only snuck down the paths solo a couple of guilty times. Mrs. Kay told us that it wasn’t safe for us to go alone, and we believed her because she adored us.

Can you even believe she came to love us as her own grandchildren? My parents moved into one of the cedar shaked, tidy houses on Mr. & Mrs. Kay’s property when I was a few weeks old. Mr. & Mrs. Kay never had children of their own and didn’t want someone else’s children upsetting the grounds or the critters so it was decided that we would need to move once I could walk. Then the agreement was amended to when I could run, and again to when my brother could walk, and it went on and on like that until my Mom decided it was time to move. Even then they tried to convince her to stay. They wanted us to stay despite the fact that we had grown into active kids who would traipse all through the yard playing hide and seek, statue maker and red rover red rover, tear up and down the driveway racing our big wheels and render ripe raspberry bushes fruitless in a few sneaky seconds. Over the years, we all came to think of each other as family. We came to know each other as not only friendly neighbors, but also connected kin.

Spring is in the air today and Mr. & Mrs. Kay are on my mind. I'm remembering them just as I always do when I get that first fertile whiff of this season of rebirth. This single powerful scent calls forth so many potent childhood memories. How is it so? It has to be true what they say about our sense of smell...it has to be our strongest sense.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Scenes From The Weekend

FRIDAY: A little bowling with the champs before dinner. Fun family fun.


SATURDAY: Dancing the afternoon away with friends to the tune of Big Girls Don't Cry.






Then cozying up for a movie night on the futon after Daddy's super pasta supper.


SUNDAY: Church, enjoying the beautiful day in the yard, corned beef dinner.

In the Dark

We lost our power last night. I was actually woken from a sound sleep because the house was too quiet. Eerily quiet until my heart started thumping right out of my chest. The fan that whirs and vibrates from the corner of our room stopped mid-spin. At first I felt unable to move...paralyzed just like my fan. What is it about the dark that can fill me with such stifling fear? I mustered up the courage to get up...I pulled back the blind only to see that our whole block was pitch black. I felt a sense of relief. Relieved we weren't alone. I'm afraid of being alone in the dark. We're never alone though really, but without any light it's sometimes hard to remember that...to believe it.

This morning on my way to church I was struck by the Phantom's words when Music of the Night was the song in cue:

Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defenses

Slowly, gently night unfurls its splendor
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Turn your face away from the garish light of day
Turn your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light
And listen to the music of the night.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Dance Party



Miss Bit got all dolled up for her friend's birthday celebration this afternoon. She was so excited to go party at the dance studio that she said, "Mom, this is a day I'm never gonna forget!"

Phone Call From Heaven

My Mom called me lastnight. It was kind of hard to understand her. Heaven is so close and yet so far away. I was just happier than I've been since I can remember to hear her voice. I had so many questions for her. I asked her if it's beautiful there and she said, "Ohhhh Yes!" Then I asked her if she's with her Dad, and again she answered affirmatively. I was thankful I got to tell her how much I miss her, and of course, before we lost our connection she told me to hug and kiss the kids for her.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

The Mom of a first grader who approached me at the roller rink to introduce herself and tell me that she thinks Miss Bit is the sweetest kid she knows in the school. Awwww! There are about 500 kids in the school you know!

T. Bone confessed after confession Sunday that Father B. told him to be nicer to his sister, to include her more and not to be as rough.

A Gymboree coupon in the mail minutes before I sent my Easter order online. I'm smitten with the tulip dress and thrilled that T. Bone agreed to wear a pink oxford. I keep telling him, "Real men wear pink." Now I just have to convince him that real men wear blazers with their Bermuda shorts and Bucks!

Pink polka dot rain boots for my puddle lovin' Lil Bit.

T. Bone had a new friend over Sunday to play. They've known each other for a couple years, but they're just becoming buds. They spent the whole time building Legos. J. is REALLY into them, and he showed T. Bone some "REALLY COOL" stuff. He made us all laugh when we were driving to the roller rink cuz' he told T. Bone, "You're lucky you have the sister you do. She's not RIDICULOUS like my sister. My sister ANNOYS me EVERY SINGLE day." Miss Bit tried to hide her smug smile.

When Miss Bit's friend A. came over the other day the first thing out of her mouth was, "Lil Bit...I think we'll be friends forever. Don't you?"

Sunday morning's breakfast...a buttery sweet cupcake with my coffee. My only sweet splurge in seven days, and well worth the wait. And my frister for sharing her frosting recipe with me.

Hanging out with Jess Tuesday night. I'm glad she corrupted me.

I'm waiting for the final changes to be made for my dining room and living room window treatments so that I can approve and order them. Maybe I'll have them before Easter when we are hosting a brunch.

Painting plaster Easter eggs with Miss Bit yesterday afternoon. We love a good craft project.

Big Mike singing Kate Bush's This Woman's World on Wednesday's Idol. I LOVE that song...I LOVE him! I cried just like Kara.

Irish soda bread.

Dr. Jay said T. Bone can wait to get his braces until after we get back from Bermuda since his expander has done such a nice job already.

Good report cards. Miss Bit and T. Bone both showed enough improvement to earn a trip to Stonefire Pizza.

A lazy morning. I took my time getting up just lying there stretching, thinking, snoozing, dreaming.

A day off today with the kids and a family date tonight for bowling.

Thick


The fog outside is thick like pea soup tonight and serving as a most suitable metaphor for the dense legume puree that has taken hold of my mind this week. I need a crosswind to clear the air. I've been listless, distracted, and maybe even apathetic, and it's not the gray March days. Sunday night I tucked Miss Bit in at 8:30 and then tucked myself in at 8:31. Monday I skipped my workout, Tuesday I skipped my volunteer work, and today I skipped showering (until 10 minutes ago that is). It's not even 8:00 yet, but I am already eagerly anticpating my bedtime. This suffocating fog is filled with self-doubt and riddled with insecurity. Words like indecision, regret, anxiety, fear, and paralysis take on new meaning during times like this. The days feel long...and yet, short at the same time. When I am in such a state, sleep is my tried and true escape...my single reprieve. Writing doesn't even work, which is why I have been quiet here.

But the thing about fog that I have come to understand is that eventually it lifts. Before long I can see from one side of the street to the other again. Before long I can see tomorrow and the next day and the day after, and know that although I may not have all the answers, I'll get the ones I need along the way.